Jean teaches astrology, tarot & metaphysics. She is an author, ordained nondenominational minister, & member of the NJ Metaphysical Ctr.
Lovers Who Were Together Before
She should have just told him everything right from the start. Yet even as her heart was telling her this, her mind already drew up an impressive list of rationalizations. And were they ever creative! She moved through the next weeks in a fog, as if some other power had completely taken over her life. She acted fast, before she had too much time to think about it. She never told another soul. Was there pain? Years later, when she dared to think about that period with distance, the sorrow and pain were still so overwhelming that she wondered how she even made the decision while so young. God, how she loved him! Yet she gave him so many chances, and he blew them all. She may as well have given him her heart on a silver platter. Throw in the soul too.
An Unexpected Twist
Lilly met Liam one afternoon while she was out bowling with her girlfriends. He and some of his friends began playing at the next lane, and the two groups soon had a friendly conversation and competition going. Lilly knew Liam was special the minute she laid eyes on him. He had curly red hair, laughing gray eyes, and the personality of a natural leader. Those eyes always seemed like they could look right through her. But it was more than that. She felt a connection with him that a fifteen year old girl does not yet quite understand. Now she would say she knew him in another life. But at that age Lilly did not have a grasp of such things.
He always treated her like she was so fragile, made her feel beautiful. Her best friend Sherry was there too, they lived only two blocks away from each other. When it was time for the girls to head for home, Liam and his friend Russell offered to walk the girls home. How quaint. People actually walked back then. It was about three miles, so they had time to talk and joke, and all seemed to click together. When the guys left the girls at Lilly’s house, they discussed them endlessly. But there was already a problem. Both of them liked Liam. It was unclear if they would all ever see each other again, although they made tentative plans to, so Lilly tried to put Liam out of her mind.
The guys were true to their word, and they came back. There were no cell phones then, so young people who wanted to date got to know each other pretty well before they would take the chance of calling you and getting one of your parents on the line. Then the jig was up, and the parents would want facts, like who is going with who, and where, and what time will you be home? It was best to avoid all that until it had to be faced.
One night when they all came home from a movie, Liam took Lilly aside to ask her something. Her heart almost stopped. He likes me as much as I like him, she told herself. But to her horror, he said, “I really like Sherry, do you think she would go out with me?” And sadly, Lilly knew Sherry would. She did not want to hurt her best friend, but she felt like she wanted to die. She promised to relate this info to Sherry, and she did. So Sherry and Liam went out for a few weeks, and Lilly and Russell accompanied them as part of the foursome.
Lovers Work out Problems in Different Lifetimes
As weeks passed and the four of them were hanging out, Lilly and Liam kept flirting like mad, and it was becoming obvious they were the ones who "got" each other's humor. Even if they touched hands while passing each other, it was as if they got an electric shock. When Lilly looked into his eyes, she felt like she had done that so many times before. It was starting to feel like torture. Sherry and Russell were pissed off, but too bad.
Everyone decided they were hungry, so they stopped at a diner to eat. That was when Liam asked once again to speak privately with Lilly, so they sat at a booth by themselves for a bit, the other two giving each other WTF? looks. The jukebox was playing Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Goin’ On?” Liam did not mince words, only took Lilly’s hand, and said, “I picked the wrong one, didn’t I? How could I make such a mistake?” People who knew each other in a past life make plans and tell each other how they will find each other in the next incarnation, but sometimes make a mistake like this. Lilly’s heart felt like it would jump out of her chest, although she did feel guilty about Sherry. Not guilty enough to pretend anymore though. But it was a strong friendship, one that lasted many years. Most women will tell you few of their friendships end over a man (or in this case, a boy, at least at this time).
Lilly brought Liam home for tea, because it was freezing outside. He said, “I feel like we did this before. It’s so old-fashioned, you making tea and cookies for me.” Apparently nobody ever did much to take care of him. He wasn’t living at home, which Lilly later found was a public assistance complex, complete with roaches, crime, and a highly dysfunctional family. Soon it was time for him to leave, and he had to catch a bus. But he missed it (on purpose, he later said).
Lilly was ecstatically in love, but her parents took an instant dislike to Liam. When they found out he was from "that town", and on probation, they forbid her to see him again. Liam had 7 siblings. At first Lilly kept telling Liam to go back home, it was safer, but it finally sunk in that his home life was nothing like the one she experienced. Lilly felt her parents were being prejudiced, unreasonable, and mean, saying, “People have problems, you shouldn’t judge them. Sometimes people get in trouble when nobody cares about them.”
