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Scattered Memories


Hour 1.

The golden sunlight into my room. I would love to say that the gentle rays lightly coaxed me awake by bathing its tiny little gold specks through my eyelids, but really it was the loud honk from the cars below that jolted me up. I’m not going to lie, it felt like I rose from the dead.

Hour 2.

My coffee tastes disgusting. I should have written a note to inform myself that the coffee needs a lot of cream and that the coffee maker will electrocute me. Spent the next few minutes flipping through my diary while listening to a show in the background. I chuckled occasionally when listening to the dialogues, that was funny. I guess my diary was right, and after I snorted my coffee out of my nose, it makes sense that this would be my favourite show.

Hour 3.

I got a map. I thought I would maybe have a few lying around my house, but I can’t find them, and it wasn’t written in my diary too. It took me 10 minutes to find the little bookstore that was located just beneath my flat. Can’t help but wonder if I looked like an idiot to the people playing chess at my void deck. I really hoped they were too engrossed in their game to notice me. The nice bookstore lady gave me the map for free, said that she felt I would need it and gave me her number too. Told me to call if I needed anything. I wonder why didn’t my diary reflect this.

Hour 4.

The park was relaxing. I loved hearing the little giggles from children and the gossiping aunties walking around with their grocery bags in hand. Can’t help but wonder how what they will do next. Climb a tree? Buy some tomatoes? When tomorrow comes, will they still remember what they did today? I hope they do, it looked like they all had fun.

Hour 5.

Got some food. The map I got from the nice lady at the bookstore had a restaurant circled in red surrounded by exclamation points. The food was really good too. Sweet and spicy. The tastes felt familiar, which I have to say is a good feeling to have. Even for a split second, it was relaxing not to feel so much like a stranger in my own life. Met this cute guy too. Gave me the food for free. I think he might be the son of the bookstore lady; otherwise, why would he buy me food?

Hour 7.

The restaurant guy and I went out for a stroll. His name is Sebastian. We walked along the river bank and he told me all about the entertaining movie he saw last night. He was really passionate about it, a shame I couldn’t reciprocate though. It must be nice for him to remember things.

Hour 10.

We spent the rest of the day together. We went to an arcade, a comedy movie, and a cafe with some of the most beautiful paintings I have seen. Throughout the day Sebastian wrote everything I said down in a little red notebook. At first, I thought he was mocking me scribbling things down onto my map, but it turned out he was just journaling his day so he can share every detail with his girlfriend. Must be a lucky lady. Can’t imagine someone else being this sweet to me. He told me everything he wrote in his little notebook, telling me about the time he brought his girlfriend to the amusement park where he won her a giant teddy, the time when he brought her to a stand-up show because he loves hearing her laugh, and the time he brought her to the museum because her eyes always light up when looking at artworks. I hope his girlfriend will come back soon, I don’t know how does a loving stare look like, but if I were to make a guess, it would look like Sebastian’s eyes when he looked at me reminiscing about the times he had with his girlfriend.

Hour 12.

What a long day. I guessed correctly; the bookstore lady was Sebastian’s mother. He walked me back to my flat and went to the closed bookstore. Struggled longer than I was proud of when trying to open my door. For an instant, I was worried I was at the wrong door. Thank god it wasn’t though, that would’ve been so embarrassing. I placed everything down on my living room floor and went to the kitchen to see if I have anything to drink. I accidentally dropped a cup on the floor, and when I went to pick it up, I saw a note on the floor.

“Don’t drink the coffee from the coffee maker. It’s disgusting, and it’ll electrocute you.”

Huh, so I guess I did write it down. I took a shower and turned my television volume all the way up. I don’t want to go to sleep. I don’t want to forget the day I had. It was nothing special, just an average day anyone would have. But unlike the average person, I won’t remember anything. So many lost memories are scattered across random maps and post-it notes and notebooks, and I can’t find them. I’m not even sure if I can remember I placed this diary tomorrow. If I were making a wish, I really wish I can remember my days after the nights. I don’t want to be a stranger to myself.

© 2021 Alison Lian