Story of a happy traveler, misguided, riding on the storm

Updated on January 27, 2017

Avoided a speeding ticket and born breach

Pattie felt the sharp stomach pangs that come with early labor contractions while simultaneously slamming the gas pedal to the floor of her red 1990's model Toyota Supra that would still be considered stylishly sporty to this day and pressed on toward the ER. One of Memphis's finest sprang the motorcycle into gear just as Pattie's low profile Toyota frame tightly hugged the pavement and attempted to pass by the blind spot safely on it's way to the delivery room.

John law was on top of his job that day. Pregnant Pattie never protested nor petitioned the well meaning Barney Fife type to even feign the existence of any human decency or common sense that ought to be afforded to humans. No, the streets were kept safe that day by the sneaky patrol cop doing his job to ticket pregnant birthing women in a rush to deliver a baby at the hospital.

Thank God! Pattie got to the hospital, ticket in hand and baby on board. Baby Leonard was ready to burst out and time or form were neither important concerns for him. So, because of his impatience, Pattie was cut open at her stomach in a c section to remove Leonard before he crawled out by himself.

Leonard was strangling himself with his umbilical chord prompting the delivering doctor to expedite a breach birth with Leonard being pulled out ass first and upside down. And Leonard was so tightly coiled like a spring that when doctors set him on the table on his back and pulled his upturned legs out straight, they immediately popped back up in the air like a beer tab being sprung open on a cold day. Leonard would learn later on that life preferred his ass instead of his head.

Protecting the public from pregnant mothers

Leonard later in Life

Leonard wasn't the brightest bulb in the package. He once pulled down on the plugged in cord of a clothes iron to have it press a permanent red mark on his leg.

He also crawled as a toddler to the back door where he antagonized the family cocker spaniel that was on the other end of the glass naturally perturbed at his disrespect. So the cocker ripped into Leonard's head first chance he got sending Leonard to the hospital for stitches on his visible skull.

Leonard visited his grandfather during winter at his lake and stepped too close to the slippery bank to avoid sliding into the frigid water. He wanted so badly to excel at the game of hide and seek that while playing the game with his neighbor he locked himself in the trunk of the family car leading to him frantically yelling and kicking for anyone to let him out before he spontaneously combusted from pitch black fear and terror.


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