Where am I? It’s so cold and dark in here. I can barely feel my hands let alone see them. I start to feel around looking for a light switch or a wall, but there’s nothing. So far I’ve found myself in a cold dark place with nothing around. I scream out and all I get is the echo of my own voice. Okay if there’s an echo there’s a way out of here. I start to walk around hoping that I’ll bump into something or hopefully someone. I reach out my arms hoping to come across a door or something, but again there’s nothing.
Now I’m starting to get scared. I can’t figure out where I am. There is no place like this anywhere on Earth. It’s so quiet, mind numbingly quiet. Why is it so quiet?! I screamed hoping that something or someone will hear me. There’s nothing. This is the kind of silence that gets to be painful. The kind of silence that causes a person to go insane. WHERE THE HELL AM I?!?! I’m starting to feel my mind as it sleeps away from me. Why can no one hear me? Why can’t I hear anyone or thing? Please help me. I continue to walk. I have to keep walking because there is a way out, there is an end. My god why haven’t I found an end. Ugh, I’m sick of this cold. It’s really starting to hurt. I can feel the hair on my body stand on end. My body is starting to burn from this cold.
I’m sick of this darkness. Not even the ice caps get this dark. It’s a pitch black, almost like I’m in a room with no windows. It looks like when close your eyes really hard and you can see colors dancing around. This kind of darkness is kind of artificial. The only problem I have with this idea is that if this a room, why can’t find ANY WALLS!? How did I get here? Why am I here? Why can’t I remember anything? It’s like my mind has no recollection of anything passed what can only feel like hours. But I don’t feel hungry, tired, or hell like I even have to go to pee. This place is making me crazy.
I’m a good person I know I am, and I just need to know what is happening to me. Okay sit down and think what can you remember and what’s your most recent memory. Okay my name is, is, is… I can’t remember my own name, what person doesn’t remember their own name? My name is Stacy, no Tamera, no Adelaide, no no no! None of those are right. I don’t even think I’ve met a real person named Adelaide. Okay dummy, try remembering where you grew up or even your parents’ names. My parents are, are,are… Dammit! WHY CAN’T I REMEMBER ANYTHING!?!? I can’t remember even the most basic of information. What is wrong with me?! I can’t remember my name and I can’t remember who my parents are, why dear God is this happening to me?
It has to be this place. It’s doing something to me, it’s driving me insane. Just being here right now I can feel the memories slipping away. How did I get here? If only I could remember what it was that brought me here or even who I was before I got here. All I want to know is, what is my name?
This place is hell.
I let out a scream of anguish, but this scream is different than the others. I can’t hear it. I, I feel like I’m screaming, but there is no sound. What happened to the sound? I can’t even hear myself anymore. The silence is deafening at this point. It’s so quiet that I’m actually starting to forget about being cold and disoriented. I can take the freezing my ass off and the disorienting nature of the darkness, but this silence I just can’t take. I need sound, any sound. How can I be the only thing here? I try shouting at what feels like the top of my lungs again and there is still nothing. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!?
I start to run and run hoping that when I stop I’ve either died from the exhaustion or I’ve come across another person. This can’t be what becomes of me. Surely I had a family or friends even, someone somewhere looking for me, wanting to find me. It feels like I’ve been running forever, but I’m not tired. Why am I not tired? I feel my body burning from the cold and the darkness is starting to make me dizzy, but I can’t stop running. I have to reach an end. There has to be end to this madness.
So I won’t stop until I’ve reached an absolute end. Even if I run head on into a wall at least then I have an idea about where I am. But I’m running and running and there’s still nothing. No walls, no people, no animals, not even a wind. HOW CAN IT BE THIS COLD AND THERE BE NO WIND!? Why didn’t I notice that before? It’s freezing cold but I don’t feel any wind. This must some kind of maze or room I’m trapped in. Suddenly I feel the need to stop running. There is no point in running, walking, or even thinking about escaping. My thoughts have become overwhelming at this point. I JUST WANT IT TO STOP!!
Trying to escape this world is pointless. Suddenly I’m collapsing to the ground and coming to the realization that I’m truly trapped here. I don’t know if I’m dead or alive, I just know I can’t fight it anymore. All of sudden, almost like a rush of calming waves, my body stops burning and cold is actually starting to feel good. I start to find a peace in this darkness and silence. I don’t need to escape anymore. It’s at this point I start to feel the first calm sensation since being here. I feel myself being consumed by the cold, the darkness, and the silence. A part of me always knew I wasn’t going to be able to fight it and I guess in the end that that part was right.
© 2019 Zilfia J Robinson