By: Madison Spurgeon
As I walked in the door of the building I inhabited for 180 days a year, I felt this sense of not belonging anymore, almost as if I was some freak people felt sympathy for. People kept coming up to me and giving me hugs, I would get choked up when I tried to talk to them and say thank you, so I said nothing. Then I heard the familiar ringing of the bell that prompted us to go to class.
I walked those long white miserable hallways as she once did before me, as my face grew wet and hot as it filled with tears. Every Time I looked up and saw the faces of my peers looking at me with an expression I’d only ever seen in movies, the kind of expressions that made you want to run away, the kind that told you the spotlight was all yours, however I didn't have it in me to make eye contact like the brave souls that played in those movies. I finally made it too the library to take the test that would determine my future grade and passing of my 11th year in school. My teacher looked at me with the same unimaginable expression on her face as those that lingered in the hall. She hugged me and said she was sorry, as I felt hot sorrow filled tears rolling down my already damp vulnerable face and I lost myself in the beating of her heart as I pressed my ear against her chest. I got a hold of myself and told her I was okay. My classmates that I had known for years didn’t even bother to say a word to me as I looked at them and smiled with a smirk that showed I was not okay.
My eyes drifted off from the expectation of getting an “I’m sorry” from the people I thought would always have my back. As I looked up I saw my nurse walking into the room as she made exact eye contact with me and me only, her pace increased as she approached and welcomed me to sit in her office if I wasn't up for my test, a sense of happiness fell over me as I unwillingly walked to her office. We sat there and talked as I informed her of some my newly founded nightmares. I figured I wasn’t up for the school thing so I called my mom to come get me. The pain of being back in school overwhelmed me even though at some point I would have to go back, I guess it was just too soon.
My nurse walked me out to my car because my mom didn't feel like getting out. Mrs.Yomans broke out in tears as her voice got crackly and she expressed her condolences for our family. We thanked her and told her everything was alright, and like that we were off. We didn't even get passed the stop sign to leave the school when my Mother said the sentence that makes everyone cringe “I told you so.”
I wanted to cry so bad, I wanted to shut down and never power back on. I felt all alone and broken. I never wanted to feel this way ever again. I made a promise to myself that I would be strong and never break down in front of no one. That I would be like a brick wall never penetrated. This decision made and broke me in some dire situations that were to come in life. No matter how bad I wanted to cry or ask for help, I never did. I became that brick wall and no one would penetrate me. As nightfall came I reminisced on everything that would come to make my life a living sad hell...
I was over at my friend Ally’s house, I was staying the night away from home even though she lived across the street. We had been outside on the porch talking for hours about the most random things imaginable. Something came over me and still to this day I cannot explain why, but it did. It was like a cloud of darkness that told me to go upstairs and check my phone. I hurried fast as heard my phone buzzing, it was my mom. I figured she was off work and wanted me to come home so I didn't answer. Then I saw she had called me three times, I felt my heart drop to the floor and It felt as though someone was cutting it up with scissors. I called back dreading any type of news I was fixing to hear, already trying to mentally prepare myself for it. I heard her sweet unraveling tone as she spoke “Hello baby, what are you doing?” I didn't even hesitate to try and go along with her innocent brigade she was trying to bring upon to soften the blow. “What's wrong Mom?” I asked. I hadn't mentally prepared myself for the five words that blasted off her tongue like a bullet into my heart. “Macy’s been in an accident.” Who knew five words could kill you? “I'm gonna pick you up in the alley be ready in ten minutes.
I ran downstairs like a madman with a look on my face as though I just saw an alien. “Hey what's wrong?” Said Ally. The words came rushing out my mouth like water going down a waterfall. “My sister has been in an accident, she's not doing good I have to leave.” And like that It hit me, it felt as though I had just been ran over by a stampede of bulls. I started running towards the alley and saw the bright lights of my Mom’s familiar black altima. A word was not spoken the whole ride over to my Aunt’s house but the fear and tension could not have been more thick and devastating. As we arrived my Grandma dashed out of the house like lightning, right after her was my Aunt Hope. They informed us of the current situation of our loved one. I however stayed behind with Macy’s three little brothers, River, Hunter, and Cotton. They were sound asleep in their beds not knowing that their sister was fighting for her life. I was exhausted from the events of the evening so I knocked out on the couch. I was woken by my ringing telephone “ring, ring, ring.” “Hello” I said in a groggy voice. “Get up! Macy is being airlifted to the Macon Hospital!” “Kindal is on her way to the house to get the boys so don’t wake them up.” “Knock! Knock!” “Come on! We have to go.” Mom said. We both sprinted towards the van and left to Macon where our beloved was fighting for two more seconds of her beautiful life. Nights and days seemed to pass like dreadful long like years. The pain and heartbreak felt throughout everyone was all so real, it felt like a dream I could not wake up from. Five days later my sister took her last breathe as she left us forever.