River of Memories

Updated on January 21, 2019

Sundays

River Walk
River Walk

A Mind in Recovery.

River Of Memories.


She takes a seat by the river. Perhaps not quiet enough. Close enough to enable her to watch the Sunday crowds and tourists. Their cameras clicking like a hundred clocks, or a heavy handed person typing noisily on a keyboard.

The clatter of crockery, knives, forks, spoons, as they tuck into food. Laughter amid cries of approval as they watch a small ship, The Matthew, drifting slowly by, sails unfurled, heading downriver to the coast. The clicks gather in momentum, each photographer trying to capture a picture for posterity. Something to show the office, the relatives, the friends back home.

The buzz of chatter fills the air, the sound waves carrying out to the river, echoing as they drift on almost as if following the The Matthew on its voyage. A mother pulls her little son away from the edge of the river wall, scolding him for getting too close.

Too noisy here, she picks up her coffee and walks further down river. She needs only the sound of the river, the gulls above her head, traffic in the distance. All else is too intrusive.

There. The seat that has almost become her own.

Taking a sip of her by now, lukewarm coffee, she tilts her head back, closes her eyes waiting for the pictures in her mind to slowly move into focus.

So many times she has fought to keep these pictures from shifting out of her minds mist. This time would be different.

Different because without re-living, bringing back those pictures her life would never move on. It has been too long. Time had not healed like they say it does. Because until this moment she has refused to see the pictures in her head.

To see meant to lose forever the sight. The last sight of her.

It meant she had to feel those last moments again. Moments so painful, so raw even now. Yet she knows she must do this.

The headache. A killer migraine Saskia had called it. The irony of that would soon be evident.

As recall brought clarity and focus, she could see how pale

Saskia looked that day. How lethargic and how the light was hurting her eyes. The hospital.

It was just after 8am.

The next picture lifted, floated in her mind. Brought into focus

the vision of her love, barely conscious, now lying on a hospital bed. Nurses and doctors, Saskias’ own friends and colleagues surrounding her.

The next picture…….. A man in theatre garb walking slowly into the relatives room. His eyes say it all. Saskia is gone.

Numb. Lost.

It was just after 4am

A dog barks and her eyes open, banishing the pictures.

The memories fall like a river down her face as tears. Sobs rip through her like punches to her abdomen. She is for some minutes wracked with the pain and sorrow of grief and loss. The unreality of the speed with which Saskia was taken from her.

Forever.

She hears her loves voice in her head. The whispers, the giggles. One sentence hangs in the air.

“When the time comes, let me go.”

She sucks in a deep, deep breath, closes her eyes for a moment more, picturing that beautiful face and whispers,

“I miss you, I love you, and now I will let you go”.

---------

Opening her eyes once more, she places a hand on her heart.

Closing the door finally, but placing Saskia and all those memories where they are safe. In her heart.

The time has come, to finally move on. She disappears into the crowds with a soft, if sad smile on her lips.

End.

Questions & Answers

    © 2019 Carole Emb

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment
      • Carole-Emb profile imageAUTHOR

        Carole Emb 

        3 weeks ago from UK

        Many thanks for your kind words Lora. :)

        C

      • Lora Hollings profile image

        Lora Hollings 

        3 weeks ago

        A very moving account of the tremendous sadness of losing a loved one and how it can continue to impact on our life. Your article is skillfully and poignantly written.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        3 weeks ago from Queensland Australia

        Heartbreaking but well written. Thank you for sharing Carole.

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, letterpile.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://letterpile.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)