The Me I Seek to Avoid

Updated on April 13, 2017
AudreyHowitt profile image

Audrey is a poet, classical singer and voice teacher, recovering attorney and licensed psychotherapist.

by Artist Panther
by Artist Panther | Source

My #13 for National Poetry Month

the despair that grows in me

does so quietly

buckling down,

nailing in nails,

wrapped in a kind of permanence

that I hate to think about.

it is seldom seen,


to send up shoots

in the panicked dreams

of my 3 a.m. self,

that self

whose subconscious seems

best resigned to such things.

it rises,


etched in the glass of windows

which only seek the night.

i lay my cheek against its coolness

and wonder, whether

it is the peace that i seek.

it is only a moment.

© 2017 Audrey Howitt


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    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 11 months ago from California

      Thank you Ksnja and Lori--I appreciate your kind words!

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 12 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      Loved this.

    • JohnPLyons profile image

      John Lyons 12 months ago from UK & USA

      Good words, if a little sad.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 12 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Oh, Audrey..this is perfect! I am behind in commenting, and just getting caught up with various hubs and hubbers. April is poetry month; how blessed we are to read and experience your singular, beautiful artistry. Thank you! Happy Easter. :-)

    • Missy Smith profile image

      Missy Smith 12 months ago from Florida

      I think many of us relate to these words. A constant longing for some kind of personal identity and freedom, but we don't know exactly how to seek it. Wonderful poem, Audrey!

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 12 months ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is a very effective description of despair, Audrey.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 12 months ago from The Caribbean

      I can relate to "a kind of permanence that I hate to think about." Your expressions are so meaningful.

    • Blond Logic profile image

      Mary Wickison 12 months ago from Brazil

      Although many of us can relate to this feeling, you have put it more beautifully.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 12 months ago from Olympia, WA

      You are a perfect example of the incredible talent floating around out there that hardly anyone will ever hear are a superb poet!

      Happy Easter my friend!

    • threekeys profile image

      Threekeys 12 months ago from Australia

      I, too, have awoken in the middle of the night-great imagery, Audrey!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 12 months ago from USA

      This is beautiful, truly inspired.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 12 months ago from london

      Vivid! Clever! Strong! Powerful! Continue ...

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 12 months ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Very, very good. It invokes that moment in the night when all is not well but we don't know why.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 12 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I like the way you go deep into the psyche and invariably come up with a poem that reaches the despair we all have at times...

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 12 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      Beautiful. We have much in common in your words here. Blessings.

    • KsenijaZ profile image

      Ksenija 12 months ago from Novo mesto, Slovenia


    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 12 months ago from California

      Thank you Mike--I am grateful to poetry--so very grateful to be able to articulate these thoughts and feelings in a way that sometimes resonates with others--

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 12 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Audrey - Your words flow like tear drops in this piece.