I thought it would be fine if I moved on, let you be happy with someone else.
I thought it would be okay if I threw out that jumper you gave me while we kissed in the rain..
I thought it be fine if I deleted your photos from my phone. But I kept the first photo of us, with you staring straight down at my eyes.
.. I thought it be fine if I spoke to my heart and really late you go. Let it know you not coming back.
.. Deep down just hoping you'll come back around and hold me like you used to. .. Make me laugh like you used to.
But life's been tough since you closed that door behind you.
.. I don't know how many lies have committed, saying "I love you" to someone I don't even care about. Wishing you'd come back and redeem me.
. I even stopped keeping track on my diary because nothing's worth remembering of late.
.. I still wear that T-shirt I wore on our first date, hoping that I'd catch a smell of your perfume.
I still relieve that hug when you didn't wanna let go. I can still feel the warmth of your hand holding tightly to mine.
.. I can still see that smile that drove me to kissing you.
I still roll over my bed everyday wishing I'd just turn and find you there...
It's weird that we don't even talk anymore. It's weird we don't even run into each other like we used to.
I still visit that place we used to go out for grabs.
I still ask our friends to say hello to you but I don't get no feedback from them.
I got bruised watching you kiss my replacement.
Staring down on each other like we used to.
Holding hands, walking down the alleys like we used to. Laughing at the silly jokes you made.
I know it can't be what it used to be. But it be just okay if you came back. Or at least say hi once in a while... Let me know you are happy. .
I don't know if am to blame.
I don't know if it'd make sense if I even tried explaining.
I don't know if it's weird but I just need to hear you say you loved me.. At least one last time. .
Because this other side of the mirror sucks. I want to tell you that your smile is still perfect. L
Tell you that you choose the right clothes ..
Tell you that that t shirt matches your eyes..
Tell you that my heart's still asking if you coming back.
Tell you that I still love you. .
.. But it don't count because you belong to someone else. .
.. I really hope that I'll get to get my head straight. Get that load burdening my heart. Clear my head.. And if possible start all over and put this behind me...
.. I just need to see you one more time.
Say the sorries.
.. Hug you one last time and I'll never wash that t shirt again.
Just tell me you happy on the other side.
Let me know that you are happy even if it's not like it used to be.
© 2019 Amani Utembu
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on April 29, 2019:
Such heartfelt words.
A great write.