Amani is a university student who loves writing. I have been writing since I was twelve. I love writing.
I should believe am almost blind. I have a tendency of not knowing what's happening around me. I also tend to not feel at times. Not that am busy or that I ignore to feel all or see what's really happening,... Its not that I don't care, or I don't want to either. It just happens. It happens. I don't even notice it when it's happening.
Most of the time I end up regretting most of it, I hate myself for seeming ignorant,i hate myself more for seeming too egocentric... I end up blaming myself for a lot of stuff. It's almost become a specialty of mine. A habit if I may add.. A speciality of being ignorant.
Hurting people who cared, ignoring most that loved and I didn't love back, being blind to those that wanted to help. That's me. I won't lie. That's totally me. I'll take all the credit.
But it's not by choice, it's not my wanting. If there was something I could do, I would have done it long ago because am tired of hurting people. Am tired of regretting all the time .
Am sorry if you felt like I didn't care. Am sorry if it seemed like I didn't want you around . Am sorry if I seemed not to recognise your presence. Am sorry if I hurt you.
Am saddened to have been so blind to want I might have wanted... Am sorry I didn't feel it like you did. Am sorry I didn't interprate it like you'd have hoped. Am sorry for being carried away by the me that's always blind and seemingly ignorant.
Am sorry I wasn't the me I wanted to be either.
Am sorry I can't reverse time and mend it all.. Am sorry I can't make it all up to you....
Am sorry I wasn't the me you expected, am sorry you didn't meet the me I wanted you to. Am sorry you met the wrong me ..
Am guessing it's a already a little bit too late to be sorry for all this .....
But am sorry... Am sorry.
© 2019 Amani Utembu
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on February 19, 2019:
Very touching. It is often difficult to allow ourselves to be who we really are when we around someone who cares for us.
I feel we are often afraid to show our true identity but we lose in the end because we were too afraid to take that leap.