In the world of single-parenting, I cannot imagine anything more difficult than a parent losing a spouse, and then having to continue raising their children while going through the grieving process. A close second would be a grandparent having to take over the parent role for their grandchildren after losing a child. When death is included in the equation of a single-parent household, I imagine that there is no comparable pain. It continues to amaze me the strength and resilience people have to carry-on and recover in these situations.
Many single-parent families are the result of divorce. While a physical death has not taken place, divorce can result in many small deaths, which require a grieving process as well. The union of two people is the beginning of a merger of dreams and expectations that are to serve as a foundation for building a future. The future often involves children, for the basis of a family. With a divorce, all of the building comes to a screeching halt and what has been built must now be broken down.
For many who believed that “two become one” in a marriage, a divorce is no less than a rupture; it is a ripping apart of an individual, an internal death often creating an identity crisis and leaving one with a feeling of emptiness.
Dreams are re-categorized as unfulfilled at best, or they eventually morph into nightmares. Plans are either suspended or pended indefinitely, or completely rewritten. All of these adjustments come in varying speeds and degrees and often leaves a divorcee feeling unstable. Re-stabilizing, rebuilding, repairing and revitalizing one’s life, however, are all possible with the right coping skills and a strong support system.
Often times, a single-parent discovers their strengths in the tough situations that are unique to single-parents households. Often feeling that they must play dual roles, single-parents tend to fall into one of two categories. They either feel guilty, imagining that they are falling short in every aspect or they realize how truly magnificently they are using the coping skills in their survival tool belts.
Momdad is my creation, intended to encourage those who often place themselves in the category of falling short. It is a personification of all the good that comes from the challenges of a single-parent household, such as organization, problem-solving and relationship building. Momdad also personifies the goodness that is maintained through all the frustrations of dealing with a mostly absent parent or unfortunately present, uncooperative co-parent. Lastly, Momdad is giving a humorous voice to an often silent sorrow.
Hello. My name is Momdad, and I just wanted to take a few minutes to introduce myself.
0:07 Yah might’ve heard about me in the past few days and I just wanna take some time to make some things perfectly clear before people start saying things about me that aren’t so.
0:17 Uh, the first thing that I’d like to make clear is that I’m not a person. I am a personification. And, uh, I only exist in relationships where the fathers are not taking the active roles that they should in the lives of the children that they co-produced.
0:35 [mouth smack] Now, I do not exist in relationships where the women are trifling and not allowing well-meaning fathers to, uh, participate in their children’s lives. I don’t necessarily appreciate those women.
0:49 Now [lip smack], there’s not too many things that I don’t like. Uh, I’m not a fighter; I’m a problem solver. I basically show up in the situations where .. that are [pause, looks up] prevalent in single-parent ff… households. You know. When the things get a little bit rough, I tend to show up and try to help out. [small noticeable inhale] Uh, that’s basically what I’m hh.. .. um. that’s basically what I’m all about.
1:10 Okay. Momdad, Dadmom. It doesn’t matter .. whichever. [chuckle] I respond to both [chuckle].
1:16 Um, now I do have a little thing that I don’t appreciate, I must say. Um, I don’t really like when the women hijack [rolls eyes] Father’s day. You know? Uh, Mother’s Day is for mothers .. Father’s Day is for Father’s. To each their honorable day. You know?
1:30 Now I know you do, you do .. now, let’s be real. Most single-parent households are mothers. Right? Single mothers. And I do definitely appreciate the sacrifices that y’all make, but, I mean, to each their honorable day, like I said. Right? And you know, maybe one day there’ll be a Momdad day .. [chuckle] who know, you know, but that’s not really important to me. You know. I kinda benefit from both to be honest. Okay.
1:53 Um, but then really, that’s .. that’s just really all I had to say.
1:57 Um, I just want y’all to know that I appreciate all the sacrifices that y’all make. And thank you to the support systems that help us get through those tough situations.
2:06 Alright. Uh. That’s .. that’s it. Um [looks to the side].
2:09 Mom .. Momdad signing off. Thank you for your time.
Are you a single-parent?
© 2018 Marie Danielle L. Lucien