The Deadly Waitress. A Just-for-Fun Article Challenge

Updated on November 13, 2019
manatita44 profile image

Manatita is an esteemed author living in London, UK. He writes spiritual books, flash fiction and esoteric poetry, his favourite genre.

A Flash Fiction Challenge Given by DzyMsLizzy

This work is a response to the Flash Fiction challenge put out by DzyMsLizzy in the forum. Here is her challenge:

For anyone interested, for the fun of it, write a short (flash fiction) type of story, in which the following sentence must appear at some point:

"Analisa sat alone on the park bench, the scowl on her face as dark as the gathering thunderclouds."

Hope you enjoy my offering.

Source

The Deadly Waitress


Analisa was extremely unhappy. Her husband had just told her that he had found another woman and he was moving out. ‘How dare he!’ She had invested ten years of her life with him and now felt like she was in a casino, where all her bets were placed only in one basket … and it was leaking fast!

She should have seen it coming! After all, they had been drifting apart for a while. His disinterestedness in going out with her, his coming home late from work and then feeling too tired to talk … the numerous texts that he got and his lack of conversation.

How she wished that she could monitor his phone! Somehow, even in sleep, it was always out of reach. Now he was telling her he’d had enough and was leaving. Analisa fumed. She wasn’t going to take this lying down and she knew she needed to act … fast!

She rushed downstairs, opened the front door of the house and headed for the Park, where she usually did her thinking at such critical times.

Analisa sat alone on the Park bench, the scowl on her face as dark as the gathering thunderclouds. Things weren’t looking too good and so as the dark fog of the heart clouded her judgement, she felt that she needed to do something … anything!


Source

She felt so horrible! Looking back, she had not had any loving from her Thomas for a while. Slim, beautiful and still attractive, yet she received no cuddles and kisses before he left home, no phone calls from work, no gifts which he once showered upon her when they were courting and yes, no flowers. Where were the charming, fragrant and radiant roses he once brought every week?

Analisa’s mind raced and raced, until she suddenly came up with a plan. By now she knew the girl responsible. Younger, sexy and yes, more seductive, she had to admit. Alluring enough to make Analisa feel insecure, afraid … anxious. She knew where she and the husband went to eat, thanks to Analisa’s detective work and she knew how to reach them.

***********************************************************************************************

That evening, Thomas and his lover was sitting in the usual restaurant having a meal. They were like love-birds, with him celebrating the fact that he was soon to be freed from his now undesired wife. They had a nice meal together and then, deciding to toast their coming freedom, they both picked up their glasses, gave a knock and said: “Cheers!”

Thomas felt strange on the first gulp and his girlfriend Lisa, very soon afterwards. He looked at her and she looked at him, then they both looked at the waitress, long enough to know who she was beneath the heavy disguise, as she quickly made her way out of the restaurant.

She turned, only to make sure that they both slumped over their meals and knew, that with her potent mix of foxglove digitalis, there was nowhere back.

Manatita, The Lantern Carrier. 12th November, 2019


Thank you, DZyMsLizzy.

Source

Revenge

Do you feel that this is common in partners?

See results

Questions & Answers

    © 2019 manatita44

    Comments

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      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        11 days ago from london

        Chuckle … chuckle, Patricia. You made me laugh. Thank you so much!

        Hi Chris,

        I seem to have problems seeing my responses sometimes. I also don't receive any emails any more. So I go through my Hubbers one by one. A real pain!

        You seem to know a thing or two about poisons. ha ha. Thank you for gracing my page, Bro. An Honour.

      • pstraubie48 profile image

        Patricia Scott 

        12 days ago from North Central Florida

        O my....a woman scorned is not a good thing. This kept my interest, Manatita, from beginning to end. Angels once again are headed your way ps

      • cam8510 profile image

        Chris Mills 

        3 weeks ago from Kettering, Ohio through January, 2020

        "What a wicked web we weave when first we practice to deceive." Splendid story. Very well executed...I mean the story. Yes, foxglove digitalis comes in handy for storytellers who want someone to die cheaply and quickly. And she just might get away with it.

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        3 weeks ago from london

        Haha.

        I am a creative writer and write books. Didn't I help you once?Dont be surprised. It is just that the Divine is my girlfriend. She is my Love and needs my attention more. Salaam!

      • profile image

        Devika Primic 

        3 weeks ago

        I had no idea of your writing style this surprised me. It is interesting when you can write in the different genres. This hows me you have a unique talent and sharing with us makes it exciting,.

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Thank You, Marlene.

        I am actually a writer, meaning I write short stories, essays, books … I am a creative writer. Poetry takes the best words and puts them in the best order. That's why I like it more but I am comfortable at both. Thank you so much!!

      • MarleneB profile image

        Marlene Bertrand 

        4 weeks ago from USA

        Oh wow! I was totally thrown off my seat with this one. I didn't know you had that style of writing in you. What a talented writer you are. Excellent with multiple genres.

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Hi Dee,

        So you don't know I'm good at flash? Ha ha. While there is no hard and fast rule, they are best when the ending is uncertain or unforeseen. To grab the flow and keep it moving is an art. They are not meant to be like ordinary book-writing - which, to praise myself - I can also do. Chuckle.

        Thank you so much!!

      • MsDora profile image

        Dora Weithers 

        4 weeks ago from The Caribbean

        My goodness! An effective build up, and a sudden twist to the deadly ending. Great job!

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Thank you Ji. Missed you!

        Went over to your Hub but I did not see anything new. Always a joy to see you. There's one of my new pieces dedicated to Rinita where I mention you at the end. happy Belated Diwali! Om Shanti!

