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The Only Thing God Fears Is Me

I aspire to publish a Scifi/Fantasy novel series one day, perhaps a graphic novel series. Until then articles will suffice.

Won't be stopped.

Won't be stopped.

Born Cursed

It wasn't enough that God saw me born into this cruel world to a family that would teach me just how bleak everything really was, he had to send every demon he could against me in a pitiful, and futile effort to try stopping what was heading his way.

The beatings weren't so hard to bear. Every time a fist connected with my face, and my eardrums rang from the concussive force, I gained a bit more capacity and raised my threshold for pain. It was hardest knowing that it was the people who were supposed to love me doing this, the only place I was meant to be safe no matter what. Where I was meant to grow strong through love and nurturing, I grew through neglect and pain. Living through this curse, a curse that saw me buried in shame brought upon by the abuses of my family, wasn't enough for God to get his kicks.

No, God wasn't satisfied just to keep me from having a loving home. The poundings and foreign objects to the face, the strangulation, being locked in dark rooms unable to leave, this couldn't sate God's sadistic desires. Those I would come to foolishly call friends needed to be replaced by the same accursed demons who I was forced to call family.

Friends Are Foes

Numb to the world and made gullible by the reclusive demons within my home, I would set out to school and be greeted by harsh awakenings. I was fat and weak-minded; my friends told me so, as did the teachers who were meant to impart knowledge and wisdom to me. These demons weren't just at home, and just when I thought I had escaped them I would come to find that they followed me. It didn't matter where I went, this school or that school, this sports team or that one, the demons were there just as God intended.

Each and every day I stood against these demons, and the demons fought back with greater fervor powered by the backing of God himself. I was beginning to taste the fear building inside God's heart. God didn't want me making it very far in life, but my strength was only increasing and I liked the taste of my own blood now. Now that I had friends to beat me up when I wasn't home, punching me in the back of the head as hard as they could and throwing me to the ground to kick me, I could really set myself in the ways of loneliness. This loneliness was going to prepare me for the battles that awaited me as I grew older.

Older and Ever-Stronger

As my age increased so did my muscle density, and my will to push through all the trials and tribulations that God spitefully threw in my way in his effort to put off the inevitable. The demons couldn't touch me anymore, not physically, but where loneliness had prepared me for the hatred in the world it had not taught me that God wasn't just torturing me. God set his demon dogs on any individual who wouldn't dare to take part in the cruelty. I knew God had played games with humans like this in the past, letting the Devil take the wheel to test faith, but just as ballads hide ugly truths so do the tales. God and the Devil are one in the same, the only difference being that one mind inhabits two bodies for the sake of appearing whatever benefits his desire at the time.

When this struck me as true, that God and the Devil were in fact one entity, I looked to the sky as if to stare him directly in the face and told him, "I'm coming for you, coward."

This must've shook him to his core because his last ditch effort was to poison the new family I built, the family I felt the dire need to hide from his impotent wrath. Striking me where he knew it hurt most, I first lost the use of my right leg. God had taken out my spine in order to ensure that my spirit would begin to break, and for a second there I thought it was going to. Not being able to pick up my son, people trying to take him away from me because I became disabled, and having to fight the unrelenting waves of demon spawn God sent after me nearly broke my spirit to pieces.

Once again I looked to the sky, this time with deeper confidence and a rumbling hatred I yelled to the heavens, "Is this all you can muster, you fool?"

Taking my body away wasn't enough, he had already been so ignorant as to train my mind to resist any physical pain. So I trained to overcome this negligible, weak little attack God had committed against me. I'll give him this though, it took me a while and the pain is ever-present like an itch I can't scratch, but it still could not put off the inevitable.

I'd go on to live for years, slapping every demon down into the muck where they belonged, laughing off every attempt God made to subjugate me. My son would hold my hand as I died, neither of us were sad because we both knew where I was heading and that I would not be defeated. My last words to him were, "I love you, I'll see you when you get there."

Keep walking.

Keep walking.

A Stroll Through Hell

We all saw it coming, as I said this was all inevitable, God wasn't going to let me into heaven but I wasn't about to settle down into the lakes of fire and accept my eternal fate. I didn't suffer through God's wrath as a living being, all the while spitting on his cowardice, only to let a little flesh-melting magma stop me as it would him. No, I was going to swim as hard as I could until I reached the end of this eternal pit of flaming sulfur. With every stroke I could feel my flesh melting away, to no end my flesh peeled and replaced itself then shed once more.

