It is what it is. As long as you live for today then yesterday and tomorrow do not matter.
There Are Some Hallways That Have No End
I inhaled sharply as the echo of footsteps radiated through the hallway. I am able to pick out voices above me... and below...? There are many noises, but the one that I find most comfortable is my own breath. I zoned in on the sound of oxygen circulating through my respiratory system. The noise it made when I exhale. I felt confused as I brought my hand up to my face rubbing my eyes, as if to force blood flow to my vision. I can't seem to remember where I was before I was right here, or what I was doing leading up to this event; I couldn't tell you why I would need to even know the reason. None of those questions were that important to me at this particular moment in time. As if to wonder what could be more important than identifying my current situation.
A banging noise from my left caused me to whip out of my thought process. I looked around I could see that only half the lights were operational, while others just flickered. That is some nonsense, I squinted my eyes to locate a sign or some type of directional map that I could navigate to a safer location. Or even figure out my current position. I had no luck, I was able to make out signs but the markings were not legible. I have been frozen in this spot for a long time I suppose, if to indicate time in the amount of breaths I take then I have taken many. My heart would not stop exploding against my chest cavity, which caused the breathing to be labored. My heart feels as though it is limited on space right now. I tried to make my chest as big as I could stretching my back straight to perhaps give my heart more room to expand. I could feel every heart beat radiate throughout every single artery in my body. I have got to slow my breathing to that perhaps my heart will chill out.
"Grrrrrrrr!" from some unfamiliar entity was heard in the distance, but close enough to raise adrenaline in my veins. I scanned the area for something to defend myself with. But failed to locate anything remotely close. What is this place? Not even something I could break off the wall. I turned to feel the barricade I was against, it felt smooth but rigid like wood. It has a very small amount of give. I felt as though I was in a very old house, or maybe a very old building. I could break this if it is wood. I tried punching the wall, but it retaliated like rubber. Wait... I could have sworn this was made of wood, I added more pressure with my hand and it now felt like I was pushing against rubber. I feel like I am within some type of big architecture, because the noises I am hearing sound like they are coming from a location in a different sector.
"Holy shit!" I exclaimed to myself, "Why haven't I noticed this before?" as I glanced across the hall I was able to locate one of those emergency fire department cases with an axe in it. "Bingo!" I narrowed my focus on that particular spot, which was approximately 50 yards away from where I was standing. Or maybe less...? I was having a hard time tuning into my depth perception. I felt it hard to focus with my heart suddenly starting up again in the presence of danger. I took a couple more deep breaths as I narrowed my audio to listen for any strange buzzing or crackling. I haven't heard that particular array of pitches again but there are MANY that could be heard in the distance. Perhaps on a different floor, these are the types of sounds that could not have possibly came from a human being. They feel close and far away at the same time. At some points it sounds like someone is right next to me talking into my ear.
My eyes shot open almost instantly after my automatic mindfulness techniques kicked in. Which often do when I have zoned out for a particularly long amount of time. I need to locate a window, maybe then I can get an idea of where I am.
I looked over to what I was previously excited about. There was nothing. The Fire case was gone. Did I see one before or it was never there to begin with? I took a step in the direction of the closest room, I guess I am in a hospital, or maybe a business building. The first room was only about 10 steps away, but I took them so slow that it appeared like more. I was filled with fear which was causing my legs to feel like 60 pound weights. Once getting there I wrapped my right hand around the doorknob with my body pressed against the door. The door felt kind of heavy but also light, made of metal like one of those old doors that is hollow on the inside. I put my ear to it to listen for any threats that may or may not be behind that door. It sounded pretty quiet, so I tightened my grip and turned, the handle was one of those industrial metal ones, but it felt slightly loose, like it has been used many times. To my surprise, the door was unlocked, unsure if that was a good or bad thing, as if it having to be one or the other as a common denominator. The door made a loud creaking noise as it was being opened, I stopped suddenly in fear that the sudden squeaky hinge echoing down the hall would alert unwanted company. But it did not, so I continued. Widening the space between me and the door, I noticed that there was indeed a bed in this room. So that confirmed my hypothesis of being located in a hospital. Scanning the room the walls were a light shade of brown, more like a beige. There was white trim along the floor. I saw a phone that was next to the bed, the very old looking bed that had a strange combination of colored blankets, there was a window on the adjacent wall that instantly captured my attention. Or what I assumed was a window, a large portion of the back wall was covered by drapes. I did not see any light seeping out of any one of the cracks. That did not feel normal to me. I am still trying to figure out what timeline I was in, or am in, everything looks so old so maybe something in the past. OR something from the future, explaining the past. But who knows, this could just be an old building. How I got here is still a mystery.
