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The Evolution of Shaving, Showering, and Bathing

Kenneth, born and raised in the South, resides in Hamilton, Alabama. He enjoys sharing his unique perspectives on life through his writing.

From The Time

that water was created, man as well as mankind, have needed water. We had to have it to drink, use for cooking, irrigating our fields, sailing our boats from place to place, and putting that necessary ingredient (water) that helped to launch one of the fastest-moving and lucrative industries to ever hire a C.E.O., and I call that the Water Pistol Businesses.

And what did we, the "intelligent" man do? In order to build bigger factories, there had to be a place to remove the waste products, so it wasn't too long before Board of Trustees and higher-ups worked their butts off to just have another factory built as near as possible to a decent sized body of water--to get ride of their liquid pollutants just so the company wouldn't have to spend more money to clean the water that they had already polluted.

Did water get as much as a thank you for (what) water some companies didn't pollute? No. And while I had to use this pun, the rivers and brooks of our country just kept rolling along. Oh, those huge shipping companies who depend on barges, well, those tugboats are not spic-ad-span, buddy--a certain number of droplets of diesel gas and oil just go with a diesel engine and the tugboats running up and down a big body of water such as the Mississippi River, those oil and gas droplets add up and with that comes the harm brought to innocent fish, crab, shrimp, other breeds of fish all in the name of prosperity.

Conventional shower enclosure.

Conventional shower enclosure.

Now Let's Look Back

at a random caveman and woman and see what's going on in their cave.

For a number of weeks now, the cave-woman, a hard-working dedicated cave-maker (notice that I said "homemaker?") is agitated, not at ca caveman, her husband's work ethic, but how he smells. The caveman is a husky, broad-at-the-shoulder type of man and when it comes to skinning dinosaurs for living, he's the best and his wife, cave-woman loves him. All but his smell.

The cave-woman has made it known for a few weeks now that she wishes that he could do something to do to make him smell better, but his thinking like Rubbing a Dead Polecat all over himself is NOT a brainy idea. No, sir. So with all of his ideas exhausted, the cave-woman loses it and she is upset so much that even her husky husband is now afraid of her.

She yells out: "you see that big pond of water over yonder? You get out there and get in it!"

The caveman looks more confused than ever because he has never touched that water thing, but if that is what it's going to take to keep his wife happy, he walks straight as an arrow right into the water and when he is in the middle of the pond, he smiles. It's something that he's never felt. He yells at her: "Uggghhh, arghhh! (kidding) you get on in here cave-wife and see how good this water feels!"

And with a little ingenuity and common sense, this cave family has made a break-through. They are the owners of the world's fist Lake and they love it. They can even fish in it when they get hungry. But most of the time, they stay clean and smelling great by staying inside the Pond. What an idea!

This is a happy man. It due to him shaving first, then showering or has he already showered and now shaving?

This is a happy man. It due to him shaving first, then showering or has he already showered and now shaving?

But Like All Things

such as the Pond, progress of mankind plus prosperity is now moving faster than a T-Rex chasing a wood-chuck. The cave people whom I've been talking about has become complacent with their Pond and to them, it's just another body of water. The two Cave People even invent riding in a boat and with a homemade net, they catch all manners of fish and seafood--so much so, that they start their own business: Caveman Seafood, LLC., And they make a great business. Cave-wife and caveman are happy, but they are still taking water and now bathing with soap and a wash cloth for granted. These two never had a bar of soap or wash cloth when they were dirty and didn't know anything about water.

As years go by, the cave-people invent clothing, shoes, cars, offices, and well, a New World in which to live, work and have a shower at the day's end . . .or in the morning. Do you see what these two cave-people have accomplished in such a short time? Frankly, I am amazed.

With Progress Comes Sadness and Confusion

on behalf of the caveman who society in his time has stated that he is the "dinosaur winner" (thanks to no bacon being around), so he will have to keep himself clean and giving a neat appearance because he works in something called an office now and the stress is unbelievable. He sweats at the drop of a bone.

The story is no better once he returns home. The cave-wife informs him that after dinner, they are going over to the "Stone Heads" to play ROCK, but cave-husband now has two additional tasks to do: one, he has to shave, and Two: then jump into his smaller Pond that he has designed that will serve his family well by using the Small Pond for bathing and for swimming on the very hot days. No wonder that cave-man is a nervous wreck with all of the preparation that he must do to look good.

At the "Stone Heads'" home, they talk about a lot of things--work, life, and marriage. But cave-man seeks wisdom about shaving before he bathes for an outing. "Mr. Stone Head," tells him that he much rather bathe first and with that, most of his work is finished, so all that's left is a quick shave, but he has made a great decision: tomorrow, he is going to grow a beard, thus he will only have to bathe before he and the "Lady Stone Head" go out for the evening.

As the couples are laughing and talking, a next-door neighbor knocks at the front door. "Mr. Stone Head" answers the door and invites "Flint" to come join the party, as he is the Assistant to the Head Dinosaur Grooming and Marketing, so they all have to kiss butt for one wrong word from "Flint," and well, I cannot tell you what might happen to them.

Cave-Man asks "Flint" to intercede with the question of the night whether it's faster for him (Cave-Man) to shave first, then shave, or bathe first, then shave, so "Flint" looks very sly as he answers: 'I find that I am saving as much as a half-hour if I get into the shower, then bathe, and finish-up by shaving my face and head then I'm finished."

The rest of the company's mouths are wide-open.

Cave-Man says, "Wow! That sounds so easy and efficient, but can you explain to us a bit more about what you do to Shave Your Head?"

_____________________________________March 27, 2018.

Or . . .is "this" man someone who just loves to shave?

Or . . .is "this" man someone who just loves to shave?

© 2018 Kenneth Avery

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