Where to begin ? I was here, on this big planet all by myself, existing like a frozen drop of afternoon rain in late autumn. I lived in a fog, passing next to my life as it was some kind of stranger. I didnt know myself, I couldnt feel my soul, my heart...Until I found it in writing.
Among lines of a small brown notebook I regained my sight...And saw my face, pure and clean, lighted up by future. There was no words of what I felt when my hand would touch the paper with a pen. It was my penance, my freedom... Sometimes I felt my heart bleeding over the paper, but I kept writing. The blood was my ink and a by each heartbeat I remembered, I saw my past mocking at me, loud and unpleasant.
...I regained my sight...And saw my face, pure and clean, lighted up by future..
My past lives in the dark chambers of my soul, buried deep inside all together with shame, fear and pain...They sit together at the big table in the dark and I dont know if they do that on purpose, but they stab me from the inside with bad memories. It took a long time until I sat with them and lead a conversation. When I finally stood in front of them I realised it was me who was feeding them, keeping them alive...
With each word written in a small brown notebook I was closer to myself and further away from my past. Eventually we said goodbye in peace, but crying. It was still a part of me for a long time, but it was time to let go...To forgive, primely to myself.
... it was time to let go...To forgive, primely to myself...
It was a difficult journey, but I still chase after the sun...And on my way I found little me, frozen and scared. I teach her hope, belief in a better tomorrow, because it comes indeed. With hand in hand, sunlit, we walk together. Sometimes we take shape of our pain, but we keep on walking, step by step, storm by storm, together.