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When the Pain Won’t Go Away!

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Writing is my passion. I have an undying thirst and quest in the field of writing. Some eat, drink, or use drugs when stressed; I write.

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Ankara and John had a beautiful wedding; they saved the top tier of their wedding cake and froze it in the freezer to eat on their first anniversary. They took two hours to send out a thank-you note to their guests. Behind ending up an overwhelming pile of written notes, they left for a honeymoon in Paris, France. Everything was lovely; they took a cruise on the Seine river, where they saw many notable monuments of the city. They did a little of everything: opera-attending, district-exploring, group sightseeing, museum-touring, cemetery-perusing, and shopping, but there is no way they can do it.

A year after getting married, Ankara and John began trying to conceive. When they first started, James was so obsessive that it made love-making appear like work, and it took the pleasure out of enjoying it. During the first three months of trying, two of James’ brother’s wives conceived, and that brought about a low point for him. Ankara charts her cycles every month, hoping it would assist her in getting pregnant, but it did not. After much effort, they went to a specialist to learn Ankara’s infertility issues prevent her from conceiving a child.

The doctor prescribes the drug Clomid, hoping it would boost Ankara’s chances of conceiving. But, to no avail, and that when the doctor told her; she could not have children. When her husband John found out, he immediately filed for divorce and left her. He desperately desired a child and wanted a woman who could give him a baby. It devastated Ankara because she made a vow for better and for worse; she took her promise seriously and the end of marriage left her feeling like such a failure. It takes two people to have a marriage, but one selfish partner can ruin a relationship by disregarding the need, wants, and desires of the other person. Divorce affects every area of a person’s life, but tailspins do not stop themselves; you must pull yourself out of it.

After having a hard time handling the pain of divorce, Ankara had to take the time to absorb the pain of an ended marriage. Two months later, moving from feelings to rational thinking; she learned she was expecting a child. It thrilled her because she always dreamed of being a mother. Only it was her faith that paved the way for the excitement and preparation for motherhood.

Eight months into the pregnancy, the doctor gave Ankara an ultrasound where the doctor noticed the embryonic cord was around the baby’s neck; he opted for an emergency operation to save the baby. The baby was born through a caesarian section operation. Ankara named her daughter Grace; the name comes from the Christian and Greek culture and means “Beauty” and “the blessing of God.” She felt Grace was a blessing from God because the doctors said she would never have children. Grace had to be incubated for the next four weeks since the doctor delivered her at eight months.

She was a lovely princess, and her mother spent the four weeks watching over the incubator, Grace was her miracle child, and she could stand nothing to happen to her. The two of them shared a wondrous life, and they were very close to where they did everything together. They prayed together, ate together, lived together, traveled together, shopped together, smile together, and were available for each other.

Ankara's Sister- and brother-in-law welcomed her home; it delighted them to meet little Grace. She was a beautiful little one with bright eyes and a gorgeous skin tone. The two surprise Ankara with a lovely baby nursery they had time to decorate while she was in the hospital. The nursery stood out in butterfly kisses, pink/purple decorations. Inside the crib was a 3-piece baby crib bedding set with butterfly designs on it. The set comprises one quilt, one fitted crib sheet, and one crib skirt with beautiful large butterflies in pink, lavender, and purple decoration.

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Sitting on a little white dresser beside the bed is a magic garden pink/white butterfly lamp with shade and bulb; it is a custom lamp that features a hand-painted butterfly in pink and lavender with a white oval base. Hanging over the bed is a magic garden, pink and lavender butterfly music baby crib mobile that plays lullaby-like rock a bye baby and twinkle, twinkle little star to promote a good night’s sleep. It is such an elegant nursery for a delightful little princess. The lovely surprise of such a charming nursery brought tears to Ankara’s eyes because Grace needed one.

She loved the incredible job the two did with the nursery. Ankara picked up a lavender wood, plush bunny stuffed animal from the pink ombre storage basket and placed it beside Grace. It is the cutest little bunny ever! Very soft, and the bunny arms and legs hang down when you pick it up, but you can also seat the bunny. Ankara named the Bunny Charity and knows Grace will love it as she grows older.

Ankara is planning Grace’s fifth birthday party, and her sister Savannah and brother-in-law James were on their way to the celebration. Something was off for Ankara; she was all over the house checking on Grace, who seemed to have a wonderful sleep. She wore herself out, so she took a heavy blanket and covered herself as she sat at the staircase, watching out the window. Her mind was blank, but her heartfelt heavy. She could not understand the puzzling, crazy feeling she was experiencing. Her heart skipped and her stomach was like a clap of thunder had cut across when the telephone rang and scare her. It was the worst news that anyone could have ever received. The paramedic got her number out of Savannah’s phone and was telling her. A drunk driver, driving on the wrong side of the road, hit Savannah’s car head-on, killing them both instantly. Ankara dropped the phone and starts screaming, “Why,” how could this happen? No! No! No!

