I am a mother of three adorable monsters, I mean kids. My Blissful Optimism is under attack daily, I have lots of practice regaining Bliss.
Regain Your Bliss
In the daily grind of Motherhood, my sanity is often pushed to the breaking point. My kids, like all kids, squabble between themselves all day long. In any given hour I find them arguing who likes blue the best, who likes Batman the most and who didn’t pull their siblings hair. I have dealt with complaints about one sibling farting near the other, someone getting ONE more Goldfish craker than the others and even “sister is thinking to loud”. The irony is that the moment they are separated they throw a fit to be allowed to play together again.
Over the last few years, I have had to find creative ways to just ignore the minor squabbling for the sake of my inner peace. This list, which some may say is a lesson in “Lazy Parenting”, is meant to be humorous and to let other mom’s know they are not alone in sometimes wanting to ignore it all for a moment.
Note: I ALWAYS step in if I hear real fighting, loud thumps or genuine tears!
10: Do Yoga
I always try to start here. If I can do a few Down Dogs, Goddess Poses and maybe a Child’s Pose or Happy Baby Pose I can almost not care about the ridiculous “who is looking at who” argument going on down the hall.
9: Step outside
Yoga doesn’t always cut it so sometimes I put more distance between me and them and get some fresh air. It’s important to do it quietly or the child fleeing from the one yelling “Smell my fart” will follow you out.
8: Sit in the car with the radio on
When they sense you have left the building and bring the “Brother is flicking boogers at me” into your Blissful moment in nature; Hop in the car, lock the doors, turn on the radio and signal to them that you cannot hear them and don’t understand.
7: Bake something delicious for one
This one is when you really want them to know you have had enough of the “I liked all the colors first so you can’t like any of them” spat going on. I have my go to Snickerdoodle Mug Cake recipe, that smells great and makes just enough for me. Then I proceed to #6, when the deliciousness brings them into the kitchen.
6: Put on headphones and rock out
This way you can’t hear the yelling about who likes the smell more and you can pretend like you have no idea what they are saying when they are begging for a bite. (Don’t give in to giving them a bite it will just turn into either “I got the biggest bite” or “Why did sister get more?”
5: Put on their least favorite movie/TV show and turn it up, WAY UP
When my daughter was a little younger she couldn’t stand “Everybody Loves Raymond”. We would turn it on and she would cry “No Rayme!” and run from the room. Now I just put on some boring show so they stay out of the room and I don’t have to mediate who gets to sit where with the enviable “that’s my spot” or “ Sisters toe is 5 inches from me on the couch”.
4: Grab a crunchy snack
Very similar to #6 and #8 with a little #7 mixed in. I often hide in the pantry and crunch loudly so I can’t hear the nails on a chalkboarb whining about how unfair that Big Brother has 6 crayons that aren’t broken and Little Brother needs new ones because he purposely broke them for fun and now he only has 3 unbroken crayons.
3: Hide in the bathroom with the fan on
This is a tried and true technique all mothers use not only for avoiding the blame game of which Brother peed on the floor (spolier alert: They both did) but also to get a nice cathartic cry in when everything gets too overwhelming.
2: Remember the days before you had kids or when they were babies
My kids can tell when I’m using this technique. My eyes glaze over and stare vaguely into the distance, while a serene smile finds its way onto my face. I remember when I could go somewhere on a whim, without packing a bag full of snacks, clothes, etc. “just in case”. I also enjoy remembering when they were all babies and couldn’t walk or talk yet. They just stayed where you put them, making cute little noises. These were wonderful times before I had to listen to three kids debate who is the best based on the order I grew them. My oldest claims she’s the best because she was in my tummy first. The middle one cries because he should have been first and my youngest proclaimes proudly that he is the best because he kicked them both out so he could enjoy my tummy all to himself.
1: If you can’t beat ‘em, join them
Sometimes the oldest sibling in me kicks in and I have to let them know that actually “I liked all the colors first”, I am the best because I am the oldest and all the spots on the couch are mine I I’m just being nice and letting them sit there. Then I give them each a good old fashion noogie on the head and we all end up laughing which really is the best medicine.
Let’s face it, the squabbels will never end. Obviously, they love each other enough to know that even after a disagreement everyone will make up and be best friends again, so for your own sanity just find a way to ocassionally ignore them and Regain your Bliss.