When parents forbid teens to see someone, they only become more determined to disobey. Maybe the fact Lilly’s parents opposed their being together is the reason why she saw Liam on and off for four years, making the forbidden more exciting. But she just couldn’t stay away, and neither could he. Thus began the long period of Lilly's growing up to adulthood, and her strange love life, managed with much difficulty.
Time passed, Lilly graduated from HS and went to work. She loved her job and being more independent, buying and owning her own car, eating out at nice restuarants. She was a social creature, and loved concerts in Central Park, long hikes at the Delaware Water Gap, lazy weekends at the Jersey Shore, and going to parties. Lilly went on with her life, but Liam continued to be a big part of it. Her parent’s position on him never changed though, so she saw him in secret. He kept getting in trouble though. Lilly went out with other guys too, partly because she liked to go out, but being tied down to a guy she wasn't allowed to see added so much stress. And after all, being human, she did feel attractions towards others.The situation was so emotionally confusing.
By now Liam was fed up with the situation, and would leave Lilly, but then she would start to see someone else, and he would come back into her life. She assured him she was wasn't getting serious about anyone, just waiting until she could afford to move out of her parent’s house. But secretly she was scared that he kept getting in trouble, he was even in jail for a period. She was maturing, why wasn't he? But even then, the thought of not seeing him would break her heart.
Sometimes late at night after she came home, he would sit outside her bedroom window and they would talk all night. They saw each other whenever they could. Lilly never felt safer or more at home than when she was in Liam’s arms. It felt like it was always meant to be that way. He was angry that she would not stand up to her parents, although she did so several times. But she continued to have doubts about Liam. Why couldn’t he hold onto a job? He was older than her, why wasn't he making more of a life for himself? She often paid when they went out too. His jealously about her activities when she went out bothered her. She knew he was not sitting around like a monk when she wasn’t with him.
A Psychic Vision Makes it all Clear
One night when Lilly was out at a bar with the girls, a really cute and well-mannered guy struck up a conversation with her. Although she didn’t know him, she knew some of the crowd he was with then. He was smart, polite, and thankfully had a car, because somewhere along the way that night her girlfriends left her stranded at the bar! So when he drove her home, his goodnight kiss really made an impression. She continued to see him, but kept it going slowly, because of Liam.
But Liam was not maturing, and this new guy was dependable. If he said he would pick her up at 8 PM, that wasn't 8:05. He sent her roses for her birthday, six weeks later, with a note apologizing that he wanted to plant a rose bush instead, so it could grow with their relationship. It was hard for Lilly to believe someone else cared about her so much, when she wasn't even giving him all her attention. But low maintenance was nice after Liam, and the parents were even cool about this guy. Finally, Lilly broke it off with Liam, and that marked the beginning of the end. But since they had broken up and made up so many times before, he didn't take it seriously, and would often be waiting under her bedroom window to talk,or walk out of the bushes surrounding her house after the new guy dropped her off and left.
Everything got even more confusing after that. Liam knew about the other guy, but Lilly didn't want to confess up about Liam to the new guy. She liked him a lot, but it was so hard to let Liam go. The new relationship began as friendship, and progressed really slowly, but she had lots in common with this other guy.. Finally Lilly concluded that she and Liam were never going to have a normal life together. Liam came to see her one day at work and had her paged to the lobby (he was always dramatic) and said he was going to CA. Lilly was sad, but Liam’s mind seemed made up, and she never dreamed this would be the last time she would ever see him in the flesh.
Time kept passing, and eventually Lilly married the nice guy who treated her so well, had a family, and moved on with her life. She wondered about Liam every now and then, because she really did love him. Friends never had news of him, though sometimes she thought she spotted him in a crowd, only to find it was someone else.
It is said that on Halloween Eve, the veil between life and death is the thinnest, so if you want to contact a departed soul, this is the time to do it. Lilly and Liam had unfinished business. He appeared at her bedside one Halloween Eve, smiling at her. Lilly felt confused, unsure if she was awake or dreaming. He told her he always loved her, not only “this time around.” That he was sorry for the times he hurt her and left her. She was crying, and began to tell him what she did. But he put his finger to her lips, and said, “None of it matters. I forgive you. I always loved you, I always will, and I knew anyway. I always trusted your judgment, and respected you.” When she awoke the next morning, she realized what she experienced was the first of what would become a talent (or curse) for seeing psychic visions.
A few weeks later, Sherry’s Mom called Lilly to say a man left a letter which looked very old with her, and could she get it to Lilly? Sherry had passed on. When Lilly read the letter, it was written about thirty five years before, but it said the same thing Liam said on that Halloween Eve at her bedside. It was such a comfort to Lilly that she finally was able to "see" Liam one last time, to reflect on their love, to be able to touch each other once again, and finally lay the relationship they had in this lifetime to rest.
© 2011 Jean Bakula