Why Do We Choose to Make Mistakes?
Lysandra was in her gloomy room on a Saturday. Life was fleeting so fast that she realized that it has been 10 months since he left her for good on that April 21st where everything was clear to her ---- he was leaving to go back to his wife, and marry her for the 2nd time. It was an eye opener that they were living in a fool's paradise.
She remembered how scared she was when he had dauntlessly expressed his feelings for her as if nothing was wrong. She held back but later on took courage and embraced the excitement. But just as she was on top of the world, he suddenly stopped seeing her without giving a reason. It was just like that thrill ride in Canada's Wonderland called the Drop Tower. It takes you 230 feet up just to drop you. Lysandra's heart was crushed into smithereens as she recalled the last day she saw him.
"Sorry, I dropped off the radar." He whispered over the phone.
"Was it because I gained weight?" Lysandra needed to know why he had abandoned her for 2 weeks when he was completely into her for several months.
"No. Of course not."
"Needed to stop being close to you knowing that I was leaving."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm leaving tomorrow."
It was something that Lysandra couldn't respond to so she waited for his next words.
"How do I say goodbye?"
She felt numb. She wasn't sure if her mind wasn't processing or she just simply couldn't respond because she didn't have the right to feel anything.
He sighed and whispered without much confidence. "Can I see you before I go?"
She thought, Oh God. How do I say no to that? "Okay."
April 21st. This was the last time she saw him and she was glad to make that decision. She was glad to make things right.
"I was already drinking for a few hours." This was his statement when she got in the car. Proof enough, his face was all flushed despite his dark complexion.
"What are you drinking?"
He lifted a half-consumed bottle of Jack Daniels.
"Are you sure you can drive?"
There was no response then he started the engine with a simple glance at me. "Did you miss me?" His voice was hoarse but it sounded alluring.
Lysandra's eyes were fixed on the road as if she didn't hear anything.
Oh, okay. He never calls me Lysandra. It has always been Lyz. Is this him being impatient? "Sorry." She paused. "I just don't think it is appropriate for me to even say that I miss you."
"And yet here you are...with me."
"Then why do you ask if you already knew the answer?"
"It would be good to hear it from you."
"Aren't you even feeling guilty?"
"Wow." Lysandra's jaw dropped and looked at him with disgust.
"If you're feeling guilty then why are you with me right now?" He took a quick glance at me with a twitch on his eyebrows.
"I don't know." It was the truth. Lysandra didn't know.
"See that..." He sighed. "There are things we do that we don't understand but we do them because it makes us happy." After a few seconds without a response from her, he continued. "A lot of things that make us happy aren't good for us. Like this one." He lifted the bottle of Jack Daniels again. "Chicken, beef, pork, bacon. I'm not even allowed to eat them because I have a heart condition and yet I binge on them and here I am drinking as well. None of what I am doing right now is good for me. But I'm doing them because it makes me happy."
Lysandra was in awe. Seriously...she didn't know how to respond to that.
"Lyz, are you okay?"
She was busy admiring him that she had been completely silent. She finally said, "You always make sense of everything."
He just simply smiled.
"Pick a color and make a wish." She uttered after what seemed to be the longest 5 minutes of her life.
He looked skeptic. "Red. What color would you pick and why are we doing this?"
She giggled. "Blue. If you see a red car first, your wish will come true and vise versa."
"Really. Why do I feel like you're making it up?"
"Yeah, you caught me. It is super cheesy."
He laughed. "Why are you making things up to strike up a conversation?"
She turned her head away to look through the window then said, "I kinda have to make things up."
"Because nothing is real." She whispered thinking that he didn't hear that.
The engine stopped. Oh shoot. Did he just pull over? She wanted to cry. The next thing she knew, his arms were wrapped around her.
He slowly pulled away from his tight embrace and looked her in the eyes. "This thing that we have is a fantasy."
"I don't think we have anything."
"We can." He paused. "It's just that we choose not to have anything because it is the right thing to do."
"Why did you hook up with me in the first place?"
"Because I wanted to live in the moment and be happy."
"Are you happy now?"
"Not all the right things that we do can make us happy. But while we choose to make mistakes, there should be a time to make things right."
It was a sad fact but Lysandra felt that it was better to feel sad for a while, than to feel guilty for the rest of her life.