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Ghost of You

My Halloween is not filled with flickering lights, eerie noise, and dark hallways. Nor is it filled with candies and kids playing pretend.

My Halloween is not filled with ghosts that you see at night or under your bed or in your rearview mirror when you're driving alone on a poorly lit road. Not the ghost of a lady dressed in white or a fallen soldier killed in combat, or a teenager who's had enough of this world.

My Halloween is filled with ghosts of the past. Of you and I and oh, how that haunts me. My Halloween is filled with memories of that first glimpse, the first hello, the first touch.

My Halloween is filled with this love that kills. The love that society will never see. So forbidden Icarus would be proud of me. The love that breathes life into you but takes the spirit out of me. And now, the more you live, the more I die. And I guess that's how it was always meant to be.

So this is my Halloween.

The flickering lights, my heart struggling to beat.

The eerie noise, the sugary words you spoke to me.

The dark hallways that I used to walk with you, but now I have to walk with me.

The candies, sweet like those memories.

And the kids playing pretend, that's me,

a counterfeit of who I try to be.

© 2021 Benjamin Labajo

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