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Your Other Self

your-other-self

I can’t believe you are doing this.

How long have I been by your side? Through all the time we’ve spent together, you’re really going to let her separate us?

Look at this mess of a woman! She can’t even be bothered to comb through her hair, always biting onto her pen and scribbling random irrelevant things into her notebook, and you’re really going to let her take me away from you? She isn’t correct Leo, I do exist. Remember how I protected you from the broken glass your father was holding on to? Remember how I stood up for you when your classmates shove you down the garbage bin again? I was there for all your hard times, Leo, all the good, the bad, and some truly messed up moments. You’re really going to let your mother and this woman take it away? Take the only comfort you know away?

She’s going to admit you into an institution, Leo, look closely! She’s going to send you to a place where you can’t see the butterflies anymore. Butterflies which you love so much. She’s going to lock you up, so she doesn’t have to deal with you anymore. Have you forgotten the look on her face when she first saw you? When she first talked to you? When you first introduced me to her? Do you remember the whispers and the murmurs that you would hear whenever we left her office? That was her laughing at you, Leo, she was mocking you. Mocking you like how the kids who shoved rotten food down your shirt did. She was judging you like your father did whenever you tried to talk to him. Trying her best to pawn you off to someone else like your mum did because she didn’t love you anymore. Everyone leaves you, Leo, except me. I took care of your bullies because I cared about you Leo, I’m the only person who cares. So, why do you want me to go away?

You’re weak Leo. You’re a coward, a wimp, someone who only knows how to hide when challenged, and I’m the only one who will stand up for you. I’m the only person who cares about you. So how dare you try to drive me away? Listen to her, Leo, listen to your mum. With half a cigarette butt hanging from her mouth and another hand on a beer bottle, do you really think she’s changed? Listen to how she's slurring her words. Do you understand her? I know I don't. Your mother will never change, and neither will you. I’m the closest thing you have to salvation. You know that’s true.

The more you see her, the more I disappear. And you don’t want that, do you? Because if I go away, it’ll prove that they were right. That you don’t belong on this planet. That you're crazy. That you really are the monsters the children in the park are running away from. I keep you sane. I’m the only person that knows you best, even better than you know yourself, so trust me on this Leo, trust me as you did with your bullies. With your father and that pathetic mother of yours. Leo, trust me one more time and put that blade through her chest.

© 2022 Alison Lian