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The Valentine’s Day Ad

The Situation

It is a conference room with high quality furnishings and state of the art electronics. Anthony Piccio, the CEO of an advertising company and two of his employees, Kathy Maguire and Murray Stein listen to the owner of COGET. Kathy is in her mid-30s, attractive and is wearing an expensive business suit. She has diamond stud ears and has a diamond ring on her right hand. Murray is in his late 20s. He is thin with unremarkable looks. He has glasses and is wearing a standard pinstriped suit. The owner of COGET explains his company’s situation.

The ad campaign for our jewelry last year was a flop. We paid top dollar for a supermodel to be in our ads and our sales were dismal. For our Christmas ads we doubled down we had a supermodel and the top male model. The rest of our merchandise did a respectable business but our jewelry sales were terrible. If our jewelry doesn’t have a good showing for Valentine’s day we’ll have to think about getting out of the jewelry business.

Kathy waits a moment then breaks the silence.

“What would you want the customers to know about your jewelry line?”

“The same I want them to know about everything else our chain sells. I want them to know we sell high quality products at economical prices.”

The Discussion

Kathy and Murray are back at their office. They are in a small conference room. They have some product samples on the table. Kathy chuckles.

“He’s got to be kidding. High quality? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing these.”

“You’re saying they’re not worth the price?”

“Sure, they’re worth the price but hamburger meat at a discount price is still hamburger meat.”

Murray picks up a pair of diamond stud earrings.

“How much would this cost in a jewelry store?”

Kathy examines the earrings.

“200.”

“They sell it for $99.”

“We can’t just talk price when selling jewelry. This is a Valentine’s Day ad. Women want to be romanced.”

“Men are doing the buying. Take that ad they ran last year.”

“The one with Bianca?


“To be technical it’s the one with Martha Hoffmann, that’s her real name. She is from Michigan. She made $9 million last year and she acts as if she’d be happy with $200 worth of jewelry. If we run the numbers with what the typical woman who’s a COGET customer gets the woman who’s a customer should be happy with a candy bar.”

“You’re saying we should gear the commercial to men who take home less than 50,000 a year?”

“You got it, the commercial should be geared to men who would rather spend less.”

“This is risky.”

“If we don’t take a risk we’ll lose the account anyway.”

“We’ll make a standard romance commercial and one with your approach. That way if we lose the account we won’t lose our jobs.”

The Commercial

Anthony Piccio is having a Super Bowl party at his home. Kathy and Murray are at the party along with a few other co-workers and significant others.

Anthony talks to a couple of his guests.

“This is very important for COGET since they want to expand their market.”

Murray talks to a woman.

“We got someone from the B list so it cost next to nothing to make.”

Kathy talks to a couple.

“We even did some product placement to defray the cost of the Super Bowl slot.”

The announcer says, “The kickoff is up next.”

Kathy shouts, “We’re coming on!”

Everyone gathers around the television screen.

A wall calendar in the background shows February. A man wearing a football jersey is sitting in an armchair. Pretzels, potato chips, and beer are on the coffee table in front of the man. A small table next to the armchair has a small flower bouquet and a heart shaped candy box. The man points to the audience.

You know what’s coming up? Right, the Super Bowl. You know what else is coming up? Valentine’s Day, BEEP Valentine’s Day. You’re just getting your BEEP out of hock from Christmas and now you’ve got to buy a gift for BEEP Valentine’s Day. What does she BEEP want? Flowers, chocolates? No BEEP way. Diamonds, BEEP diamonds. You know what you got to BEEP do? Get them at COGET. You can get this BEEP at half the price that you’d BEEP pay at those fancy BEEP stores. It’s the same BEEP. The BEEP best part is you don’t have to leave your BEEP chair. You see this BEEP writing down here? You can order BEEP online. You BEEP order online and you’ll also get a BEEP uncensored video of my BEEP stand up routines. That includes this BEEP commercial that includes all the BEEP words those pain in the BEEP censors BEEP beeped out.

THE END

© 2018 Robert Sacchi

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