What a Hyde! a Flash Fiction Story

Updated on October 17, 2019
Jodah profile image

John has many years of writing experience in poetry, short fiction and text for children's books. Basically he just loves to write.

Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from | Source

Ruby's Request

In a comment on my latest Poems From the Porch article, Ruby Jean Richert (AlwaysExploring) asked the following:

"Can I ask you to write a short fiction story that is really scary? ... Thanks in advance."

Normally, I use the requests in comments as prompts to write future poems for the Poems From the Porch, but as Ruby requested a short fiction story it didn't really fit. However, as Halloween is approaching I decided to try writing a story in time for that and publishing it as a separate hub. This is the result. Ruby, thank you for the request, and I hope you enjoy "What a Hyde!"

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.

— Robert Louis Stevenson
Full waiting room
Full waiting room | Source

What a Hyde!

The clinic's waiting room was full to overflowing. There was either an awful lot of sickness around at the moment or this doctor was very popular. Being a new patient here, I hoped it was the latter.

My appointment time was ten minutes ago but considering how many others were ahead of me I sat back with an outdated magazine and braced myself for quite a wait. Luckily I had no other appointments or commitments today.

In time, the waiting room began to thin out as a new patient was called into the surgery every 20 minutes or so. I had been dozing a little, but looking at my watch I saw I had been waiting over an hour. It was almost my turn when, suddenly, a weird thought struck me. I hadn't seen anyone come out of the surgery.

"I hadn't seen anyone come out of the surgery." Image by Gerd Altmann from
"I hadn't seen anyone come out of the surgery." Image by Gerd Altmann from | Source

Normally, you see the last patient approach the counter and then leave as the next name is being called. But, I was sure no one had left! I admit I was tired, so maybe I'd slept more than I thought and missed some leaving. But, surely not all.

When I had phoned the clinic to make an appointment I hadn't asked the doctor's name. I had just been happy to get an appointment with anyone at short notice. I was still feeling uneasy when, just then, I heard my name being called, "Mr Hansen? Doctor Jekyll will see you now."

I stood up, and gazing at the nurse I noticed her name badge, "Louise Stevenson," but instead of following her into the doctor's surgery, I turned my back on her and ran out the front door.

Source

Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.

— Robert Louis Stevenson
By Unknown, published by the National Printing & Engraving Company, ChicagoModifications by Papa Lima Whiskey  Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=10048960
By Unknown, published by the National Printing & Engraving Company, ChicagoModifications by Papa Lima Whiskey Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=10048960 | Source

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    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      11 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Whoa! I would have run as well! So well done, John. Many thanks to Ruby for her request. And I loved the Stevenson quotes.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Sean. Yes, Ruby deserves credit for this story because without her request I wouldn’t have written it. Glad you enjoyed it. Yes beware the doctors.

    • Sean Dragon profile image

      Ioannis Arvanitis 

      11 months ago from Greece, Almyros

      Excellent work, my brother! Clever, flashing and thrilling! And you can use it as a dark joke too! Lol! Thank you and Ruby for this!

      Beware of the doctors!

      Sean

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading this JC. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Cheers.

    • JC Scull profile image

      JC Scull 

      11 months ago from Gainesville, Florida

      Very good John. I enjoyed it.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Yes, sometimes running is the wisest thing to do. Thank you for reading my bit of scary fun, Ann.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      11 months ago from SW England

      Short, simple and scary! The tension builds and then... he runs!

      Great.

      Ann

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you very much Alyssa. You have a great weekend too.

    • Alyssa Nichol profile image

      Alyssa 

      11 months ago from Ohio

      This was delightful! Have a wonderful weekend!

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Bill, it is always an honour to get a positive comment from such a master storyteller as yourself. Cheers my friend.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Lora, I am pleased you enjoyed this bit of Halloween fun.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you so much Tiyasha. Glad you enjoyed this.

    • Cattaleya profile image

      Tiyasha Maitra 

      11 months ago from Gurgaon

      Haha. I love it. It has humour as well as a tinge of suspense. Good one.

    • Lora Hollings profile image

      Lora Hollings 

      11 months ago

      A very funny and witty flash fiction story, John, that is so appropriate for Halloween! I'd be out of there too, in an instant. Great job at meeting this challenge.

    • Billrrrr profile image

      Bill Russo 

      11 months ago from Cape Cod

      Crafting a complete and effective tale in about 200 words is quite difficult. You managed it in your customary excellent style John. Nice set-up and a great knockout punch.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Haha Mary, that would be the wisest thing to do.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Linda. Thanks for reading. Actually, I am not a great story teller unless I have written it down first.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for reading this story Tia. I am glad you enjoyed it.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Lori, it is fortunate your cataract surgery is over with so you don’t have to worry about it. Thanks for reading.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Liz, I am so pleased this had you hooked. Oh, yes, make sure you check those other patients come out first.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Yes, Shauna, just in time. Thanks my friend.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks so much for reading Lorna.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      11 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      That would scare me and I would be out of there in a hurry as well.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 

      11 months ago from Washington State, USA

      Oh, short and to the point and sure glad you got the heck out of there. You're quite the storyteller (I'll bet you're great at a campfire).

    • Tia Miller23 profile image

      Tia Miller 

      11 months ago from Arkansas

      This was great. I really enjoyed this story! You told it very well.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      11 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      Oh my. I just got done with two cataract surgeries over the summer. Thank goodness I didn't get Dr. Jekyll and Louise Stevenson. Creepy indeed.

    • Eurofile profile image

      Liz Westwood 

      11 months ago from UK

      This kept me hooked completely. I appreciare the way you take a very familiar setting and work your tale through it. I shall be checking patients come out of the doctor's surgery next time I am waiting for an appointment!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      11 months ago from Central Florida

      Wow, good thing you came to your senses, John or you may not have been here to tell this spooky story!

    • Lorna Lamon profile image

      Lorna Lamon 

      11 months ago

      A nice twist to this tale John and I was left wanting more. It definitely had a creepy feel, just perfect for Halloween. Great read.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank oh so much, Cheryl. I will try my best.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading this Eric. Haha you would hug her I know you.

    • Cheryl E Preston profile image

      Cheryl E Preston 

      11 months ago from Roanoke

      Your talent always shines through. Continue giving us great reading material.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      11 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I have got to get a life. I would have hugged her. Oh well I just got over my fear of the dark 10 years ago. I think I went too far.

      I love this twist.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey, Ruby, glad you enjoyed this short story. Yes, Louise May may have told jokes will the patients died. I’d cancel any doctors’ appointment too.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Haha Bill. You are a a funny man.Thanks for reading.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      11 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Talk about scary, you hit the nail squarely on the head. I wonder if Louise told jokes while they slaughtered the patients? Thanks for the great Halloween story. I think I will cancel my appointment with my Doc.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      11 months ago from Olympia, WA

      If I had a nurse with that name, I would run too....just sayin'

      Well done, buddy!

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Pamela. I really dint need to make any l

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      11 months ago from Sunny Florida

      This is a good, short but scary story. I would have run out of the waiting room also, although I did laugh as I finished reading. The names were a true wake-up call!

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Ouch! that sounded scary, Flourish. I am hoping you found out about the complaints in time.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      11 months ago from USA

      Sounds like a podiatrist who wanted to cut on my foot. Turns out he had a bunch of complaints against him filed with the medical board.

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