What IF

Updated on February 18, 2019

my story.. in poetry

 full of hurt and pain that has been buried on top of lies, deceit and hate...she sits staring into the night with tears running down her face.... this wouldn't be the first time she hung her head low and sighed anyone who just stopped and took a good look could see the years of pain in her eyes.. still strong through it all she has survived...but how strong is she really when so many times her spirit has been weakened..her faith has been tested ..her so called friends end up leaving.... how strong is a tree if it has all rain and very little sun? its roots become weak because the soil around it has absorbed so much til it can't withhold not another drop of rain without getting a break into the sunlight.... what if ?? what if so many who think that they know her ..really have no idea..because they came up with their own conclusions and never stopped to lend an ear....never made themselves approachable with open arms or a smile...never told her it's ok you can lean on my shoulder awhile..so trudging along through so many storms... withered and worn..what if all she has left is faith because God keeps her here for some reason but the meaning of her life has not yet been revealed to date..she has learned through trial an error she is stronger than most..but somedays when she is alone and no one knows she cries to the heavens above... asking for guidance every day..praying that the Lord will make a way... knowing He at least has not abandoned her and wondering if the meaning of all the hurt is because she must find it in her heart to forgive all who hurt her.. at age 15, at age 16, at age 17 too.. she endured more than anyone should have to.. getting over one travesty to be faced with another..yet almost no one knew not even her mother... age 19, age 20, 21 and 22 life seemed to look up just to look back down because when no one was looking she had a fool that was pushing her down.. mentally, physically, spiritually he left her weak... so she prayed everyday that if ever it became too much her soul God would keep.. 23, 24 25.. good days and bad days they all began to collide.. but grateful for the sunny days she felt everything was going to be alright.. 2007 brought on a change and a new chapter to her life..she was seeing a change for good.. and she had good people at her side... but life is about decisions and in that are some tests.. 2009 became the year of more hurt and distress...so many tears shed.. so many nights laying awake..asking how much more will she have to prove..how much more can one person take... she threw up her hands and asked what if.. what if none of the things in her life had happened and if the story of her life had been different... scarred for life in more ways than one.. anguish and despair always daunting her door.... God has a plan no doubt ..sometimes you just have to hold on... through the tears, through the deceit, through the pain, through the years... He hath made her strong when everything set against her intended to make her weak.. what if she had gave it all up at 15 when she was robbed of innocence at 16 when history almost repeat itself..at 17 when someone so close hurt her the most.... she would never get to see how strong of a woman she would turn out to be.. through it all I managed to survive.. no you won't see a tear in my eyes..but if you look close you just may see the pain... the pain of so many hurts..the culprits will not be named.. but people see me for what they want to see and even when you tell your life story they find it hard to believe.. who am I? I am smart, strong, funny, witty, analytical, worn, and torn... but with the hurt came something that made me strong..faith that a brighter day is unfolding I just have to wait, watch and see.. for everything bad that ever happened in my life something good will come out of it if i wait patiently... well this is my story boys and girls.. pretty good don't you think.. the question is...what if?? what if all of this is really me..

Questions & Answers

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment
      • profile image

        andrea 

        8 years ago

        Hey thanks for reading... and through every bad moment I tell myself it gets better..it is my darkest moments that make the good times shine

      • Heart Felt Book profile image

        Cheri Taylor 

        8 years ago from New York, NY

        I WOULD GO CRAZY LOL..BUT BE BLESSED IF SO

      • Heart Felt Book profile image

        Cheri Taylor 

        8 years ago from New York, NY

        great poem!! thanks for the hub. KEEP MOVING FORWARD

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, letterpile.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://letterpile.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
      ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)