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What Turtles Think About All Day Long

Updated on February 4, 2017
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.

May I introduce my pal, the water turtle
May I introduce my pal, the water turtle | Source

I promised fellow (and very talented) hubbers, alwaysexploring and Dreamer Meg that I would present a piece that deals with the mysterious lives of turtles. I am following though with this article for I finished a two-part look at "What Snakes Think About" series of articles, and now I want to focus on our friends, one species of "Eco-Champions" that we all take for granted. Shame on us.

This will not be a long article. This will not be a complex article. I urge you to take time to read this in your "quiet time" to your youngster and when that day comes when they stand before their graduating class at Yale or Harvard with a degree in business administration, your son or daughter will say, "I am so thankful that my dad took the time, when I was a little girl, to sit me on his knee and read this exciting and educational piece about turtles on a website, HubPages written by a pretty much unknown writer, Kenneth Avery. Thank you, dad. It was "those" moments when you taught me about turtles that helped me through the tough times and will carry me on through the challenges in my pursuit of being a CEO of a big business one day."
You, dad, will shed many tears. I promise. Your son or daughter WILL be the ONLY one in their class with comments about turtles.

Now for your educational (and possible entertainment) purposes, I proudly present:

What Turtles Think About All Day Long

  • "Harold, would you please hurry! This is not that fantasy you love about a turtle walking slow and beating a smarty alec rabbit in a race."
  • "Hey, keep your snout shut. What I do in my shell is my own business."
  • "That Charlotte thinks she is sooooo hot just because she's been in every male turtle's shell in this section of the pond."
  • "That's it, Marge. Stick your head back in your shell when I start telling the truth about your bum brother, who lost his shell in a poker game on the Bayou last night."
  • "No, loser teenage turtles, you most certainly cannot carve you and your girlfriend's names in my shell."

Page 45 Internet Archive Book Images
Page 45 Internet Archive Book Images | Source
  • "Everybody back under the rock. Here comes that guy from that restaurant that puts "us" in soups."
  • "Somebody snag that stupid worm on that hook. Can that human possibly be anymore annoying?"
  • "Guys, please give me some alone time on my rock while the sun is shining."
  • "Okay, but last week when I was sunning myself, that stupid Gary, the garter snake kept crawling up and trying to get me to let him hide from his wife in my shell, so watch yourself."
  • "Oh my God! National Geographic cameramen coming!"

Internet Archive Book Images Page 67 Guide Leather
Internet Archive Book Images Page 67 Guide Leather | Source
  • "Let's play a game. Let's see who can dive to the bottom of this lake and hold their breath the longest."
  • "I'm starved. Got any flies on ya?"
  • "Carole, you have the most alluring hazel eyes."
  • "Lettuce?! Do I see lettuce--again? "Mr. Pet Store Owner," is lettuce all we get to eat?"
  • "Smile, that kid may ask his mom to take one of us home."
  • "Hey, take me! Take me! I don't eat much and I am tank broken."
  • "Bob, you are turning into a slob. All you do now is come home from catching mosquitoes, plop down on your rock in front of the clear side of the tank and you never talk to me much less shine your shell."

 Turtle swimming near bottom of cove
Turtle swimming near bottom of cove | Source
  • "Linda, what do you want from me? I provide you and the kids with plenty of orange slices and goodies. I don't chase other girl turtles, so what's your problem?"
  • "Good morning, students. I am 'Miss Terrapin, your kindergarten teacher. Now it's nap time--everyone back in your shell. No talking, please."
  • "What's that sound?" "Listen!" "Oh, that's Jim, he's singing in the shower again."
  • "Hey, Todd! Stop watching that Teenage Mutuant Nina Turtles! You have homework to do and besides, that film is fiction. Real turtles do not go dancing around with masks and fighting with creatures bigger than themselves."
  • "Alex, when you stand in the purple light at that end of our tank you look just like Michael Douglas of Wall Street."
  • "Next time that Paul, the Possum comes by and starts up with me, I am not going to run back into my shell and let me growl at me."
  • "Helen, do you ever clean this shell? I get home from digging up worms for us to eat and all you have done all day is nap or watch soap operas."
  • "Tim, I got a bet for you. I will bet you my shell against that slice of apple you are eating that Billy cannot outrun this molasses when it spills off of this table."

Note: Absolutely no turtles were injured in the production of this article.

Good night, Erie, Pennsylvania.

© 2016 Kenneth Avery

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    • kenneth avery profile image
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      Kenneth Avery 7 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dearest Sakina :)

      Thank you, Dearest Budette! I loved your comment.

      I hope that it made you laugh. That is my goal to make

      my cherished followers happy if only for a moment.

      Happy New Year and write anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 7 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      jonnycomelately,

      Good one. "Oh, for a house on wheels." Wish that

      I had used that one, but I didn't think of it.

      All I can say is, "Oh, for a working, safe, time machine."

      Happy New Year--write me anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 7 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, DreamerMeg,

      You know something? I have to agree with your comment.

      Nice touch.

      Happy New Year and write soon.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 7 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Genna East,

      Hello in Massachusetts. I hope 2017 is off to a good start for you.

      Thank you so much for your sweet comment. I appreciate it so very

      much.

      I wish you a Great New Year and before I go, if you are not already one

      of my cherished followers, I would love to invite you to follow me so we can share hub ideas and such.

      Thanks again.

      Kenneth

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 7 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Your title pulled me in right away. What a fun and creative hub. Thank you, and Happy New Year. :-)

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 7 months ago from Tasmania

      I suspect they think: "Oh for a house on wheels!"

    • SakinaNasir53 profile image

      Sakina Nasir 7 months ago from Kuwait

      Hahah! Hilarious. Just loved this hub! Great job buddy! :)

    • DreamerMeg profile image

      DreamerMeg 7 months ago from Northern Ireland

      Some very perspicacious comments there! Love the one that says, "Linda, what do you want from me ..." etc Seems that turtle males are very like their human counterparts! So surprising, who would have thought it? Funny.