So . . .This is What Loneliness Feels Like

Updated on October 31, 2017
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth, loves satire and writings to spotlight others, but he also has an "addiction" so to speak, to dramatic and abstract/prose poetry.

Do you FEEL the pain that this man is feeling?
Do you FEEL the pain that this man is feeling? | Source

So . . .this one moment is what loneliness feels like. Like bashing my head wide-open astride a Harley 74 Sportster not counting the cost. Not thinking . . .not about what here and what I lost. What I lost! I just heard what I whispered. What an idiot--and I just talked to her Wednesday she was so happy, care-free, no stress with us--no road we didn't see.

If this break-up was a rattler, I would be sure to miss its strike. And so . . .this one moment is what loneliness feels like.

I hate that wall there where she first sat. I even hate the shaky wooden chair near the wobbly table where we'd just talk, drink some coffee, and forget our meals. No tinsel, no fanfare, no twinkle of her star. That's love alright. And life makes no deals.

Six whole weeks . . .42 great, loving days--sunrise to sunset. Love for us we didn't forget. Yet . . .now, walking here going through the motions hoping she will darken the door and if I were a degenerate gambler, I'd be living in rags now for heartache must be what I get. She's not coming. Nope. Not today. Not tomorrow. My day to lay, cry and pray . . .I may try to forget her name and the stuffed poodle toy that she said, I love it a lot. So . . .this one moment staring right at me is what loneliness really feels like.

Sad, I came here just out of habit. Idiot! I'm glad that Mr. Joysterelli, my old friend, cannot read my thoughts. I am really glad of that. He'd know my life now emptied of her love and the beautiful white doves that flew over her above. The harmonies of nature's symphonies sing . . .and how I'd stare into her--seeing every inch of her pure soul. But fools are born everyday. So . . .really? This is truly how loneliness really feels.

Why didn't I notice? I didn't see the sign. I was convinced that she was happy. I know that I was. And why not? Our signs matched, our eyes latched, and there was not one eyelash that grew between she and I. Just darkness now although it's light outside. Who cares? For all she cares right now . . .I died. I died. I really died. Why can't I get past her silken hair; that hummingbird voice and that giggle, what man could resist? But somehow I did. And what a fool I was. The biggest fool you ever seen. I'm here alone at the last scene--the sky looks all blue and serene and so . . .this is really what loneliness feels like.

Mr. Joysterelli knew. He knew it from six weeks ago when we met. It was right here on a Friday night after I had finished my classwork. I wanted that Masters Degree. I worked my butt off for that. And I was tired to the bone and yet, when we glanced on that certain Friday night, I swear, lights went off! Sirens went down the street. And somewhere high in the Rockies, a Golden Eagle sang when she met her mate. Why? Why not ? I never thought six weeks ago that I'd be here at our table drinking the free coffee that Mr. Joysterelli was good enough to give me. Why can't I find a girl like he has at home. Married! Can you wrap your head around Mr. Joysterelli and his lovely wife, Anna, being married for over 55 years! Ahhh, so blessed, the ones with hearts that cannot break. Not give anyone pain. No cursing or ache.

So . . .this fading moment is pouring out to the invisible wall of time. She was an angel, alright, and was mine. Did I say that? She was mine. I hate that word, was. It's so final. So end of it all. I also hate feeling like a corpse with no name. No tag to remember me by. And what is "she" doing right now? Living. Loving and probably with . . .I'm not walking on that cobblestone anymore.

There's the door. She's not mine anymore. We are no more. No lightning will strike. No. And so . . .this deathly moment is truly what loneliness truly feels like.

Pain and Loneliness works just as hard with WOMEN.
Pain and Loneliness works just as hard with WOMEN. | Source

Questions & Answers

    © 2017 Kenneth Avery


      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment
      • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

        Kenneth Avery 

        15 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

        Dear Gypsy Rose Lee,

        I agree. Loneliness affects the entire human spectre of life, mind, spirit and soul.

        Thank you, Dear Friend, for the Lovely comment--I am heading to your link right now.

        Write anytime.

      • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

        Gypsy Rose Lee 

        15 months ago from Riga, Latvia

        Depending on the moment loneliness can be heavy to deal with. My muses feel it too I just posted a poem about loneliness on one of my other sites. This was very expressive. Here is a link to mine.

      • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

        Kenneth Avery 

        15 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

        Dear Poppy:

        Thank you so very much. I know. But many times, I just go with my heart and then read it from a Drastic-Edit and if it passes . . .I publish.

        This is purely a segment of a harsh truth that I felt.

        Write soon.

      • poppyr profile image


        15 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

        Nice piece. Needs some work, but it's nice. Is it fictional or from experience?


      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

      Show Details
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)