Everyday has become a routine. From a not-so-decent slumber, you wake up to a new yet hopeless day. You do your zombie waltz to the bathroom just to try to jump-start yourself with a cold shower but only wanting it to end soon.
You skip breakfast. Most important meal, what? Sure, you can just do brunch or maybe have something heavy for lunch—like, you know, a platter of regret and sorrow with the agony of being alive on the side then par it up with a banana split so it's not that bad.
You go to where you're supposed to—be it school or office or wherever—not because you want to but just because you should. It's the same every single day. Well, except for weekends I suppose.
Then some days, perhaps, you have these so called friends you get to see when you have money and treat them to dinner. Kidding, I know you'll be out drinking. Trying to, yet again, drown your demons but little did you know you're just training them to swim on deeper waters. Pretending to ignore the world screaming at you for being a shut-in in a world you built for yourself where only you can rule but still you don't.
You go home. I was to say you go house since it never felt like home but it sounds awful. So, you go home. You ride a bus, a van, a train or whatever. While on your way, you try your best to dismiss how full of crap your day has been. You try to reason with yourself how happy you felt under the scrutiny of your own judgement. You argue about what you should be doing right now and how you needed some time to cool off from the tragedy of being born.
You try to sleep but of course you won’t be able to. Unwelcome thoughts will pester you and keep you awake to contemplate how shit of a person you are, how miserable you’ve become and implore you to stop it right then and there so it won’t be a burden anymore but, of course, you won’t.
You’ll again live to see another morning feeling empty. You’ll still dance to the ringing of your alarm all the way to the living room where you left your phone since you’re becoming very forgetful lately that you even forgot how to take pleasure in even the simple things. You’ve been so engrossed in your misery you thought it’s the only thing in the world. You keep doing things you know would harm you. You keep going the same path even when you’ve already seen where it would lead you. You keep crying about the things you can’t even control.
How about you pick up the shoe on the floor you keep stumbling upon when you walk so you wouldn’t make a fuss of it each time you fall? How about you dust your cupboards so you won’t hurt your eyes when you open them when you reach for your cereal? How about you start doing something to break the routine you keep going on about?
You make mistakes, yes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make things right. You can continuously lose but that doesn’t mean you can’t win a fight.
You’re too busy sensationalizing irrational and useless stuff that happen in your life you forget the things you actually enjoy having.
“We’re all going to die anyway.”
Oh, shut up.
Of course, we all will.
For a moment, can you please stop whining? Can you please take a look at what you are missing? Oh yeah, sure, our days are numbered but that doesn’t mean you’ll go around moping and sulking over it like it’s a cheat to actually be alive. Leave behind a story that wouldn’t be forgotten not forget and leave yourself behind.
As much as you spend time thinking about how worthless your life is, try to think about how you can make it worth the struggle. Turn on the light. Wash your face. Look in the mirror and dare to accept the bitter reality. It’s not just you struggling. It’s not just you who’s having a hard time. Everyone is in the middle of a battle and some are already losing, like you, but that’s not the end yet. It only ends when you lose and you only lose when you give up. The fact that you’re still here means you’re still finding a reason, a will to live.
I'll give you one: yourself.
You are worth all the pain and struggle. If you could only realize that then maybe tomorrow you’ll wake up with smile and from there you start again.