The Me I Seek to Avoid

Audrey is a poet, classical singer and voice teacher, recovering attorney and licensed psychotherapist.

My #13 for National Poetry Month

the despair that grows in me

does so quietly

buckling down,

nailing in nails,

wrapped in a kind of permanence

that I hate to think about.

it is seldom seen,

preferring

to send up shoots

in the panicked dreams

of my 3 a.m. self,

that self

whose subconscious seems

best resigned to such things.

it rises,

bilious,

etched in the glass of windows

which only seek the night.

i lay my cheek against its coolness

and wonder, whether

it is the peace that i seek.

it is only a moment.

© 2017 Audrey Howitt

Comments

Audrey Howitt (author) from California on May 17, 2017:

Thank you Ksnja and Lori--I appreciate your kind words!

Gypsy Rose Lee from Daytona Beach, Florida on April 18, 2017:

Loved this.

John Lyons from UK & USA on April 17, 2017:

Good words, if a little sad.

Genna East from Massachusetts, USA on April 15, 2017:

Oh, Audrey..this is perfect! I am behind in commenting, and just getting caught up with various hubs and hubbers. April is poetry month; how blessed we are to read and experience your singular, beautiful artistry. Thank you! Happy Easter. :-)

Missy Smith from Florida on April 15, 2017:

I think many of us relate to these words. A constant longing for some kind of personal identity and freedom, but we don't know exactly how to seek it. Wonderful poem, Audrey!

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on April 14, 2017:

This is a very effective description of despair, Audrey.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on April 14, 2017:

I can relate to "a kind of permanence that I hate to think about." Your expressions are so meaningful.

Mary Wickison from Brazil on April 14, 2017:

Although many of us can relate to this feeling, you have put it more beautifully.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on April 14, 2017:

You are a perfect example of the incredible talent floating around out there that hardly anyone will ever hear about....you are a superb poet!

Happy Easter my friend!

threekeys on April 14, 2017:

I, too, have awoken in the middle of the night-great imagery, Audrey!

FlourishAnyway from USA on April 13, 2017:

This is beautiful, truly inspired.

manatita44 from london on April 13, 2017:

Vivid! Clever! Strong! Powerful! Continue ...

WillStarr from Phoenix, Arizona on April 13, 2017:

Very, very good. It invokes that moment in the night when all is not well but we don't know why.

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on April 13, 2017:

I like the way you go deep into the psyche and invariably come up with a poem that reaches the despair we all have at times...

Lori Colbo from United States on April 13, 2017:

Beautiful. We have much in common in your words here. Blessings.

Ksenija from Novo mesto, Slovenia on April 13, 2017:

Wow!

Audrey Howitt (author) from California on April 13, 2017:

Thank you Mike--I am grateful to poetry--so very grateful to be able to articulate these thoughts and feelings in a way that sometimes resonates with others--

mckbirdbks from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on April 13, 2017:

Hi Audrey - Your words flow like tear drops in this piece.