Tim is a freelance writer, poet, artist and storyteller. He always tries to find and include lessons for everyone in his writing.
Peter Piper Had A Problem
Peter Piper had a problem. The Pickle Factory closed and he got laid off. Now he can no longer pick pecks of pickled peppers. In a lerch he heads off to the unemployment office.
“Yes sir, can I help you?”
“Yes, I just got laid off and want to open a claim.”
“A pickled pepper picker.”
“A what...please describe your job to me?”
“I picked pickled peppers by the peck full in order to ship them to customers.”
“Ok then, you’re in the wrong line. The pickled pepper picker line is over there.”
The Magazine Article
I plopped into a chair with my favorite magazine. Pen in hand I was ready to do battle with the weekly crossword puzzle. An article caught my eye, “20 Ways to leave your lover.” Hey, wasn’t that an old song? Anyway, the article was written by my ex girlfriend.
I opened the magazine to the page and started to glance through the article. Number 14 intrigued me, “Tell them you have an incurable illness and it is better for both of us if we break up now.” Wait, she used that line on me. To think I believed her.”
The smoke hung so thick in the library’s rafters Emily could read the words in it.
“Save yourself...get out now.”
Emily, looked at the words, choked on some smoke and headed for the nearest door. Someone or something blocked the door. It looked like the outline of a man but it had no true definition. She turned down another wing of the library. The door ahead slammed shut. The outline of the man was there again.
Emily headed back the way she had come. A widow next to her blew out. The smoke man pushed her to safety.
The sign says, “Best Pizza In Town.”
“Do you want to try it?”
“You know what I say, when on earth do as the earthlings do.”
“You never say that..”
“Can I help the next customer please.”
“Down here earthling.”
The attendant looked down.
“Hey we don’t get many little grey guys around here. You guys could use a tan.”
“Cut the chatter...we’ll take two of what you call slices.”
“Ok, I’ll put your order in...”
A few minutes later the pizza arrived. The aliens paid and sat down to eat.
“This is pretty good for earth food.”
“What’s this thing?”
I looked up. My wife was holding the strange figurine I’d bought at the antique store.
“Don’t really know. I found it in the antique store on 5th St. I thought it was unique so I bought it.”
“Must be an abstract art piece.” My wife said as she sat it back on the mantle. It flashed for a second and then went dark.
Just then there was a knock on the door. I opened the door and looked down. A little guy stood there.
“Greetings earthing...I want my statue or we go to war.”
The Magical Bookmark
The trouble started when I got a book out of the library. Inside the book was a bookmark marked with strange writing. I read the words. The next thing I knew I was in the world of the book.
I reread the words. I was back.
“Cool…” I tucked the bookmark back in the book. I rushed home to my room. I took the bookmark and put it in one of my books. Later after dinner I got the bookmark out and read the words again. Now I’m in a new world and I lost the bookmark.
The Blue Dog
Once there was a lonely blue dog named Alfred. He wandered the land looking for someone who would adopt a blue dog. Every house he’d walk up to the people would close their door. Till one day his luck changed. He found a girl lying next to a bike on the trail.
“Help me,” She said.
How, blue thought. He sniffed the ground and caught her scent. He sniffed and sniffed until he found a frantic woman. He looked at her and then back.
Finally she followed him and found her little girl. They took Alfred home with them.
Humpty Dumpty’s Fall
After Humpty Dumpty took his legendary fall his widow was approached by a lot of accident lawyers. Each one had a different angle to approach in placing the blame on the city.
One lawyer said, “the wall was built too narrow so he could not possibly have sat up there safely.”
The second lawyer said, “The wall was leaning a little too far so that is why Humpty fell to his demise.”
Then a third lawyer told her ,“The wall was not built to kingdom code so the builder was responsible.”
Afterwards Humpty's wife deemed it just an accident.
© 2020 Timothy Whitt