Jean teaches astrology, tarot & metaphysics. She is an author, ordained nondenominational minister, & member of the NJ Metaphysical Ctr.
Should Friends Become Lovers?
Venus in Virgo is a Tough Placement
Venus in Virgo is one of the more difficult Venus placements. These are very serious people, witty and intelligent, and they love to be around others in social situations. Venus in Virgo people can be very humorous, and dazzle others with their knowledge of almost every subject. But often they have experienced disappointments in love, and you know the expression, “Once bitten, twice shy.” Plus Virgo is symbolized by the Virgin, and Virgos are very fastidious, so the whole idea of sex is somewhat frightening and “icky” to them. Now there are ways around that, amorous activities in the shower are fun, and so what if you have to change the bed sheets a lot? Cleanliness and prudence about health issues should never be thrown out the window in order to have a good sex life.
Virgos Can be Obsessive
But people with Venus in Virgo can be a tad obsessive/compulsive, so this adds complexity to the issue. This does not mean they cannot go on to have a happy love relationship, marriage, or sex life, but many Virgo people do choose to be single, or to live alone. The original meaning of virgin was not a person who never experienced sex, but used to describe a person complete in their own skin, independent, and able to live a happy life without a full time partner. It was a person who enjoyed their privacy and time to themselves, and although sociable, did not wish to be half of a couple.
Venus in Virgo Friends
Vance and Valencia met each other on the first day of middle school, and have been best friends ever since. They shared many of the same classes in High School, so often studied and wrote papers together, or were partners on science projects and presentations. They understood each other’s humor, and talked on the phone for hours. Sometimes they even wrote poems to each other, and they discussed their deepest fears and plans for their futures. Their friends thought of them as a romantic couple, but nobody knew that they always drew the line at friends,
These two never kissed (except for on the cheek) and never slept together. They did hold hands and it was not unusual to see them walking arm in arm. But the kind of friendship they shared was a very special one. Vance slept over Valencia’s house for a few nights when her brother died, and Valencia did all she could to comfort Vance when his parents divorced during his college years. Virgo is the sign of hard work, and having a Venus in Virgo friend means you have someone who will stand by you when you feel like your life is falling apart, and they have the patience to listen to you when you are upset. They also have practical advice to offer on how you can “pull yourself together”, and can tell you that without sounding harsh or mean.
Venus Virgos Quiet Natures and Deep Sympathies
Venus in Virgo people have quiet natures, but are capable of very deep sympathies, even if they do not always express them aloud, they always try to do kind things for others. Early on in college, Valencia became more religious, and considered becoming a minister. Virgo is a sign of service, and Valencia started attending a Methodist church, deciding this was the path she wanted to take in life. She liked to analyze both people and problems, and considered the psychotherapy direction, but finally felt that the Church was her calling. It only took her a short time to find a Pastor's job after she finished Divinity School, depending on how it worked out after six months. Her warmth, impeccable manners and attention to details helped her to get to know the people in her congregation really quickly, and Valencia was accepted and well liked. Valencia spent the summer working with a group from Habitat for Humanity, helping to build houses for the poor people still suffering the effects of Hurricane Katrina, even all these years later.
Her family was a little shocked by Valencia’s decision, but decided to support her. Although she loved them, her family life was always a little strained; there was not a large flow of emotion or affection obvious between them, especially after the untimely death of her brother. A loss of a young person takes a huge toll on a family, and her parents were happy to learn that in the Methodist religion, it would be possible for Valencia to marry and have children if she wanted to, even as a Pastor. Valencia loved building during that summer, as Virgo is an Earth sign and they love to do things which require structure and order.
Virgo Couples Communicate Often Throughout the Day
In the meantime, Vance decided he wanted to become an architect, because Venus in Virgo is an excellent position for drawing up plans and building them in reality. Valencia and Vance kept in touch by email and texting, and the next summer he joined her in New Orleans to help with the house building through Habitat for Humanity. Vance was even able to add a few helpful adjustments to some of the building blueprints. He enjoyed the feeling of community, and felt good that his work made a difference. Seeing a house built partly with his own hands, and getting to know the family who moved into it proved to be very gratifying for Vance. He was able to stay in the dorm of the Church that Valencia was a member of (in the men’s quarters, of course). Vance dated other women while in college, but none of them measured up to Valencia, so the situation between them was starting to be more complicated for him. But Valencia was just happy to have her dear friend join her to work together for the summer.
