Skip to main content

Women's Liberation Confidence

On the third annual Women's Liberation Conference in the Republic of Funga, over ten thousand women attended. This day was a public holiday when women got together to talk about their social and economic challenges and find ways to improve their household incomes and better their lives. Prior to the conference, Captain Charles and his team met to plan ways to utilize this conference to solicit votes for Congressman Wilbur, since the election was drawing near.

"Comrades, the women's annual conference is being held today at Day Sub-County Headquarters. Ethan, this is your sub-county and I'm surprised that you didn't know anything about that conference."

"I knew about it, but I didn't want Wilbur to risk his life by attending because those women are very dangerous."

"What do you mean? Those women are my good supporters!" Wilbur said.

"I don't want you to get hurt again, you know you have gone through a lot in your political career."

"Members, I'm the chief strategist here and I agree with Wilbur. We are not invited to that conference, but we have to attend it since all indications are that Dan is out of town and is not likely to attend," Charles said.

"I have a question: since Wilbur has also joined our team, are we going to change the name of our team to the 'gang of nine'?" Rebecca asked.

"As the election draws near, we shall need a priest and a lawyer and our team will expand, let's not worry about names and titles for now. We shall cross the bridge when we get there. What we need to do now is to go and attend that conference before it ends." Then all left for the conference. When they got there, the conference had just started and Madeline, the president of the conference, was addressing the gathering.

"Ladies, I would like to recognize the arrival of our Congressman Mr. Wilburforce Fireman and his crew. I'm glad because we as women have been looking forward to improving our finances so as to become contributing members of our families and communities; therefore, Wilbur will be hearing very important suggestions from these wonderful women, and I hope he will take their recommendations very, very seriously. Without wasting time, I would like all those who have suggestions to raise up their hands because I will be allowing one by one to come forward to speak. Make sure you talk about issues that contribute to your social and economic development as women. Okay let's get started with the lady in a red dress in the corner," Madeline said. Then the lady walked to the podium and made her remarks.

"My name is Joice Letterman and my concern is about my birthday. Can you imagine my husband forgets my birthday every year! Today was my birthday and he didn't even wish me a happy birthday! That's is why I need to be liberated from my husband's forgetfuness."

"Very important and powerful complaint from Ms Letterman! Congressman Wilbur, did you hear that powerful testimony? Let's move on to the lady in a pink dress, please step forward." The lady stepped forward.

"My name is Tracy Paterson, I want to be liberated from my husband's refusal to learn how to change diapers. Since our baby was born, my husband has never learned how to change diapers. If he doesn't learn now, what will happen when I'm not around? That means I will find the house in a mess! So, I need Congressman Wilbur to put programs in place to teach men how to change diapers."

"You said it beautifully. Look, that is what I'm talking about! I think this conference should change its name from 'Women's Conference' to 'Women's Confidence' because I like the confidence with which women are articulating their concerns. I hope Mr. Fireman is noting down those powerful complaints. Now let's hear from the lady in the green dress."

"I am Grace Johnson. My complaint is about my baby shower. I was very, very upset to see that I was alone with my friends at my baby shower and the father of my baby was out with his friends drinking. In the future, I think our constitution should be amended to make it compulsory for men to attend their wives' baby showers."

"Brilliantly put! I hope our elected officials are listening. Very, very important submission from the baby shower mom! Next is the woman in black pants. Here's the microphone, come forward please."

"My husband snores like a cat. I am Jane Trueman, by the way. This is starting to get on my nerves. I would like our congressman to teach men good manners."

"Excellent, excellent complant. That is what this conference is all about. I love your honesty, Ms. Trueman. Last but not least, let's hear from that lady in a white dress."

"I am by the names of Jacqueline Classy. The problem with my husband is that he refuses to do laundry and dishes all the time, especially when I have done my pedicure and manicure. A presentable wife is supposed to do pedicure and manicure to stay on top of things. How can one be that woman when the only thing her husband does is work, work and work. I need some help in the house!"

"Another very, very powerful, powerful grievance. Thank you all for those brilliant contributions. I think congressman Wilbur has been listening. Let's now give him a chance to respond," Madeline said. Then Wilbur walked to the podium and addressed the Women's conference.

