Updated date:

Nov 13, 2019

The Deadly Waitress. A Just-for-Fun Article Challenge

Author:: manatita44

Manatita is an esteemed author living in London, UK. He writes spiritual books, flash fiction and esoteric poetry, his favourite genre.

A Flash Fiction Challenge Given by DzyMsLizzy

This work is a response to the Flash Fiction challenge put out by DzyMsLizzy in the forum. Here is her challenge:

For anyone interested, for the fun of it, write a short (flash fiction) type of story, in which the following sentence must appear at some point:

"Analisa sat alone on the park bench, the scowl on her face as dark as the gathering thunderclouds."
Hope you enjoy my offering.

The Deadly Waitress

Analisa was extremely unhappy. Her husband had just told her that he had found another woman and he was moving out. ‘How dare he!’ She had invested ten years of her life with him and now felt like she was in a casino, where all her bets were placed only in one basket … and it was leaking fast!

She should have seen it coming! After all, they had been drifting apart for a while. His disinterestedness in going out with her, his coming home late from work and then feeling too tired to talk … the numerous texts that he got and his lack of conversation.

How she wished that she could monitor his phone! Somehow, even in sleep, it was always out of reach. Now he was telling her he’d had enough and was leaving. Analisa fumed. She wasn’t going to take this lying down and she knew she needed to act … fast!

She rushed downstairs, opened the front door of the house and headed for the Park, where she usually did her thinking at such critical times.

Analisa sat alone on the Park bench, the scowl on her face as dark as the gathering thunderclouds. Things weren’t looking too good and so as the dark fog of the heart clouded her judgement, she felt that she needed to do something … anything!

She felt so horrible! Looking back, she had not had any loving from her Thomas for a while. Slim, beautiful and still attractive, yet she received no cuddles and kisses before he left home, no phone calls from work, no gifts which he once showered upon her when they were courting and yes, no flowers. Where were the charming, fragrant and radiant roses he once brought every week?

Analisa’s mind raced and raced, until she suddenly came up with a plan. By now she knew the girl responsible. Younger, sexy and yes, more seductive, she had to admit. Alluring enough to make Analisa feel insecure, afraid … anxious. She knew where she and the husband went to eat, thanks to Analisa’s detective work and she knew how to reach them.

***********************************************************************************************

That evening, Thomas and his lover was sitting in the usual restaurant having a meal. They were like love-birds, with him celebrating the fact that he was soon to be freed from his now undesired wife. They had a nice meal together and then, deciding to toast their coming freedom, they both picked up their glasses, gave a knock and said: “Cheers!”

Thomas felt strange on the first gulp and his girlfriend Lisa, very soon afterwards. He looked at her and she looked at him, then they both looked at the waitress, long enough to know who she was beneath the heavy disguise, as she quickly made her way out of the restaurant.

She turned, only to make sure that they both slumped over their meals and knew, that with her potent mix of foxglove digitalis, there was nowhere back.

Manatita, The Lantern Carrier. 12th November, 2019

Thank you, DZyMsLizzy.

Revenge

Comments

manatita44 (author) from london on March 25, 2020:

Yes Peggy.

As a writer I can do many things. I just prefer the spiritual, thst is all. Thanks a lot!

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on March 25, 2020:

Oh my! I would never have thought of murderous revenge like that! This story is something different from you!

manatita44 (author) from london on December 03, 2019:

Chuckle … chuckle, Patricia. You made me laugh. Thank you so much!

Hi Chris,

I seem to have problems seeing my responses sometimes. I also don't receive any emails any more. So I go through my Hubbers one by one. A real pain!

You seem to know a thing or two about poisons. ha ha. Thank you for gracing my page, Bro. An Honour.

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on December 02, 2019:

O my....a woman scorned is not a good thing. This kept my interest, Manatita, from beginning to end. Angels once again are headed your way ps

Chris Mills from Traverse City, MI on November 23, 2019:

"What a wicked web we weave when first we practice to deceive." Splendid story. Very well executed...I mean the story. Yes, foxglove digitalis comes in handy for storytellers who want someone to die cheaply and quickly. And she just might get away with it.

manatita44 (author) from london on November 22, 2019:

Haha.

I am a creative writer and write books. Didn't I help you once?Dont be surprised. It is just that the Divine is my girlfriend. She is my Love and needs my attention more. Salaam!

Devika Primic on November 21, 2019:

I had no idea of your writing style this surprised me. It is interesting when you can write in the different genres. This hows me you have a unique talent and sharing with us makes it exciting,.

manatita44 (author) from london on November 15, 2019:

Thank You, Marlene.

I am actually a writer, meaning I write short stories, essays, books … I am a creative writer. Poetry takes the best words and puts them in the best order. That's why I like it more but I am comfortable at both. Thank you so much!!

Marlene Bertrand from USA on November 14, 2019:

Oh wow! I was totally thrown off my seat with this one. I didn't know you had that style of writing in you. What a talented writer you are. Excellent with multiple genres.

manatita44 (author) from london on November 14, 2019:

Hi Dee,

So you don't know I'm good at flash? Ha ha. While there is no hard and fast rule, they are best when the ending is uncertain or unforeseen. To grab the flow and keep it moving is an art. They are not meant to be like ordinary book-writing - which, to praise myself - I can also do. Chuckle.

