Two Houses of Thought
“I’m a coward, I admit. All I could do was run. I heard your pleas, your eyes screaming in pain, the last few breaths you’re ever going to take. I was supposed to be there with you too. If I came out just a few minutes earlier or entered a few minutes later, my hands would be yours to hold as we disappear into the abyss. But it wasn’t the case. You were trapped, and I ran. Like I had a flight to catch, like I had a place to go, like you didn’t matter as much as me. I took off as far as my trembling legs could take me.
I don’t deserve to be sitting here sipping water. I don’t deserve to be here waiting for the train. I don’t deserve to be here, escaped within an inch of my life while you are begging for yours. Life is just unfair like this, I supposed.
It shouldn’t be us, but if it once again came down to me or you, I would still run.”
“I once fought the world with you.
Carried your burdens on my shoulder.
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In your eyes, all I saw were myself and the secrets you kept hidden within your walls.
Never would I think that one day I will be alone again.
If I stepped into the abyss, will I see you once more?
But if I knew what our ending was going to be, I would rather forget everything.
Every glance, every touch, every longing.
Their existence is beautiful, but not enough to keep me in pain.
How I wish I could wipe the slate clean before our first hellos.
Maybe then I wouldn’t still be trying to hold on to your hands, trying to keep you here with me when I know better than anybody.
You weren’t coming back.”
© 2022 Alison Lian
