Velleity - Flash Fiction
The sun pierced through my skin and blinded my eyes as I walked out into the open. Then a hand covered my eyes. I tried to remove it but I can’t so I hold onto the hand instead. The fingers are long and firm. As I turned around, I felt a slight brush on my forehead and smelled a musky perfume. The touch brought shivers to my skin as I remembered the masculine scent. “Hi!” he whispered in my ear.
I smiled, “Hi,” I replied.
“Ready?” He asked.
“Sure am. Mr. Bond,” he sneered. He never liked that name. He reached out for a cap and a pair of sunglasses from his messenger bag and handed it over to me. I grinned for he knew I was never the umbrella girl.
John and I have known each other since high school. We have grown into each other over the years. He knew what is in my mind even before I even say it. We even finished each other’s sentences. He has been there with me in every milestone in my life from when I graduated to when I got my 1st job. From my 1st heartbreak to when I lost Hush, the Pomeranian he gave me on my 18th birthday. He was there when I cried my heart out when everyone thought I would get over him (Hush) after a day. But I never did.
He reached out holding some of my fingers as he walked a step ahead of me. Others have noticed how awkward it looked but it did not bother us at all. Or, maybe it has become a habit. In my heart, I have always wanted to interlace my fingers with his as we walk side by side. Yet I am not ready for the consequences it could bring. I loved him but crossing the line could mean losing him forever.
Then, came along Pete. He came like whirlwind sweeping me off my feet showering me with compliments and gifts. He was a breath of fresh air.
It was the spring of 2018 when he showed up from out of the blue. I remembered how I met him. The rain was pouring like cats and dogs. As always, no umbrella in tow. The sky grew darker and I knew I had to run so as not to miss the last bus home. Pete appeared from nowhere and offered me his umbrella to the bus. We sat next to each other. I stood up to go down on my stop. He followed suit. For a second, I thought he was stalking me when I realized he actually lived in the same area. We talked for a while as he walked me to my apartment. The next day I saw him again. And the days after. He became a regular companion.
From a regular walking companion, we became coffee buddies and would go on casual “friendly” dates. One time, we stood at the crossroad waiting for the traffic light to turn green. “I’m sorry for what happened in there. I am really clumsy and have no idea how to fix it.” He has this “heroic” stance -- always there to the rescue. A perfect fit for a walking disaster, like me. He turned around, “You don’t need to be fixed, just loved.” The light turned green, Pete moved forward but I was stuck, frozen. He turned around and smiled grabbing my hand. His hands intertwined with mine. “I like the way your hand fits in mine.” He leaned closer, “And I constantly want to kiss you,” shooting hundreds of butterflies in my stomach.
Little did I know that this short unexpected encounter would stir me off course. He made me feel like a princess. He was everything John was not and everything I wished he could be. Did I have a change of heart? All my life, everyone had been rooting for John coaxing him to finally make that move. But he never did. Now, here comes Pete.
I was spring of 2019. A friend invited us to visit their country house. John picked me up at my house. He knew that I am a heavy packer and so came to my rescue. We walked out from my apartment with his hand barely touching mine. A scooter came running to us. I clung to him as he stretched his arm protecting me from any disaster. “It’s okay, I am here,” he said as his fingers brushed my hair sending thousands of jolts to my heart.
We sat next to each other on the bus. “You are awfully quiet,” he whispered as he took my head leaning it on his shoulder. His hand found mine and for the first time, he interlaced his fingers. I looked at our hands amazed at how comfortable it felt. “Do you know why I never held your hand like this?”
“No,” I said as he pulled me closer to him.
“Because I didn’t want to contain you. Clumsy as you may look, you are a butterfly that needs to fly away and be admired. I have always found happiness seeing you that way. But you know that I will always come running to you when something happens, right?”
He must have felt something was amiss. Those words have a double edge meaning. I pretended to sleep for the next 2 hours to collect my thoughts and feelings.
The moment we arrived, we noticed some of her friends have settled in. I was hoping to find some time alone to find clarity. But I did not expect the next thing that happened.
There we were standing all in one room -- Pete, John, and I. It was good while it lasted. This time I am making a choice and I am choosing him.