Alexandra Lang is a 22 year old performer currently traveling the world, writing about her time around the universe.
let me hold on to nothing for just a little bit longer
I have been in love with you longer than I ever even intended to like you, and I am still trying to figure out exactly what it means to let go of someone you love. If you love someone so much that they tell you that nothing you do can ever waiver their love for you, then how can you let them go?
The answer is easy. You never loved them. Letting go should feel like letting sand fall from your hands, or letting a balloon go to fly into the sky.
But with you, it feels more like letting go of a steel ball that is latched around my ankle and dropping it into the ocean, pulling me down and drowning me in the obliviousness of your restrain.
With you, it feels like swimming right to the surface of the water, being able to feel the sun on my face, but not getting my nose and mouth above the water to the air to breathe.
With you, it feels like running close to the edge of a cliff, ready to jump off, but not realizing that there is a bungee cord attached around my waist that pulls me back, harder and faster than I tried to leave.
With you, it feels like running through fire, and once on the other side of the flames, realizing that I left the most treasured thing I’ve ever called my own on the other side; but I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to go back through the inferno.
You’re the noose that can’t be cut. The knife that can’t be dulled. The gun that’s never on safety. The pills that never run out. The fire that’s flames never diminish.
But at the same time you’re the flower that never loses it’s bloom. The air that never loses the smell of rain. The tree that’s roots cannot be pulled. The blanket that’s fabric cannot be made rough. The water that cannot be made impure.
Now you tell me; how do you let go?
Glenn Stok from Long Island, NY on December 17, 2015:
What a powerful arrangement of feelings of despair when one is trying to let go when nothing has existed to let go of to begin with. Goes to show it can't be done as long as it's only in the mind.