Savannah owned a cafe; she left it to Ankara as the sole proprietor. She opens the doors early and ensures cleanliness and great food before serving the first client. On the walls were picture hangings of Savannah, which were the best reasons known to her. Now trying to balance work and motherhood was not a simple task for her, and early morning before she leaves her bedroom, she kneels and seeks divine intervention and guidance throughout the day. Grace grew up to be a jovial little girl, and everyone that visits the cafe loved her. She would hug anyone she knew needed a pick me up. Ankara made sure Grace was well-disciplined in her talk and character. She was most known for her cleanliness, as she would clean and picking up behind the customers and throw the trash in the waste bins.

Grace graduated from high school at the top of her class, valedictorian. She gave an astonishing speech that brought tears to her mother’s eyes. Ankara was so proud of Grace. She immediately enrolled in college to pursue her Mastered as a Counselor. She still spends time at the cafe helping her mother every so often, but she desired to assist people to be a better version of themselves as her top priority.

Time flared on like the melting wax on a heating candlestick. Grace was getting ready for graduation, where she is getting her bachelor’s degree as a counselor, and she was so eager to assist others. She purchased the perfect dress to wear to the graduation, but as she and her mother were walking out the mall to the car, a car came speeding in full force, shooting at a guy that was walking near them.

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Grace got hit in the shooting’s crossfire, Ankara kneels on the ground where her daughter laid holding her hand. Praying she would be okay, but she was pronoun dead shortly after. It devastated Ankara, as she has no other children, no husband, no life without her daughter Grace; she was all she had in the world. The two plan a day that is supposed to be joy and celebration with lots of smiles, not a day of a tragedy like it ended up. The indent left Ankara with a rollercoaster of emotions, a tremendous loss feeling as if she lost part of her soul with a pain that won’t go away.

Ankara was kneeling next to Grace in so much pain that her body froze as she struggles to wrap her head around the news her daughter will no longer be with her. Her ex-husband John was driving by and witness her kneeling on the ground. Out of curiosity, he stopped. Ankara found herself in disbelief that it was him. She tried to get up, but her legs would not allow her to stand, so John helped her up. He asked her how she was doing and who’s the young woman? She opens her mouth to talk, but no word came through.

When she could finally utter words, she kept repeating over and over, “How could this happen, and why?” Ankara pulled herself together enough to share with John Grace is their daughter. She explains to him; she learned she was pregnant two months after he walks off. John said, “Oh my God, I would have been there if I knew.” Only Ankara had no way of contacting him to tell him he was the father of a baby girl. He would have been so proud of the young woman she has grown into. Grace was a little girl who grew up desiring to be independent, and she would say, “I do it by myself,” and she did just that. And the love she gave to others that were so contagious would make his heart pound with excitement and feel necessary for it to beat.

As John views his daughter’s body lying on the ground, his heart ached; he thought, “What a beautiful young woman.” He felt pain in his body that he never thought could hurt so much. John remembered the pain in Ankara’s eyes when he filed for divorce and left; he felt like the biggest fool. He thought I missed out on fatherhood and all the incredible experiences it brings, and I can never get that time back. What a wonderful woman Ankara has been flash into his mind; John asks himself, “How could I be so blind, dumb, and selfish to walk away from a woman that was the best thing that ever happens to me? Later, to learn, she gave me the one thing I so desired, a child. A daughter I lost an opportunity of knowing.

As John sits on the front bench to his daughter’s funeral listening to what a unique woman Grace was from people who had the pleasure of being a part of her life, he experiences a pain that felt as if it would never go away. John experienced deep pain over the loss of his daughter that made him look back on his life to see pain, mistakes, and heartache. He understands his poor decision was life-changing, and those kinds of decisions are scary and hard.

The moral of this story, be careful how you mistreat someone or take them for granted. The decision you make comes with consequences, but remember, you get to present your choice, but you do not select the outcome of your decisions. Making a lot of unwise decisions comes with a lifetime of pain and heartache. Also, when you connect yourself with someone, your decision brings much grief to the people you love. Sometimes, it even brings about pains that won’t go away, you just learn to live with it.

© 2021 Pam Morris

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