Three weeks ago, I ended up a four-year relationship with the person I've planned the rest of my life with. What we had is the mature kind of love—the kind of love that understands and appreciates; the kind of love that sacrifices without asking something in return; it was the kind of love that forgives and accepts, but not everlasting. My partner's love for me faded like shadows of the night when the sun comes up. I kept on asking her why but I always ended up receiving a shrug as a response, like, one Sunday morning, when she woke up, her love for me has gone for a vacation and decided not to come back at all and she can't do anything about it.
"My partner's love for me faded like shadows of the night when the sun comes up"
I was 18 when I first entered a serious relationship, and I knew it wasn't infatuation—'twas love. This love was the total opposite of the person I've imagined myself I will share sneaked kisses with. This love didn't smell like strawberries, like those girls in Y. A. novels, but of cigarettes and coffee. This love speaks of how much he wanted to be a doctor but ended up studying architecture. This love ended with no closure, no but's and why's, just two lovers who parted ways to seek each other's adventures and explore each other's dreams.
"This love didn't smell like strawberries, like those girls in Y. A. novels, but of cigarettes and coffee."
I remember when I was 8, I have this girl seatmate who accidentally drank on my tumbler because she thought that was hers so she became my girlfriend because we already kissed, just "indirectly", she told me. We held hands under our table during classes every day because we think that's what we're supposed to do.
My first love is the most different from the rest. It is unconditional and unending. She has this pair of eyes that looks with so much love and care that would just make you want to melt in her embrace. She smiles at me like I'm the most precious thing in the world. She's the best cook and the best adviser. She's a bunch of quotable quotes. She always says the right words at the right time, just when I needed it the most. She can find in seconds what you've been searching for in an hour. She fixes broken things in just a snap of a hand. She's so strong she never stopped on carrying me since I was born; she still managed to carry me when I am this old, when I, myself, couldn't even stand up with all the tons of emotional baggage adulthood has brought me. My first love is the only kind of love that stays and never fades. She never got tired of saying, "Shh, stop crying, my dear. Mommy's just right here beside you, I will never leave you." and just like that, everything gets better.
"She can find in seconds what you've been searching for in an hour. She fixes broken things in just a snap of a hand."
© 2019 Aira Bulquerin
Kevin Osacdin from Manila City on December 18, 2019: