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A Letter to the one I loved and will always Love.



to someone special

To [my love],

Hi dear, its been long. It has indeed been long since I saw you, but it seems like eternity since we shut the door to love. I was young, but not too young to know that the feeling was all too real, so real, that sometimes I feel guilty thinking that I will end up with someone else for the rest of my life. The picture was so perfect. You and I, just the two of us against the world forever till death do us part was our dream."...for always" is what we said each day.

I feel it-pain-deep inside, knowing that as I write to you something special is missing. I wonder what could have ruined a picture so perfect. Then again, I remember that I am still young and the future is yet to unfold. I am nolonger mad. In fact, I find peace in writing this lovely piece to you and somehow in my wildest dreams, I hope that one day you will find it and read it. Four years was a long time and how it went by so fast. I was so far away from the one I loved,but each day, I whispered a prayer for you, knowing that one day we would be reunited forever.

I had a journal that helped me deal with the distance, but nothing would be good enough to fill the void except the fact that I sought solace from God. I was scared that one day the best thing that happened to me would leave and ooh so painfully true. I know it hurts sometimes, but I know God knows what is best for us sweetheart. I am sorry for the days and the times I seemed so angry with you. I am so sorry for the days I blamed the distance and the days I blamed you. I am so sorry for the times I waIked away without warning and for the hurtful words. I am so sorry that I had to relocate and was not there when you needed me.

I remember the butterflies in my stomach every time we would talk. I miss saying I love you everyday and talking to you every so often. I miss your gorgeous eyes and the kisses we shared. I miss you so much that even though I have let go and let God, my tears flow freely. My heart longs for something that once was and my mind assures me that maybe just maybe byebye did not mean forever.But then again I cannot keep living in the past, I have to live my life and find happiness from within.

If you have found the one for you, then I wish you luck darling. I would only hope that her heart is of gold because I only want what is best for you; that is happiness and love. The past does me no good, and letting it out makes me feel better even though at times it feels like a fresh wound. I still think about you and I still imagine what it would be, just you and me. It was all so real without a doubt. I miss you so much and my pain is emotional and physical though one cannot tell.Some people cannot understand why I held on so long, yet we both know the feeling was like no other. I loved you so much, so much, so much sweetheart.So much. I want to be a friend but it is going to take time for me to accept reality. It is not that I do not care, it is not that I do not want to talk to you, I just need time to heal. Every time I think of you, I think of you loving another. You want us to be friends but do you understand??

You were the love of my life and that I know for a fact. The feeling was surreal. I gave you my heart and when I asked you to give it back, you said you wanted to keep it. Don't worry about me I will be fine because I am strong. Take care of the key to my heart and when you feel it is time to let it go, please do and set it free, that way it will find its way back and I will also be able to move on.

I thank God that I got the chance to love another with all my heart and not for one second do I regret it. As I end this letter, I will leave you with a quote from my favorite movie, the notebook..(a perfect story about us)....

"I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough."

Never would I have thought that loving someone would mean so much, and if the road leads us together again, I promise to love you more than ever before,overlooking the past and embracing the future because for me it will be a dream come true and a love story completed. It will be a gift from above and an answer to a prayer I prayed for so long. It will be picture perfect. But if you find your way into someone else's arms, I wish you luck and abundant joy knowing that God has the best plans for you. You were my world and I promised you that even when the rest of the world would walk out on you, I would be the one left to walk through the journey of life with you and that I forever promise. I harbor no hard feelings and I still think about you my love.

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." - Judy Garland

I think that God will call me selfish for saying that I am still trying to figure out how to live without you. What you must understand is that a very important part of me died. I do not know how to explain it. I blamed myself. I blamed God. I blamed fate....I blamed you.I blamed everything. But everything happens for a reason.You know what I wish? I wish life came with a manual so that during hard times, we would know how to bounce back.

I miss you deeply, I miss your kindness.

I miss the way you held me. Something about our chemistry.

I miss your love. I miss seeing it in your eyes.I miss my best friend.

I pray for you, I pray for your success, I pray for you happiness, I pray that God may walk with you always.

I love you Paul and nomatter where the roads may lead...I always will.

......most importantly, I have slowly learned to let you go.



August 2010.

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