Thank you so much!!

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on November 14, 2019:

My goodness! An effective build up, and a sudden twist to the deadly ending. Great job!

manatita44 (author) from london on November 14, 2019:

Thank you Ji. Missed you!

Went over to your Hub but I did not see anything new. Always a joy to see you. There's one of my new pieces dedicated to Rinita where I mention you at the end. happy Belated Diwali! Om Shanti!

Venkatachari M from Hyderabad, India on November 14, 2019:

Well, Manatita. This is a strange but interesting piece from you. I enjoyed the flow and your talent in telling it, even though with a deadly ending. A great response to the challenge.

manatita44 (author) from london on November 14, 2019:

Sweet Chuckle.

You are an innocent girl, Charity. Proud of you!

I love to create intrigue, like Bill. Read his work if you haven't.

Actually, stuff does happen, thank God, not too frequently.

Great to have you here. Welcome.

P.S Just returned from Texas and so will visit you guys later. Om Shanti!

charity mtisi from Johannesburg on November 14, 2019:

You know i was anticipating an ending where they reconcile... I thought she would turn up looking better than his girlfriend......

quite a twist...The serpent's tongue.

manatita44 (author) from london on November 14, 2019:

Indeed, Emge indeed! Thank you so much!

Liz,

It is an honour to participate in such a wonderful challenge. Gratitude.

Linda C.

So happy you enjoyed my Flash! A great day to you.

Lynne,

Very happy that you loved the piece. Awesome! Gratitude.

MG Singh emge from Singapore on November 14, 2019:

Lovely tale of revenge. Have come across so many similar cases in my life. A scorned woman can be like the goddess Kali

Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on November 13, 2019:

Very well done! Thanks for your participation.

Lynne Samuel from Malaysia on November 13, 2019:

Ouch! Well that'll teach them too late, I guess. Short and sweet, I love it, manatita

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on November 13, 2019:

This is a great response to the challenge, Manatita. Your story is creative and interesting;

manatita44 (author) from london on November 13, 2019:

A dangerous thing indeed!! Thank you so much, Audrey.

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on November 13, 2019:

Look at you! This story demonstrates your ability to rise to the challenge. A woman scorned can be a dangerous thing. (Not speaking from experience, of course :))

Thanks, my friend.

manatita44 (author) from london on November 13, 2019:

Definitely not!! Lol.

Or should I cause you to be constantly looking over your shoulder? Ha ha. Actually, a true creative writer can write on anything, but food is not my interest, so you are fine. If I was asked to, I would know the value of setting up the plot, like you do, adding 'tasters' like you also do to wet the appetite, even before you start.

I would also be fluent like you but without the interest the love will be less. Thank you so much, my dear. Peace.

Linda Lum from Washington State, USA on November 13, 2019:

A bit out your element, but handled brilliantly. You truly CAN write anything. Will a food history and recipe be next LOL?

manatita44 (author) from london on November 13, 2019:

Your sweet comment is great for a title. Beware of a woman scorned. Lol. Thank you Shauna

Bill,

Yes Bro.It was a most alluring sentence to work with. Gratitude.

Eric,

I'm happy that you have faith in me. Peace, Bro. Thank you.

Ruby,

Haha. I'm like Bill. We get pleasure in unusual situations

Thank you so much!

Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on November 13, 2019:

Well, I guess Analisa dished out the just desserts, didn't she?

Nice response to Liz's challenge, Manatita.

Beware of a woman scorned!

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on November 13, 2019:

Cool. You got me good. Of course I was not surprised at your adaption from prose.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on November 13, 2019:

The gauntlet was tossed down, you picked it up, and you conquered the challenge. Well done my friend...well done!

Peace be with you always

bill

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on November 13, 2019:

Wow, cheating is sometime deadly as you wrote perfectly. You took this challenge in a different direction, and it was really a chilling read. Well done!

manatita44 (author) from london on November 13, 2019:

Haha Mary.

Just a change for a while

Happens but like Bill, I like a good story. Read a couple of the gentler ones. They are quite healing. Gratitude.

Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on November 13, 2019:

Oh my. I don't think this is normal but many women must have thought of it. Last night, we were just talking about Catherine the Great using poison. Anger can truly poison.

manatita44 (author) from london on November 13, 2019:

Thanks Igra.

Pretty deadly indeed. I seem to like poison, like Agatha Christie. In my Flash, The Deadly Mamba. I used poison as well.

Thank you so much.

Iqra from Pakistan on November 13, 2019:

Wow manatita what a deadly waitress she was ... Enjoyed following your train of thought... Keep writing

Good luck...

manatita44 (author) from london on November 13, 2019:

Ah! So sweet of you to say so, Nikki. Thanks a lot!

Nikki Khan from London on November 12, 2019:

Hahaha, what a deadly waitress!

You really met the challenge quite well. She took her revenge, how lucky she was. Lol.