Orange You Glad to See Me?

Updated on April 8, 2017

His name was Orange. This moniker fit the fat man better than most clothes, but not better than his current attire and namesake: a bright orange T shirt, stained dark around the neck and underarm. Like most dedicated, long distance hikers, Orange was a sweaty one. The wetness matted his already untouchable, stringy hair onto his crown and pasted the rest to the back of his neck. His smell did not inspire desire, nor did my nose register any pheromones underneath the stench.

What did not offend, however, was his talking. His voice was mellow and smooth, pleasurable even. We talked about this and about that, occasionally feeling close and comfortable enough to jeer at one another without offense. Similar to hair pulling by young boys turning into proper courtship, our rude remarks evolved into flirtatious banter. Apparently desensitized to his odor and unruly appearance, I became susceptible to these flirtations.

On a break in a shelter, singing Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Have You Ever Seen the Rain?”, I watched as Orange took his toilet paper roll down the trail to the privy. I was barely 18 at the time and flooded with hormones. I wondered about his past girlfriends and first experiences. It crossed my mind to be cruel, like a cat toying with a not dead yet mouse. I thought to ask if he ever made it with a teenager. Deciding I had no intention, I knew I must stop being coquettish with him. As Orange rolled back down the trail and settled himself next to me, I broke the silence.

“Orange ya glad to see me?” I asked.

“Yeah. After the shit I’ve just been through, though, I’m just glad to be here.” He laughed to himself, proud of his bathroom humor. The stars in my eyes began to blink out as he continued a detailed account of the privy’s conditions and his personal difficulties.

During the following silence, his smell rose up between us. I stifled a gag. Embarrassed to admit I considered this person a possible mate, I began to solidify my exit strategy. I had no way of out pacing this man and it would be suspicious to insist he hike on after days of using him for company. I knew I must tolerate my new friend until it was polite not to do so.

“You know what really gets my juices flowing?” Orange asked suddenly.

Shaking the fog out of my head, I asked uninterested, “What?”

“Armpit hair.”

Thinking on this a moment, I realized I had armpit hair after living, uncivilized, in the woods for several months. I did not want to encourage the guy, but what lonely person’s ears don’t prick when flattered? Whose heart does not soar when their insecurities are loved by another? I lifted an arm to expose myself and raised an eyebrow to ask if he liked it.

Nodding, Orange’s voice grew gruff. “Oh, yeah. Just like that. I can’t get enough of it!”

The flattery had sunk in and my smile was hard to hide. I put the other arm in the air and gave myself a mock stroke. “What about this?” I asked, wondering what exactly a sexy armpit dance would look like.

With no warning, Orange’s face dropped and his tone became serious. “ No. What are you doing? Who likes armpit hair? I was joking. Please, put those things away before you hurt someone.”

It became glaringly obvious that Orange was not, in fact, glad to see me.

Questions & Answers


      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      No comments yet.


      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

      Show Details
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
      ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)