Vance managed to find an architect’s internship in New Orleans the next summer, a great resume builder, a chance to help poor families, but most importantly, to spend time with Valencia. Vance also got involved in some environmental work, planting trees and retaining walls to protect the new homes from flooding in as many little ways as possible. The company was impressed with him, and offered him a position after he finished college, should he wish to relocate to LA.
Should Good Friends Become Lovers?
Valencia was moving up the ranks fast, because not too many pastors in training wanted to work in this poor area, and she gave her first sermon on a beautiful Easter morning. Vance was so proud of her, and amazed at how the parishioners seemed to adore and respect her. Many of them went to Valencia after the sermon, to express their thanks for her great talk, and just to socialize too. Many of them gave her cookies or cakes that they baked themselves. They noticed Vance tagging along, but were not sure what the situation was between their Assistant Pastor and the nice young man who visited her. Finally it came to a point where Vance had to talk with Valencia about the situation himself, because he began to realize he was in love with her.
Valencia was taken aback when Vance admitted his feelings for her had gone beyond the friendship they always so easily shared. Both of them had only been spending time together in the summers, since they were finishing college, saving money, and beginning to build towards their futures. Now that college was finished, they needed to plan where they were going to live. Or at least Vance did. Valencia already decided she was needed in the parish in New Orleans, loved the culture and people, and was offered the job as their Pastor in the quaint, little Church that had been spared in the hurricane. With that she would be able to live in the rectory attached to the Church, but this would be a 24/7 job. If a battered woman called for help, a man was in a serious accident and the family needed counseling, or a pregnant woman was in labor and needed a ride to the hospital, Valencia would be someone they would call for help. Valencia was unsure if Vance would be able to live that kind of a life, because he would automatically be very involved in the community, and be her “right hand man” if their relationship changed that much.
New Construction for Vance
Vance would have time for his architectural work, and hopefully become a partner in his own firm one day. But his home life with Valencia would certainly not be a quiet one, with her writing sermons, spending time at Bible study groups, and spending much of her day at Church on Sundays. She would not have a great deal of time for any social life. Venus in Virgo people do not mind that, they wish to be of service to others. But would that be fair to Vance? And she did love him, but as a friend. Or was that entirely true? Once she thought about it, there never was another man that ever interested Valencia besides Vance.
Valencia was so afraid that she and Vance would lose the beautiful friendship they had built up over the years, if they crossed the line and became lovers. She would never want to lose him. What if they embarked on a romantic affair, and they had problems getting along? Then they could never go back to being friends as they had for so long. This became a serious dilemma for them both. Valencia asked Vance to wait a few months so she could think about it, and because he loved her so much, he said yes.
Wise Words from Lao Tzu
Should We Always Take a Chance on Love?
But this is a big problem for two people with Venus in Virgo: to understand and feel romantic love, you do not analyze and study it, either it is there or it is not. Virgos want to solve all their issues with critical thinking, but who thinks critically about love? Vance and Valencia do, so now they will both study their feelings and make lists of pros and cons about whether they should change from friends to lovers.
If they do go ahead, will everything be perfect? Probably not. Every relationship has its special issues. Valencia is used to being on her own now, and may decide she does not want to give up the little bit of privacy she does have. But she loves Vance as a friend, and at the core of any strong love relationship, lies a strong friendship. What will they decide to do? Whatever it is, it will be practical and sensible, and besides, something special kept them together all those summers when they could have been seeing other people. Vance has taken a chance now, but has to prepare himself for the fact that Valencia may not feel romantic love for him. There are all kinds of love, and some people never experience such a great friendship. Valencia has to take a hard look at herself and really dig deep to understand her feelings for Vance. Will she be willing to take the leap of faith?
© 2014 Jean Bakula