      • Venkatachari M profile image

        Venkatachari M 

        4 weeks ago from Hyderabad, India

        Well, Manatita. This is a strange but interesting piece from you. I enjoyed the flow and your talent in telling it, even though with a deadly ending. A great response to the challenge.

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Sweet Chuckle.

        You are an innocent girl, Charity. Proud of you!

        I love to create intrigue, like Bill. Read his work if you haven't.

        Actually, stuff does happen, thank God, not too frequently.

        Great to have you here. Welcome.

        P.S Just returned from Texas and so will visit you guys later. Om Shanti!

      • charity mtisi profile image

        charity mtisi 

        4 weeks ago from Johannesburg

        You know i was anticipating an ending where they reconcile... I thought she would turn up looking better than his girlfriend......

        quite a twist...The serpent's tongue.

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Indeed, Emge indeed! Thank you so much!

        Liz,

        It is an honour to participate in such a wonderful challenge. Gratitude.

        Linda C.

        So happy you enjoyed my Flash! A great day to you.

        Lynne,

        Very happy that you loved the piece. Awesome! Gratitude.

      • emge profile image

        MG Singh 

        4 weeks ago from Singapore

        Lovely tale of revenge. Have come across so many similar cases in my life. A scorned woman can be like the goddess Kali

      • DzyMsLizzy profile image

        Liz Elias 

        4 weeks ago from Oakley, CA

        Very well done! Thanks for your participation.

      • lynnes75 profile image

        Lynne Samuel 

        4 weeks ago from Malaysia

        Ouch! Well that'll teach them too late, I guess. Short and sweet, I love it, manatita

      • AliciaC profile image

        Linda Crampton 

        4 weeks ago from British Columbia, Canada

        This is a great response to the challenge, Manatita. Your story is creative and interesting;

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        A dangerous thing indeed!! Thank you so much, Audrey.

      • vocalcoach profile image

        Audrey Hunt 

        4 weeks ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Look at you! This story demonstrates your ability to rise to the challenge. A woman scorned can be a dangerous thing. (Not speaking from experience, of course :))

        Thanks, my friend.

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Definitely not!! Lol.

        Or should I cause you to be constantly looking over your shoulder? Ha ha. Actually, a true creative writer can write on anything, but food is not my interest, so you are fine. If I was asked to, I would know the value of setting up the plot, like you do, adding 'tasters' like you also do to wet the appetite, even before you start.

        I would also be fluent like you but without the interest the love will be less. Thank you so much, my dear. Peace.

      • Carb Diva profile image

        Linda Lum 

        4 weeks ago from Washington State, USA

        A bit out your element, but handled brilliantly. You truly CAN write anything. Will a food history and recipe be next LOL?

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Your sweet comment is great for a title. Beware of a woman scorned. Lol. Thank you Shauna

        Bill,

        Yes Bro.It was a most alluring sentence to work with. Gratitude.

        Eric,

        I'm happy that you have faith in me. Peace, Bro. Thank you.

        Ruby,

        Haha. I'm like Bill. We get pleasure in unusual situations

        Thank you so much!

      • bravewarrior profile image

        Shauna L Bowling 

        4 weeks ago from Central Florida

        Well, I guess Analisa dished out the just desserts, didn't she?

        Nice response to Liz's challenge, Manatita.

        Beware of a woman scorned!

      • Ericdierker profile image

        Eric Dierker 

        4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

        Cool. You got me good. Of course I was not surprised at your adaption from prose.

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        4 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

        The gauntlet was tossed down, you picked it up, and you conquered the challenge. Well done my friend...well done!

        Peace be with you always

        bill

      • always exploring profile image

        Ruby Jean Richert 

        4 weeks ago from Southern Illinois

        Wow, cheating is sometime deadly as you wrote perfectly. You took this challenge in a different direction, and it was really a chilling read. Well done!

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Haha Mary.

        Just a change for a while

        Happens but like Bill, I like a good story. Read a couple of the gentler ones. They are quite healing. Gratitude.

      • aesta1 profile image

        Mary Norton 

        4 weeks ago from Ontario, Canada

        Oh my. I don't think this is normal but many women must have thought of it. Last night, we were just talking about Catherine the Great using poison. Anger can truly poison.

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Thanks Igra.

        Pretty deadly indeed. I seem to like poison, like Agatha Christie. In my Flash, The Deadly Mamba. I used poison as well.

        Thank you so much.

      • Iqra431 profile image

        Iqra 

        4 weeks ago from Pakistan

        Wow manatita what a deadly waitress she was ... Enjoyed following your train of thought... Keep writing

        Good luck...

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Ah! So sweet of you to say so, Nikki. Thanks a lot!

      • nikkikhan10 profile image

        Nikki Khan 

        4 weeks ago from London

        Hahaha, what a deadly waitress!

        You really met the challenge quite well. She took her revenge, how lucky she was. Lol.

        Keep on writing short stories, you’re good in it too.

        Namasty ji!

      • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

        manatita44 

        4 weeks ago from london

        Not fun in the true sense. I am a creative writer and wanted to give it a try. I am used to Flash Fiction, my dear.

        Thanks John.

        I can do many things. I'm just not bothering much, that's all. I was writing short stories, in my very early teens. Thank you so much!!

      • shanmarie profile image

        Shannon Henry 

        4 weeks ago from Texas

        Oooohhhh....a dark one from you. What a surprise. I like it, though. Was it fun to mix it up a bit?

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        4 weeks ago from Queensland Australia

        This is something a little different from you manatita. Quite a good flash fiction you created here, and met the challenge well.

      working

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