The Feeling of Panic
Everything is fine.
Everything is normal.
And yet, your body is tense, your mind is racing and it seems like the walls might just be closing in.
There is no reason for the fear to be boiling up to the surface and yet you can feel it building in your soul.
There's no understanding why this panic is there when people around you are enjoying their time, laughing and joking.
It makes it so hard to enjoy life, to leave the safe haven of your home when that little voice in your head is whispering failure and panic in your ear.
It gets so bad you make yourself sick. As you run to the bathroom you are in panic mode thinking what if there's a line, what if I get sick before I make it there.
All of these thoughts are sure to make it worse and here you are egging it on with your doubt.
You know if you could just calm down your stomach issues would settle and you could go on and enjoy your night.
But here you are hiding in the bathroom sick as a dog because your brain has turned against you.
When it finally starts to settle, you think you will be able to move on and enjoy the rest of your night.
There are times when this is true and then other times where you just have to call it a day and crawl back into your safe zone at home.
This is the worst thing possible because when this happens you beat your self up over it. You have let yourself down. Along with who ever else was with you. It's just one bit disappointment. Which is where all of this panic comes from to begin with.