Watching the Deconstructed Hypocritical Detectives
Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 13 years.
Woke up with the satisfaction of not hearing an alarm clock
Shouting at increasingly deafening high decibels
That it was time to get up and tackle the day head on
Like a defensive lineman that pictured sacking the quarterback
The stormy feelings of an overheated and caffeinated Tuesday
Vanished under the cloud of fatigue and Melatonin
Had a mission to have a lazy morning of tooling around
On the computer looking up random pictures and cat videos
To post on social media to cause likes and confuse the rest
Just for the sheer fun of being vague and mysterious on the internet
A new persona unable to pull off on the stage and in the real world
Don't have the poker face to make being an enigma successful
Will have to settle for being plain honest Jane in broad daylight
Been told by many occasions by New Jersey's own critic du jour
The modern day combination of Hazel, Archie Bunker and Ralph Kramden
That my appearance was too washed out and pale to be noticed
A personality much worse than a tiger's nails on a chalkboard
A laugh that made Fran Drescher's fictional laugh all the more appealing
Sensitivity to being poked, prodded and critiqued by Siskel and Ebert
With a decorum of a bull locked up overnight in a china shop
Shocked and horrified by the aftermath after a short visit
Felt like an eternity in a police interrogation room
Sweated out by Det. Lennie Briscoe and Sgt. Joe Friday
Two different top television cops from different shows and eras
Comforted and eviscerated at the same time by their blunt honesty
Left the sweatbox of a room ten pounds lighter and completely depressed
Developed a desire to eat all four recently purchased Mr. Goodbars at once
A failure in life and in living up to the expectations of the critics
Wondered how to top my last box office success
Without appearing too desperate to be liked by everyone
Eager to not have to pander my integrity away
Just to make a few miserable toads smile for a brief moment
Likely at my own expense to be ridiculed at a later publication
Knew that his particular critic will never change their views
Too much time passed for this leopard to change their spots
Tattooed them in black permanent ink; impossible to remove
Not even surgically will do the trick of moving the impossible
Resigned by the fact that this creature will remain unmoved
Won't develop a sensitivity chip to implant in their brain
Even if they were struck by lightning or won the lottery overnight
Forced to accept that this tortured starlet needs to grow a backbone
Developed a metal and steel laced spine to fight back
Without having to utter a word in defiance against them
Done trying to win the approval of someone who'll never give it
Striving to find some small slice of Apple Pie flavored happiness
No more tears extended to more than just baby shampoo
Bought some gently used boxing gloves to hit the heavy bag with
Trying to bounce back from the latest not-so civil skirmish
Had been slow going but leisurely getting some colorful humor back
A smile crept up while listening to Bowie and Clapton hits
Destined to strive to a weekend of mellow easy listening
No need for any type of reproach, especially when no offense committed
Moved on from the sting of too much salt thrown into the open wounds
No Neosporin or alcohol can erase the ones invisible to the naked eye
Ready to put on the Kevlar vest and other assorted body armor
Before entering enemy territory unprepared
Get ready to run now. Duck whenever necessary.