"Ladies, thank you for inviting me to your conference. In a week, our parliamentary election will be held. I ask you to come out in big numbers on the election day to vote for me. That brings me to what I wanted to say. I have listened to your whining very carefully, and all I can say is that your complaints are ridiculous."

"What? that is exactly what I was talking about. This is a Women's conference, don't mess with us, mr. We are not ridiculous. We are smart," one lady said. Then all the women started shouting insults at the congressman.

"Ladies, ladies, calm down. Let the congressman finish what he was saying," Madeline said. When calm had been restored, Wilbur continued with his speech.

"Ladies, don't misunderstand me. What I was saying was that this conference should focus on issues that build you socially and economically as an individual, as a family, as a community and as a nation. You should be raising important questions such as: how can we as women get more educated so that we can also compete with men for good jobs? How can we improve our household incomes? How can we secure loans at low interest rate so that we can fund our businesses? What skills should we learn that will equip us with the confidence we need to start competing with men for political and other leadership positions? I want to repeat what I just said: your complaints about diapers, birthdays, baby showers, laundry and dishes are ridiculous. My advice is that you should strive for the women's liberation confidence that will help you learn to reason beyond kitchen-sink complaints."

When Wilbur was about to conclude his submission, Professor Dan arrived and was welcomed by Madeline.

"Ladies, we are blessed this year because many very important guests joined us for our annual conference. Professor Dan is here with us and let's give him a chance to talk to us." Then Professor Dan walked to the podium and addressed the women.

"It is my pleasure to be here to address all of you wonderful women. You are not ridiculous as my opponent has called you. You are not deplorable. And you are not whinny as Congressman Wilbur is insinuating. You are strong. You are genius and you have the votes. Let's come out in large numbers in one week and vote him out. All those who are going to vote for me raise up your hands." Then all the women raised their hands and started chanting 'Pro. Dan, our man, Pro. Dan, our man.'" "There is one thing you don't know about Congressman Wilbur..., let me first ask you a question: how many of you here are moms?" All the women raised their hands. "If you are a mother, you need to know that you are supposed to be receiving five thousand dollars for child support every month. The government gave your money to Congressman Wilbur and he ate all that money. I'm surprised that instead of returning that money to you, he is insulting you."

"What? I always knew there was something wrong about this congressman. Let me show him what Women's liberation confidence is all about," said one lady as she threw a chair forcefully at Wilbur. Then Wilbur ducked and the chair hit Charles on the head. One lady jumped and grabbed Wilbur by the neck and slapped him repeatedly on the face. Other women came to help, but Wilbur overpowered them and run away. Then the women chased after him while throwing at him chairs and anything they could find. When he was about to cut the corner, Wilbur ran into about three hundred more women who were waiting for him with sticks. He then detoured immediately and ran into the neighborhood known for angry dogs. When one dog saw Wilbur running, it chased him. Wilbur run quickly and climbed a tree to escape it. Then the dog sat down and waited for him. Meanwhile, the woman were still pursuing him. When he saw the women coming with sticks and stones, Wilbur got frightened and accidentally held on a weak tree branch. Then the branch broke and Wilbur fell down on the dog and dog bit his leg. When the dog saw the women approaching with sticks, it ran away. Wilbur ran limping, bleeding profusely to the hospital where Mary was waiting for him.

After the doctors had attended to Wilbur, his campaign team arrived to visit him in the hospital.

"I always told you that Professor Dan was a dangerous replacement," Daniel said.

"I just don't understand. If women also hate you to the extent of chasing you and beating you up, then where are you going to get the votes to win the election?" Mary asked.

"Women love me and will vote for me, that was just a misunderstanding," Wilbur said.

"We got to get going, comrade. Remember, tomorrow is the last day of your political campaign. We shall be meeting senior citizens at Omega Nursing Home. I hope you will be there, Charles said.

"Of course! I will be there. Those old folks are my honest voters. I need every vote I can find." Wilbur's team left and Mary continued attending to her husband.

"I'm now beginning to suspect that when people become politicians, they also become drunk and intoxicated permanently. You have not been treated for dog rabies and you want to leave your hospital bed for a political rally?"

"I have the heart of a lion, I will be fine. Give me my sleeping pills because I want to have a good night's sleep. Mary gave Wilbur his medicine and they both went to sleep.