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Wish I Wasn't Me

so-can-i-take-it-all-back

It is all going to be alright; It is going to be okay; It will hurt for sometime but it will be okay... Oh, if you talk about it, you will feel better. Will I feel better, really? Because every time I talk about my feelings, I end up getting hurt. People use my story against me.

It is not my fault that bad things happen to me; or maybe it is... I really don't know what is right or wrong for me.

I don't know how to make people I love, stay. Because every time I like someone, they ignore me or choose someone else over me. Sometimes I feel like I deserve it, you know. I always think that if I was good enough, people I love won't keep choosing other people over me.

Wait, did I tell you am clingy and a constant nag? Yeah, I know... it is exhausting to deal with me.

It hurts to be me. It sucks to be me. It is so painful and disappointing to be me because nothing good is of me.

So I love this person, and my world rotates around this person. But this person never chooses me, ever. It hurts so much, and I keep letting this person know the way their actions hurt my feelings. This person does not care, probably. So, I wish I wasn't me.

If I wasn't me, maybe I could unsay the things I said, I could undo the things I did, I could have a better way of approaching matters of life, or maybe I will fall in love with a different person.

I wanna have a better life, I wanna be a better person, I wanna stay happy and free.

I wish I could take back all that I've lost, because am tired of losing and I really want to start winning.

Like go to an alternate universe and start over. Be a better version of myself so I can impress the one that I love.

© 2022 Marion Ruth

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