It wasn't enough to stop me, though I did have some trouble getting past the seemingly endless sea of others too weak to stop me from using their screaming faces as a tool to propel me forward. After what seemed like an eternity I reached the end of this swim, the pain was excruciating and the screams of suffering deafening, all of it served to make me stronger and seated my hatred for God deeper. It looked like a long walk ahead of me but I could see the outline of a massive throne in the distance lit up by the fires raging behind it, seated atop was a piercing pair of red glowing eyes. I could feel the intent to kill coming from those eyes as they watched me sprint over the jagged rocks that sliced my feet like broken glass with every step. The pain that once sought to break me was now invigorating, I could feel my body changing into the weapon that would defeat God.

My sprint came to a walk, more like a strut of confidence, as I forced my body to morph. First my leg bones pierced my thighs, and spread down like thick vines to cover them like armor. Then my ribs burst outward from my chest to the sides, exposing my innards, and took the shape of wings that blew the ashes from the ground as I walked. Blood exploded forth from my shoulders, dripping down my arms to my fingers where it hardened into razor sharp claws. Over my head appeared a glowing halo that swallowed the light of the flames of hell itself, and in its glory could only be matched by the hatred I was about to unleash. Having watched this the Devil began to laugh.

"Do you think you can defeat me?" he scoffed deeply, and I could feel the gale-force wind against my face like a nuclear blast, "I am your God!"

With one flap of my wings I closed the distance between us instantly and had my claws gripped firmly around his throat, I could hear his blood dripping to the floor.

"Let's go meet your better half," I jokingly whispered in his ear before tearing his head off and flying toward heaven at neck-breaking speed.

Paradise Lost

My exit from hell was swift, and my smashing through the pearly gates of heaven even swifter. Paradise truly was as pretentious as it sounded, nothing but streets of gold for as far as the eye could see. Worshipers and their misplaced songs of praise filled the streets. Even my explosive entrance was not enough to take their attention off of the big man himself. Atop a mountain made of clouds, and a throne made of light, I saw him, the disgusting wretch who sees fit to torture those whom he claims to love, all the while calling himself The God.

"I've come for you, coward," I said with contempt in my voice, "Your destiny is lying dead beneath my feet."

Walking slowly up through the streets to his over-compensating mountain made of clouds, I let the fires of hell flow forth from my halo, setting all of paradise ablaze. I was close enough that I could feel his light burning me now, a light tinged with his cowardice. The burn only made me want to get closer. I tossed the Devil's head at his feet with a smile.

Archangels Michael and Gabriel stood by his side and said musically in unison, "God does not fear you."

"The only thing God fears is me," and with my words followed a cloud made of darkness and spite that enveloped the archangels and God, along with his silly little throne of light. God was no more, and paradise was lost setting free the minds of the souls he saw fit to make worship him eternally. My body was back to its frail state as well. We all seemed a bit lost.

True healing began.

True healing began.

Without God, Still With Pain

A little girl whom God had forced to kneel at the base of the mountain was the first to speak after my elimination of him. She rubbed her eyes, and held her head as she stood to her feet. Looking up at me as I stood atop the mountain broken, bloody, and bruised, she said in a soft and frail voice, "Thank you for saving us, but what about heaven?"

It was at this point that I noticed the destruction I had caused, the fires of hell still raging through the golden streets of what was once called paradise. I had no power to fight left in me, no power to put out these fires, and we were all going to burn for eternity. Before succumbing to this fate I had one last epiphany that had me shedding tears of self-pity, "I lowered myself to the level of God, and so the cycle continues...."


Comments

Kyler J Falk (author) from Corona, CA on February 23, 2020:

I'm glad this gave off the emotions I intended it to, and though the point escaped you entirely I'm happy you read it and gave your input. May this God you speak of rear his head some time soon, but I've waited twenty-six years so far and I don't think I'll start holding my breath now.

May your God continue to bring you this healing you speak of, because your God is not mine in the slightest. Pardon my honesty if it brings any offense, I mean nothing by it.

Lisa Tippette from North Carolina on February 23, 2020:

A painful and disturbing hub. But if putting your pain into words releases you from it, then keep writing. I just hope one day you come to know the TRUE GOD - the one who truly loves you, and can take away your pain. Looking forward to hearing more from you.... Prayers that in time, God will heal your pain.