I'm just a man ... standing in front of the world ... asking them to love my writing.
Hot Child In The City
I grew up in the system.
I never knew my parents and don't know if I have any siblings, aunts and uncles or cousins or grandparents. So basically I've been taking care of myself since I aged out at 17 years of age.
When you're in a situation like that, carrying a black garbage bag with your worldly possessions in it, you have only two options. Eat or starve. And I chose to eat. That's how I ended up going from hot girl directing folks into the fireworks store, to lingerie model to starring in adult films.
You have to have high self esteem to do what I did. Because you will be labeled as that for the rest of your life; a celebrity, but a blackballed outcast of a celebrity, always on the outside of what is considered as real entertainment.
Although my moments of being recognized seem few and far between, there's still that possibility of being a very, very old woman and some 18 year old is watching something you did as a young adult through the privacy of their computer screen or DVD player.
Even though I made a handful of movies, certain scenes are recycled on newer compilations over and over again -- and I'm not compensated when they are ... I'm just saying.
It doesn't matter that I did it partly to have money to go to school or to live in general. So I have to be comfortable with the fact that those images live forever in the cyber world. And I have to be comfortable with the people that I hang out with, that they'll find out and still love me for me. Because in someone's eyes ... lots of someone(s) in fact ... I'll always be that girl who used to f**k on camera for money.
The flip side was, after I retired from the industry and graduated from college with a Masters in Divinity, I became a minister. And I just started going around to different churches to visit, trying to find the perfect fit. But it took a while to find a temple where I felt the same feeling that I felt from watching television preachers like FRED C. PRICE and DR. ROBERT SCHULLER ... I was pretty sure that I'd found it at this particular church. Just big enough that I could get lost in the crowd. And if someone did recognize me from my past, they'd be too scared to say anything aloud.
Infatuated With A Church Girl
I'm that dude that said, when I grow up, I'm not going to church. Because I went so much as a kid. Not so much due to my mom, but because of my my step mom, Kimberly and my father the ex criminal, Lamont Stokes. But here I was, drawn to a church that I saw a snippet of a televised broadcast. My curiosity getting the better of me. And that's when I saw her ... Ooo I saw her ... She walked in through the out door ...
About 38 years old.
The smoothest looking skin. Coloring that told me right away that she had mixed ancestry. Later I'd find out that her parents were from Honduras.
She was holding the hand of a six year old girl, having to leave service to take her to the washroom in the middle of the sermon. And I couldn't take my eyes off of the mother. Something that she was aware of. I saw her cut her eyes over at me as she passed by my row of seats. The question was, should I wait around after the closing prayer and try to rap to her. What were the rules to "macking" to a sister at church? Wasn't quite sure about church etiquette in that regard.
The pastor prayed for the whole congregation and dismissed them. But those who wanted to come up to the front of the stage for a special prayer that included laying on of hands and anointing with blessed oil, could do so.
Although Shayna didn't move towards the front, she did linger at her seat, stretching her hands and praying for the others as well. And I couldn't help being attracted to that. Again, my mom wouldn't do anything like that, but it reminded me of my step mom. A ex Christian radio personality who saved her virginity until marriage, she was always praying for folks. So because I loved and admired her so much, I couldn't help being drawn to a woman who did the same.
This particular church was a mega church. Meaning that it was big enough to have a second and third auditorium for teen and children's church. It also was big enough to have a bookstore and cafe. Which is where me, Shayna and her little girl ended up after the service.
While little Levitica (I didn't name the kid and didn't ask any questions about the origin) nibbled on a blueberry muffin and sipped a pineapple smoothie, I did my best to expand on my "elevator pitch" and turn this chance meeting into something stronger. Perhaps, something that would last.
Not that I had a good track record with the ladies ... I mean, I could get them, but I tended not to hold on to them. Something that I may have been ready to change, the more I talked to Shayna.
"So how long have you and Levitica been attending this church?"
"Oh, just a few months. We drove by one night and saw the illuminated Last Supper recreation in the high window and I was curious. Then when Christmas drew near, I read on the marquee that they were doing a Christmas Eve service and on lark, I just took a chance. Little did I know that the pastor's family would be reading the Christmas story and there would be live horses and sheep and llamas and a real baby in the manger ... Ridiculous! And I loved it."
I was shocked. "They did all of that? Where was I? I had no idea they were doing all of that up in here."
"I kid you not. They even had elders and deacons following behind to scoop of the 'dookey' with shovels."
"Ewww," Levitica exclaimed.
I burst into laughter, followed by Shayna.
"I agree 'Vitica. That is kind of nasty."
Letvitica cut her eyes over at me and then smiled a snaggle-toothed smile. I gathered that she liked the nickname that I gave her on the spur of the moment.
"And let me tell you," Shayna added. "It didn't smell all that great either."
"I can only imagine."
"No you can't. You truly had to be there."
As she talked, I knew that I wanted to be anywhere and everywhere that she was from henceforth, now and forever.
© 2022 LaZeric Freeman