TaJuan is an aspiring writer hoping to gain experience and growth through publishing passionate works, like this one, online for the world.
Did you do it?
is what you text your friend,
did you have sex with that guy,
is what you text your ex. Auto-correct saved you because your
watery eyes could barely see the keyboard. You already knew
the answer to your question, but you needed confirmation. You needed
their words to seal your fate, to decide your future. You decided to stay friends because
that’s what they wanted, and you play the role very well. However,
you know you're hurting every time you hear their voice, a voice that once was a sound that filled your heart with infinite joy, but now is a sound that brings mini needles to your heart and stabs it relentlessly. Nonetheless, you have suffered before, so what’s more pain? It was all fine until you saw her all cuddled up with a stranger after only a few weeks after the breakup. Your eyes immediately started swimming and your mind melted into goo. Now, you’re driving around like the speed limit is a suggestion. Your friend is on the line begging, pleading for you to go home, stay sober, and to not relapse into your old ways. They want to see you flourish as a person. They want to see you walk
straight without the crutches you’ve been carrying for months. They want to see you
care for yourself like you care for others, but you tell them if they had your
eyes, your shoes, they would be an addict too. You inform them that if they lived your
life, they would hate themselves too. Your friend doesn’t want to hear it because they
know you’re good. They know your mind is polluted with poison and that’s why you
need to be detoxed. They aren’t worth ruining your life over, they say with a cracked
voice because tears aren’t solely reserved for you. You begin to slow down because you don’t want to make your friend cry. You’re torn to shreds because you want to feel anything but this, and you know the drugs can release you from the struggles, but you don’t want to spread anymore pain.
What should I do?
you ask your friend.
Go to bed,
if you can overcome today, you can overcome anything. I believe in you.
You ponder this in silence for a minute. You digest this for so long that you forget your friend is there until they say,
Promise me you’ll stay sober.
You say you’ll try, but they say that’s not good enough.
You say you’ll give it your all, but they say they need more than that.
what do you want from me?
and they say,
I want you to promise me you’ll stay sober.
you finally say. You hang up the phone and return to your home.
You walk into your room once filled with love.
You walk into a cemetery filled with dead memories.
You remember how beautiful those times were.
You remember how beautiful you were
then. Darkness takes over the room and you finally resolve to
follow your friend’s advice. You hold your bed tight and begin to fade
until the sound of a text interrupts your peace. With
hesitation, you slowly raise the phone to your face.
A single tear drops to the ground, and you begin to drown.
What did you feel when you read the message? Was it
dread? Frustration? Numbness? Or was it simply an
emotion beyond words, beyond comprehension? Does it even matter?
Maybe not? What does matter is what you decided to do next. You leave your
bed and take in the silence, the nothing.
The room is silent until it is broken by a repeating clicking sound.
The room is dark until it is shattered by a small, dim