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5 Hilarious Truths I Learned by Staying Home During Social Distancing

Marcy is a school counselor at an alternative school in Illinois and a part-time bartender who loves writing in her spare time.

#1 Secret Naps

My husband has always been an early riser. He is retired now, but I guess old habits are hard to break. He is usually up and out of bed by 5 am, even on the days he doesn't work at his part-time job. On days before my school closed, I would get up, get ready, and leave the house around 7 am.

These days, I am working from home due to this social distancing ordeal. One day when my husband was gone to work, I had two dogs look up at me with their sleepy eyes and start walking to the bedroom about 9 am. I didn't get it and just dismissed their odd behavior. The next morning when my husband was home, they were following him all around the house. Then they went into the bedroom and sat right by the side of the bed. I looked at my husband and said, "Do they want on the bed?" He looked at me with a sheepish grin and confessed, "Yes, this is about the time we go back to bed on my days off." Hum...busted!

9am naps when Mom is at work...woof!

9am naps when Mom is at work...woof!

Woof? or Meow??

#2 Laundry Snob

When my girls were growing up, I did the laundry entirely by myself. Never, in 15 years, did anyone offer to help. Then when my husband retired, he slowly started taking over the laundry. I kept my good things separated for obvious reasons, but for the most part, he did it all.

Now that I'm home more than he is with this social distancing thing, I assumed I would be taking over the laundry. I did for a little while. But on about my 3rd week of this task, he said, "Don't do mine. That's okay. I'll do it tomorrow when I'm off."

So I reply, "No, that's okay. I'll just put yours with mine."

"No, don't. I don't like the way you do mine."

What?? (I'm thinking) I did your laundry for 25 years, so I guess I know what I'm doing. But I don't say that. Instead, I say, "Oh, so what don't you like?" thinking he would not have good reasons.

But no, he replies, "You dry my shirts too dry and don't button the top button when you hang them up. And sometimes you don't match the right socks together. And.... I don't really like the way you fold my undershirts."

Again, What? Stunned, I stand there for a few minutes. He didn't hold anything back. Wow! Still in shock, I make a sharp and dramatic turn and proceed back into the bedroom. In a huff, I dump all of his clothes back in the hamper and stomp off. Looking back, I laugh. After letting it process a bit, I am thrilled I don't have to do his laundry. Who knew he was such a laundry snob?

Wow! Look at his amazing collar.

Wow! Look at his amazing collar.

#3 Humans Are Not The Only Food Hoarders During A Pandemic

As a school teacher, this is not usually the time of year I have enough free time to deep clean my house. However, this year is a lot different than most, and after about two full weeks at home, I began cleaning.

We have two little dogs we rescued many years ago. We like to think they hit the jackpot with us. As previously established, they get to nap on the bed with dad mid-morning when I'm away at work. But that's old news.

Yes, we spoil our dogs, and they get more treats than they need every night. This fact became apparent when my first deep cleaning day of the year began. I pulled the couch away from the wall to clean, and there sat a stockpile of various treats. Not just a few, but like 10 or 12!! Sadie, my sweet little doggie came prancing over and looked at me like, Don't take my treats. Then it dawned on me. Every night she goes behind the couch after getting a treat. I just thought she was eating them there. I guess not.

What I did next will shock some of you. I left the pile in-tact and swept around it. Then I pushed the couch back in place. Yes, dad is not the only one who spoils the doggies.

The treat hoarder.

The treat hoarder.

#4 I Guess My Cat Is Not Anti-Social

The story of my cat is a long one, and I won't bore you. But she is my daughter's cat, and my daughter's husband's cats do not like her cat. So guess what? The cat came home with us. Yes, that is still the short version of the cat story.

Anyway, this cat has been in our lives for nearly 15 years, and I never once thought it liked me, or anyone else, for that matter. I mean, this cat is beautiful, but her demeanor is just horrible. She is demanding -- crying for her food at 5 am. She is a menace -- knocking any small little thing off counters, just because she can. And she is not affectionate at all. I mean, I didn't think she was affectionate until I'm home every day with her. Now, suddenly she is my best friend. I can't get away from her. But this affection is only during the day. In the evening or at night, no one can even find her. It truly is the weirdest thing, and now I feel bad that I never knew about all this attention she craves during the day.

I like to help, Mom.

I like to help, Mom.

#5 I Used To Feel Sorry For You

As I have said, my husband is still working his part-time job at a farm and home store about three days a week. And let me add that my husband has a bright orange truck. This detail will be important later.

On the days he works, he leaves about 7 am and gets home at about 4 pm. He doesn't pack a lunch or even take a bottle of water. I was starting to get worried about him because his work taped off all the water fountains due to COVID-19. I asked him if he was going all day without drinking anything, and he said, "Yes, usually." Well, that just isn't right, so I began putting bottles of water in his truck, and I would tell him it's not good to go all day without eating. But he dismissed my concerns, and I dropped it even though I was still worried.

Well, one day, I had to get out and go to the pharmacy, which is right by where he works and also right by several other businesses. It was about noon when I drove by his work. Naturally, I looked over in the lot to see if his truck was there, but it wasn't. I thought that was pretty strange, but didn't overthink it.

About 3 minutes later, I pulled into the pharmacy, which is directly across from a McDonald's. I couldn't help but notice there was a bright orange truck in the drive-up. I just shook my head and laughed. And to think I spent valuable time worrying about him. No more bottles of water for you, Buck-o. Not when you have a large Diet Coke and McDouble behind my back.

Hard to miss in a drive-up.

Hard to miss in a drive-up.

Truths Uncovered

There you have them. Five truths I never would have discovered if I was living my normal life. I guess, if nothing else, being home has given me a new perspective. I wonder how much more I can discover before this pandemic is over.

© 2020 Marcy Bialeschki