The Man Who Could Not Say "M"

Updated on August 30, 2017
clivewilliams profile image

I have been writing poetry, fiction and short stories for many years and have completed a book of poems. I also enjoy comedy writing.

Mr. Principles
Mr. Principles

Mr. Principles lived in a pink house along the prairie

He owned hundreds of cows which made him dairy

He loved the letter P but could not pronounce the letter M

So he replaced M with a P instead

When he spoke to folks it was like a puzzle coming from his lips

As when he saw the beautiful ladies, instead of hello Miss, he said hello Piss

Many women became upset and told their husbands of the ordeal

Of how Mr. Principles referred to them as Piss and how bad they feel

The husbands marched down to the home of the accuser and saw a big P at the gate

"This man is insane!" they shouted. He surely deserves his fate.

"Come out Mr. Principles, come out and clear your name."

Then his P shaped door opened silently and then he said it again.

Good day gentle'p'en, Is there so'p'ething you wish?

Lovey 'p'orning also to all you Pisses.

The men began to get wild up and many wanted to clobber Mr. Principles

Because he called their Misses Pisses and this was a disrespect to the decent citizens

Two men ran up to his door and grabbed him by the arm and he was mistakenly tickled

Mr. Principles began to chuckle and made plenty giggles

"What is so funny Principles, we are here to give you a beat down."

"Because you called our Misses Pisses and take us men for clowns"

Oh no gentle'p'en, you see I have a proble'p' when pronouncing the letter ("he gestures')

But I love to say P so i substitute it for that letter instead

I condone no har'p', why not squash this, how about so'p'e whine and bread?.

The men looked at the women, the women looked at the men and they all burst out with laughter

Silly Mr Principles made a mess of the alphabet which nearly caused a disaster

The men held their wives hand and everyone strolled away

"Goodbye Sirs, Goodbye Pisses." Mr Principles shouted. "See you another day!"


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    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 5 months ago from Jamaica

      LOL at Eric

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 5 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Very well done. Perhaps one to read to my son who is in that stage that everything pee or poop oriented is just hilarious. Not to mention the very fine lesson about panners.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 5 months ago from Jamaica

      Still do Shannon. Yes, many things can be seen in different eyes and by different sounds.

    • shanmarie profile image

      shanmarie 5 months ago

      Oh, yes. An excellent way to get people to see things aren't always what they seem. Remember those commercials?

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 5 months ago from USA

      Funny and enjoyed. When I saw the title, I had no idea what type of article to expect. I liked this.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 5 months ago from Jamaica

      Glad you loved it Shannon

    • shanmarie profile image

      shanmarie 5 months ago

      Hahaha. What a lisp, if you can call it that! Thanks for the amusement this evening.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 5 months ago from Jamaica

      There always is Billy. Always is.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 months ago from Olympia, WA fun! And I suspect there's a message buried deep inside this.