She held his hand. It felt soft. Warm. His thumbs were gently caressing her knuckles, and he pulled her hand over to his side ever so subtly. It’s a cute scene, right? Wrong.
If only it were like this a year ago, then things would’ve been different now. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, she could’ve been enjoying his touch. Lying in bed, cuddling under the covers and laughing at the television, watching whatever’s funny. They could’ve been together, but they aren’t. And the worst part? He doesn’t know that this was how she felt. That she feels horrible for holding his hand. That she is thinking of how to get her hand out of his. That she is dreading the moment where she will inevitably break his heart.
Their timing was never the best, and this proves it. A year ago, she would’ve given everything up for him, but he wasn’t looking at her then, it was someone else. Instead of her holding hand, he was holding someone else’s. She watched as they flirted, laughed, having fun together. She watched as his eyes followed her, as his fingers lingered on her skin, as his smile grew bigger every time she was around. Her heart was heavy for the entire year, and just as she got over him, his eyes now followed her.
For a fleeting moment, a picture of what they could be flashed across her mind. They could become one of those annoying couples that are always around one another, that goes around flaunting their adoration, making everyone tired of them. But it’s too late, she changed, and her heart is heavy yet again. Why is it in both scenarios, she is never happy? She is tired of feeling this way, so maybe it’s time she spared herself.
She faked a yawn, said goodnight and left. She closed the door behind her, and that was the end of their story.
They are not each other’s, and hopefully, when he realises it he won’t be in pain like she is right now. She’s thankful for him. He allowed her to realise that she is capable of having such intense feelings for someone else, and having feelings may not be as scary as she thought. The past year was a whirlwind, but she does not regret it, and now the chapter’s closed. They both deserve to hold someone hands without feeling uncomfortable. It’s time.
© 2021 Alison Lian