Made to Love
It is now, in the windy summer haze, that I find myself falling for him. On the cusp, barely breaching adulthood it occurs to me that a boy who never faced adversity as nice as he might have seemed is incomparable to the man who stands before me now. The one who has been with me since childhood, who has been mistreated, abused, neglected, depressed and through every other manner of suffering you could imagine, and yet he has risen above it all. Sometimes I wonder how I never noticed the bravery that stood before me in all its glory and selfless intentions. He is a work in progress, rather than an egotistical and domineering character inhibited perhaps most greatly by his own belief that he is a finished product.
I would contend that though our years of living are few in numbers, we have learned much more than many others older than we. And now, as I sit in the comforting stillness of the twilight hours, great powerful trees towering over me like majestic english soldiers set to guard me against the evils of the outside world, I discover something else. I find that I am the best version of myself when I am with someone who values the deeper things as I do.
This knowledge comes to me like the waves on the shore, lapping at my feet, the tide slowly rising to envelope me in its embrace and the crisp scent sinking into my skin. Before I know it, I am in the thick of it, the same way I’ve discovered I fall in love. Slowly, and without even realizing it until I am completely submerged. However, I digress. I suppose my intention was to ask myself, in the words of Charles Bukowski, “how is your heart?” I find that as I grow older this question becomes no less difficult to answer, no matter how much experience I gain, no matter how many trials I am able to surpass.
Today though, I would say that my answer is this. It is still beating. And that I believe is enough. Now though the future may still be uncertain, I feel as though I have been given a great gift: that of a renewed belief in the idea that some things are meant to be, and that sometimes our hardships are simply forging us into the people we are meant to become, that we may be all the better for the person we are made to love.
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© 2018 Marie Allred