My Cousin Dog
Man coming, saw an obituary poster and walked in to take a close look. He went closer and the face got more familiar and the neck of the person on the poster is wearing a familiar necklace too.
‘Nooo!’ He shouted and fainted on the lonely street.
For about twenty minutes, a woman who was passing by went close to the man lying lifeless on the ground and shouted for help. Her dog was trailing behind unknown to her as she left home. The dog went closer too and started sniffing at the man, licking his face while the woman’s busy shouting for help.
The lying man while still unconscious started saying, ‘Whisky, Whisky?’ The woman heard and ran back to him who is still saying Whisky with closed eyes until he finally opened his eyes and saw the woman’s dog in-front of him.
‘Oh Whisky, I thought you were dead.’ He said to the dog hugging it.
‘Hello Mr. He’s not dead and by the way he’s not Whisky. We thought you were dead lying unconscious on the street. And by the way Mr. what happened to you?’
The man sat up on the ground and started crying.
‘Come on talk to me, I can be of help to you, Mr.’ She kept questioning and placating and he kept crying harder and harder until she asked, ‘Who is Whisky?’ and he abruptly pointed at the poster on a pole beside a closed shop.
The dog on the poster has a golden chain round his neck
‘Oh I see, is it your dog?’
‘He’s my cousin.’ The man said. ‘I even bought him that chain he’s wearing.’ And he cried harder hugging the woman’s dog.
Later that day...
Mrs. Sele heard a crying voice in-front of her house and it was a familiar voice so she quickly went outside to see and met her husband standing at the door with a carton of gin and he’s singing a dirge.
‘Honey, what has happened, eh honey?’ She fretted and quickly unlocked for him.
He got inside and sat the carton of gin on the floor of his parlor and sat abreast the carton still singing the dirge as he brought out a poster from the carton of gin and gave it to his wife.
“You have left me without a word oh, you have left me without a word oh, oh my friend oh… what did I do wrong to you ooh?”
Husband, crying - ‘Whisky is dead.’
‘Honey, I’m I deaf? I cannot hear you.’ His wife requested.
‘Whisky is dead!
‘What do you mean?’
‘I saw this poster in-front of mama Tari’s shop so when I took a look.’ He resumed crying – ‘It was Whisky whose tongue was stuck outside in-between his friendly teeth while his right claw hanging in the air as if saying –‘Hi!’ he said again and brought out two bottles of gin from the carton and opened both of them once and sang his dirge again.
“You have left me without a word o, you have left me without a word o, o my friend oh… what did I do wrong to you ooh?”
His wife joined in the mourning.
The man took one bottle of gin in his left hand and another in his right hand he put them in his mouth at once, drinking from both bottles he brought them out and took a shower with the one in his left hand. His Mrs. did the same singing her own song.
‘They said he died two days ago.’ The husband said.
‘Who’s going to milk his puppies? What a world, ah, oh Whisky, dead? Heeeyyy!
‘Mama Tari said –’ the man continued his narration. – ‘That her neighbor called her for dinner and when she went she saw dog meat in the soup, which made her stop eating because Whisky is missing and now her neighbor is eating dog meat and even calling her for dinner for the first time.
She said she couldn’t even fight her neighbor friend but she went home and mourned and mourned until she decided Whisky deserved a worthy funeral so she took his photo to the printing press to design an obituary poster with the funeral fixed two weeks from now.’
‘Where are his relatives?’ the priest asked.
‘Here are his children.’
They brought down the puppies who are barking so fiercely the priest needed to adjust, backward, backward, until a sympathizer who was carrying a puppy threw the puppy because she was bitten and the puppy landed on the priest who then stumbled with fright into the newly dug dog sized grave.
And when the priest was held back to his stand he snorted that the embarrassment was too much for him to bear so the burial must not hold with him present.
So the priest left the premises with his crew ignoring the pleading and leaving Whisky’s family to finish the work.
Mr. Sele’s apartment.
Mr. Sele who was hurriedly preparing for Whisky’s funeral got stuck in front of the TV when he saw Whisky on it. He had snorted at his son Ebi who turned on the TV to re-turn it off because they were going out, but now Whisky’s on TV and was reported missing by the police on AIT channel. Whisky was wearing the necklace Mr. Sele bought him.
Mr. Sele got to the police station and claimed Whisky to be his cousin and the officer gave him some papers to sign and asked him few questions concerning the dog and he answered rightly but they still needed evidence. Another officer was ranting something like, ‘because you saw the dog on TV you want to come and claim it because you think there’s no owner anywhere.
You’ll drop five thousand naira before you leave here with that dog,’ he said nudging his colleague not to release the dog when Mr. Sele finally brought out Whisky’s pictures on his phone and a picture of the chain he bought him which he took a shot.
The second officer was still nudging his colleague to keep the dog because they might need it one day when there’s no meat in the soup and probably no fish too, but the first officer got more stubborn even as the second officer too got more serious over the issue.
Mr. Sele finally brought Whisky from the station to the funeral ground where the supposed dead Whisky is being buried. When they got there and were reunited they took Whisky to his supposed grave and he began laughing on seeing his picture standing on a grave written –
“Dicky Whisky (2015 - 2018)”
© 2018 Ebizimor Boloukie