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Sam's Club to Introduce New DNA-Based Membership Program

*Methods used to track memberships will include blood and urine screens, mouth swabs, and skin samples.*

If you belong to Sam's Club, no longer will a membership card take up space in your purse or wallet. The wholesale produce chain has introduced an all-new program that uses its customers' genetic makeup to provide them with incredible savings. The program, which is expected to be in full effect by late August, will be using a variety of identification procedures to confirm customers' memberships, including urine and blood samples taken right at the door.

"It's quite revolutionary," said CEO Floyd Munson. "Shoppers can now get our incredible savings without having to keep track of a membership card. Just a piss in a cup or a needle through the skin will get you involved with all the great deals we have to offer."

Other methods used to track memberships will include mouth swabs, hair follicles, and skin samples.

"The technology is here," Munson went on, "so why not use it?"

Signing up for the program is simple. Just log on to and click Membership Sign Up. You will then be prompted to set up an appointment with a representative to give a blood and/or urine sample. If you already have a membership, you can trade in your card at any Sam's Club location and get your DNA screening all at once.

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