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What IF

my story.. in poetry

 full of hurt and pain that has been buried on top of lies, deceit and hate...she sits staring into the night with tears running down her face.... this wouldn't be the first time she hung her head low and sighed anyone who just stopped and took a good look could see the years of pain in her eyes.. still strong through it all she has survived...but how strong is she really when so many times her spirit has been weakened..her faith has been tested ..her so called friends end up leaving.... how strong is a tree if it has all rain and very little sun? its roots become weak because the soil around it has absorbed so much til it can't withhold not another drop of rain without getting a break into the sunlight.... what if ?? what if so many who think that they know her ..really have no idea..because they came up with their own conclusions and never stopped to lend an ear....never made themselves approachable with open arms or a smile...never told her it's ok you can lean on my shoulder trudging along through so many storms... withered and worn..what if all she has left is faith because God keeps her here for some reason but the meaning of her life has not yet been revealed to date..she has learned through trial an error she is stronger than most..but somedays when she is alone and no one knows she cries to the heavens above... asking for guidance every day..praying that the Lord will make a way... knowing He at least has not abandoned her and wondering if the meaning of all the hurt is because she must find it in her heart to forgive all who hurt her.. at age 15, at age 16, at age 17 too.. she endured more than anyone should have to.. getting over one travesty to be faced with another..yet almost no one knew not even her mother... age 19, age 20, 21 and 22 life seemed to look up just to look back down because when no one was looking she had a fool that was pushing her down.. mentally, physically, spiritually he left her weak... so she prayed everyday that if ever it became too much her soul God would keep.. 23, 24 25.. good days and bad days they all began to collide.. but grateful for the sunny days she felt everything was going to be alright.. 2007 brought on a change and a new chapter to her life..she was seeing a change for good.. and she had good people at her side... but life is about decisions and in that are some tests.. 2009 became the year of more hurt and many tears shed.. so many nights laying awake..asking how much more will she have to much more can one person take... she threw up her hands and asked what if.. what if none of the things in her life had happened and if the story of her life had been different... scarred for life in more ways than one.. anguish and despair always daunting her door.... God has a plan no doubt ..sometimes you just have to hold on... through the tears, through the deceit, through the pain, through the years... He hath made her strong when everything set against her intended to make her weak.. what if she had gave it all up at 15 when she was robbed of innocence at 16 when history almost repeat 17 when someone so close hurt her the most.... she would never get to see how strong of a woman she would turn out to be.. through it all I managed to survive.. no you won't see a tear in my eyes..but if you look close you just may see the pain... the pain of so many hurts..the culprits will not be named.. but people see me for what they want to see and even when you tell your life story they find it hard to believe.. who am I? I am smart, strong, funny, witty, analytical, worn, and torn... but with the hurt came something that made me that a brighter day is unfolding I just have to wait, watch and see.. for everything bad that ever happened in my life something good will come out of it if i wait patiently... well this is my story boys and girls.. pretty good don't you think.. the question is...what if?? what if all of this is really me..

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