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When I Have the Right Words


I had a dream last night. And you were holding my hand, you were scared but I was more scared. I could feel your hands shake I could almost smell the fear within you, your heart beating as if you'd just finished running a marathon.
And your grip got tighter . Somehow I was able to find my calm. I don't know why, but I felt like I was never gonna regret anything should we not make it out . I had everything I needed, well everything I ever wanted, I had you by my side..
I looked at you and felt lucky. Still beautiful as ever even when you freaking out .
And then you found your calm after a while.I felt the heat of your breath as you sighed in relief. Your heart still beating, but finding it's breath this time.
" Are you okay? " you asked.
I couldn't answer.
Then you ran your hands all over my face trying to find out if I had been hurt or something... The look on your face was sweeter than a little kid starring at its mom ....
And I was about to pour out my heart and tell you that I love you... But some noise woke me up....
And so amma say it right now because the dream actually got to me in a way..

I honestly don't dream about nobody else but you of late . I know have said I love you a million times already but to be honest it's a feeling more than just love.. It's more like an obsession but indescribable... I could be with you and when I close my eyes still think about you while you just in front of me . I actually don't mind spending the whole day with you.
Sometimes I have to read your messages over and over again when I miss you. Other times I'll just close my eyes and feel your hand on my heart. Other times I just close my eyes and I can picture you smile ..
But my best times is when you talking, even if I dont hear everything you say.
Love is too weak a word. I honestly don't understand how people have the same understanding of it. All am saying really is that I really really like you, I'll do almost anything to make you happy, I want to have you in my life till I die, I want to be reason you smile everyday... I want to be the many things you want, I want to be the person you never grow tired of seeing....
I wanna to be yours forever.
I wanna dream about you and wake up next to you.
. Deep down I just wish it was just us and nobody or nothing else.
If I say I love, you'll get a different message from what I want to real make you understand..

I really wanna say what am feeling but I can't really find the words . I probably never will and so am have to just say I love you because there's no words.. Am hoping that it may all make sense someday when we together...
... Someday when I can find the right words and not just " I love you ".

© 2019 Amani Utembu

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