I instantly ran straight to the window and jerked the curtain open, the drapes were only slightly heavy but where thinner than I was expecting, after revealing what the drapes were covering, I was presented with only darkness. I got a little closer to the window and I noticed how dark it was, but I couldn't figure out by what. It appeared to have been painted black from the outside. An instant chill ran down my back, I took another glance around the room as I was filled with crippling fear causing my legs to give out and I collapsed on the bed. Sitting down trying to regain some focus, I took a couple of deep breathes as I closed my eyes. "This can't be real... This is not real." I squinted harder as if to try and make the current reality change to something different. After some time doing that I opened my eyes to reveal nothing different. I stretched my arms a little allowing the fear to pass.
Another noise jolted me into action, reaching down by the bed I noticed that there was a rail attached and it was slightly loose. I shook it from side to side a little, and then realized that it was about to break off. Hopping off the bed I squatted down and analyzed what I was about to break off this hospital bed. At this moment I could see just how dark it was in the room I had wondered into. I got up to locate some type of lamp or flash light; or perhaps a light switch, but in doing so caused me to get distracted by light emanating from the window, the window that was just previously saturated in black. This time it was not, there was a neighborhood, I was viewing a neighborhood through the eyes of a neighbor looking out the window. But it was not a happy vibe, I felt sadness and sorrow. There were being walking around, a lot of them. And they all had things in there hands. They were all holding objects that appeared to be utilized to cause pain on others. People just walking around with shotguns and baseball bats. "What the hell?" I repositioned myself closer to the window, getting completely distracted from whatever I was doing before. It was a suburban area, green cut grass and sidewalks, people walking around who appeared to have smiles on their faces.
I am looking out the window at someone's house in the suburbs. I thought I was pretty sure a few minutes ago that I was in a bigger building. Has it been 5 minutes or more...? Maybe more. Am I on a high floor, I honestly don't even know. I refocused to what the window was showing me and this time it was the same section of land as before but there was a hurricane stirring all around them. The anger consumed over the environment. I was unable to move from watching this happen, even though a part of me felt sick and wanted to leave but something was causing me to stand still. My legs became unfunctional, I began to panic discovering this fact. I was able to feel my legs but I could not move them.
The people in the picture started to attack each other, using the baseball bats across the others head. The sound it made caused my throat to spasm a little. It almost sounded like a big tree being cut down, the sound it makes as it is falling, right before and after it hits the ground. I noticed someone blow someone else's head off with a shotgun. The sound of the shot made every muscle in my body tense up, and even more so seeing it blow a spray of blood red coated brain matter across the house he was standing in front of. I watched as his blood left his body, soaking up the dirt, it pooled up around his body as it lay crumbled up on the ground, bloody raw hamburger meat for a face. Seeing that made me breath very deep and slow with my eyes closed. This is fine, it will pass. Why am I having to see this, what is happening to me? I had all these thoughts circle around in my mind as I tried to narrow it down to my current situation. I tried to be mindful and focus on my body and were I was.
After doing so, I noticed that I had feeling in my legs again. Without opening my eyes I picked a leg up. Suddenly filled with relief I tried not to react too quickly. It felt silent now. I once was filled with negative energy and now I suddenly feel... Calm...? I tend to question feelings as they change from one to the other quiet often. But After only a couple of seconds regaining feeling into my legs, I jolted my eyes opened as I inhaled deep and slow, I forced myself to look all over the room. By my surprise it was just an old empty hospital room again. You have got to be kidding me, I whipped around to the side of the bed and with all my strength ripped the bed rail right off with almost no effort. Inspecting it and stating to myself, "Yeah, that will do."
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