I am a teacher of literature.I am interested in fiction and poetry particularly.
In the sadness
It was a cold foggy day. He was sitting on a bench under the tree. The fog was moving with the air, like smoke. The nearby river was unable to gain his attention. He was deeply lost in himself.
Sometimes in life when we get upset, we are even unaware of the reason but still we get lost in some world that never exists. Where there is only darkness. We are unable to find out the possible reason in that darkness. He was under the same situation, sitting there, trying to find out some reason.
Dry leaves were falling and many were scattered on the ground. He was staring at them, unconsciously. Another leaf detached from the branch swirled in the air and fell on the ground. That movement of leaf brought him out into consciousness and he went on observing that leaf. It seemed to him as if the leaf had lost its reason just like him. He perceived everything in aspect of his internal sadness. He was a human being after all.
Unaware of Autumn
He looked above to see the tree. He felt that the tree was very similar to him. As if he was that tree. And the leaves were his desires, covering him from all around. He had grown those leaves, providing them the water of hope. Being unaware that autumn would also come.
That tree had grown too extensive that its shadow had covered him completely. He was living under that shade.
Those leaves never allowed the sunlight of bitter reality to reach him.
Just like a prisoner who reacts weirdly when he gets an of jail. He was too much confused with the sudden exposure to that autumn that had dried all the leaves of his desires, roots of the tree.
He remembered the time when he had felt for the first time that he had lost something. So deep was that feeling and after too much denial, he at last surrendered before himself and he had to accept that he was in love. That feeling was strong that it made him feel and accept its existence. That feeling was stronger than him and thus conquered him.
He was lost in some kind of utopia, only where he could go against the reality and enjoy the desired moments. He desired to be with and to remain close to his beloved, always, and forever. He had not asked for anything else but just those unending moments where he could spend all the time with that loved one.
Every sign and clue he got about love through art, poetry, and other things brought to him the same meaning. Love had made him blind to see anything else. The wine of love had taken control of his senses.
He had loved without any reason, he even didn’t know the name of his beloved but still he wanted that unknown person. He had always felt the restlessness of his soul in the presence if those magical eyes, which attracted him powerfully.
But when the reality revealed and he found himself directly exposed to that sunlight; the intensity of light was unbearable to his eyes. It burnt all the leaves of his desires; they turned pale and at last detached with severe pain, hurting every part of the tree. For detachment is always killing. But he had to compromise with fate. As fighting against it would be useless. He knew that he would never be with his beloved. Desiring that anymore now would go to vain. It would be worthless to hope for that utopian world to change into reality.
Feelings, feelings, feelings…!, that was all that he felt and got. He started with it and ended with nothing in his hands except feelings…!
That journey of feelings started with love and ended with despair.
There are two kinds of people, “loved one” and “loving one”. Sitting under that tree he was again lost in himself, trying to remember those cries of his feelings, when stabbed by fate.
born to be hated and victimized by loneliness all the time, was there no one who loves him, who cares for him, who wants him, Want to remain close to him, who ignore his flaws, forget his mistakes, and remember him all the time. And above all, who love him without any reason. Who loves him unconditionally…!
A He was wondering if there would be anyone who loves him the same way too. Was just he warm teardrop slipped down his cheeks and he felt himself completely broken from inside. Every part of him was shedding tears in pain. He was deeply hurt……
Suddenly he felt something. As if he had got a clue as to if someone calling him. That force which always answered him whenever he was in need. He had always returned to that force and was granted relief. Like a child covering his face with his hands, he got up, weeping. His legs trembled and he could no longer stand. He fell on his knees and touched his head to the ground, in the act of prostration, and that ultimately brought him the feeling that he was no more alone. As if someone was listening to him. Watching him and feeling his feelings. As if he was very close to someone, loving. Close to someone who cares for him and does not expect him to be perfect to be loved. And above all, who love him without any reason.
Recognition of Love
The flashbacks of his past helped him determine that loving being whom presence he was feeling. The past repeated itself before his eyes. Presented before him all those moments when he was awarded and rewarded by the blessings. When he was in difficulty and was blessed with the best solution. When he was struggling and blessed with destiny. When his thirst was relieved with water. And at every stage, I was highly blessed. “What was that?” he asked himself, and his heart answered, “That was the unconditional love”. Just he, himself was badly lost in his world and people around him that he couldn’t realize that love which came to him in many ways.
Value of Love
He was now sobbing. He had just did love once, a person. And had stopped, when found that, that person can no longer stay in his life. But what’s it? Why God was showing his love and blessings when I never thanked Him. Why he still loves me the same way? And again he got the answer from his heart, “Because It’s the unconditional love….!
He raised his head and again went into prostration before God and thanked the Lord for His blessing and love. For now he had understood the value of love.
He then got up with a smile and his face was glowing with tears. But these were the tears of happiness. He was feeling himself valuable after realizing himself to be the loved one.
He looked around; the beautiful autumn colors had taken place of that pale and dead environment. Nature had filled his surrounding with beautiful saffron shades. The leaves falling in the pathway had carpeted and decorated it. The nearby river was adding the melody to the environment and the swirling leaves were presenting dance with its rhythm. Love was in the air….!
He was feeling that love. It seemed to him as if the Lord had decorated the whole environment for him, to show him, His love.
The feelings of despair transformed into love again. And he was inhaling every part of it. He started walking back to the path, with the brightness of pleasure and victory on his face, as if he had discovered for him, the treasure of “UNCONDITIONAL LOVE”.
© 2020 shahid mahmood