Jean teaches astrology, tarot & metaphysics. She is an author, ordained nondenominational minister, & member of the NJ Metaphysical Ctr.
Lovers Who Were Together Before
She should have just told him everything right from the start. Yet even as her heart was telling her this, her mind already drew up an impressive list of rationalizations. And were they ever creative! She moved through the next weeks in a fog, as if some other power had completely taken over her life. She acted fast, before she had too much time to think about it. She never told another soul. Was there pain? Years later, when she dared to think about that period with distance, the sorrow and pain were still so overwhelming that she wondered how she even made the decision while so young. God, how she loved him! Yet she gave him so many chances, and he blew them all. She may as well have given him her heart on a silver platter. Throw in the soul too.
An Unexpected Twist
Lilly met Liam one afternoon while she was out bowling with her girlfriends. He and some of his friends began playing at the next lane, and the two groups soon had a friendly conversation and competition going. Lilly knew Liam was special the minute she laid eyes on him. He had curly red hair, laughing gray eyes, and the personality of a natural leader. Those eyes always seemed like they could look right through her. But it was more than that. She felt a connection with him that a fifteen year old girl does not yet quite understand. Now she would say she knew him in another life. But at that age Lilly did not have a grasp of such things.
He always treated her like she was so fragile, made her feel beautiful. Her best friend Sherry was there too, they lived only two blocks away from each other. When it was time for the girls to head for home, Liam and his friend Russell offered to walk the girls home. How quaint. People actually walked back then. It was about three miles, so they had time to talk and joke, and all seemed to click together. When the guys left the girls at Lilly’s house, they discussed them endlessly. But there was already a problem. Both of them liked Liam. It was unclear if they would all ever see each other again, although they made tentative plans to, so Lilly tried to put Liam out of her mind.
The guys were true to their word, and they came back. There were no cell phones then, so young people who wanted to date got to know each other pretty well before they would take the chance of calling you and getting one of your parents on the line. Then the jig was up, and the parents would want facts, like who is going with who, and where, and what time will you be home? It was best to avoid all that until it had to be faced.
One night when they all came home from a movie, Liam took Lilly aside to ask her something. Her heart almost stopped. He likes me as much as I like him, she told herself. But to her horror, he said, “I really like Sherry, do you think she would go out with me?” And sadly, Lilly knew Sherry would. She did not want to hurt her best friend, but she felt like she wanted to die. She promised to relate this info to Sherry, and she did. So Sherry and Liam went out for a few weeks, and Lilly and Russell accompanied them as part of the foursome.
Lovers Work out Problems in Different Lifetimes
As weeks passed and the four of them were hanging out, Lilly and Liam kept flirting like mad, and it was becoming obvious they were the ones who "got" each other's humor. Even if they touched hands while passing each other, it was as if they got an electric shock. When Lilly looked into his eyes, she felt like she had done that so many times before. It was starting to feel like torture. Sherry and Russell were pissed off, but too bad.
Everyone decided they were hungry, so they stopped at a diner to eat. That was when Liam asked once again to speak privately with Lilly, so they sat at a booth by themselves for a bit, the other two giving each other WTF? looks. The jukebox was playing Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Goin’ On?” Liam did not mince words, only took Lilly’s hand, and said, “I picked the wrong one, didn’t I? How could I make such a mistake?” People who knew each other in a past life make plans and tell each other how they will find each other in the next incarnation, but sometimes make a mistake like this. Lilly’s heart felt like it would jump out of her chest, although she did feel guilty about Sherry. Not guilty enough to pretend anymore though. But it was a strong friendship, one that lasted many years. Most women will tell you few of their friendships end over a man (or in this case, a boy, at least at this time).
Lilly brought Liam home for tea, because it was freezing outside. He said, “I feel like we did this before. It’s so old-fashioned, you making tea and cookies for me.” Apparently nobody ever did much to take care of him. He wasn’t living at home, which Lilly later found was a public assistance complex, complete with roaches, crime, and a highly dysfunctional family. Soon it was time for him to leave, and he had to catch a bus. But he missed it (on purpose, he later said).
Lilly was ecstatically in love, but her parents took an instant dislike to Liam. When they found out he was from "that town", and on probation, they forbid her to see him again. Liam had 7 siblings. At first Lilly kept telling Liam to go back home, it was safer, but it finally sunk in that his home life was nothing like the one she experienced. Lilly felt her parents were being prejudiced, unreasonable, and mean, saying, “People have problems, you shouldn’t judge them. Sometimes people get in trouble when nobody cares about them.”
When parents forbid teens to see someone, they only become more determined to disobey. Maybe the fact Lilly’s parents opposed their being together is the reason why she saw Liam on and off for four years, making the forbidden more exciting. But she just couldn’t stay away, and neither could he. Thus began the long period of Lilly's growing up to adulthood, and her strange love life, managed with much difficulty.
Time passed, Lilly graduated from HS and went to work. She loved her job and being more independent, buying and owning her own car, eating out at nice restuarants. She was a social creature, and loved concerts in Central Park, long hikes at the Delaware Water Gap, lazy weekends at the Jersey Shore, and going to parties. Lilly went on with her life, but Liam continued to be a big part of it. Her parent’s position on him never changed though, so she saw him in secret. He kept getting in trouble though. Lilly went out with other guys too, partly because she liked to go out, but being tied down to a guy she wasn't allowed to see added so much stress. And after all, being human, she did feel attractions towards others.The situation was so emotionally confusing.
By now Liam was fed up with the situation, and would leave Lilly, but then she would start to see someone else, and he would come back into her life. She assured him she was wasn't getting serious about anyone, just waiting until she could afford to move out of her parent’s house. But secretly she was scared that he kept getting in trouble, he was even in jail for a period. She was maturing, why wasn't he? But even then, the thought of not seeing him would break her heart.
Sometimes late at night after she came home, he would sit outside her bedroom window and they would talk all night. They saw each other whenever they could. Lilly never felt safer or more at home than when she was in Liam’s arms. It felt like it was always meant to be that way. He was angry that she would not stand up to her parents, although she did so several times. But she continued to have doubts about Liam. Why couldn’t he hold onto a job? He was older than her, why wasn't he making more of a life for himself? She often paid when they went out too. His jealously about her activities when she went out bothered her. She knew he was not sitting around like a monk when she wasn’t with him.
A Psychic Vision Makes it all Clear
One night when Lilly was out at a bar with the girls, a really cute and well-mannered guy struck up a conversation with her. Although she didn’t know him, she knew some of the crowd he was with then. He was smart, polite, and thankfully had a car, because somewhere along the way that night her girlfriends left her stranded at the bar! So when he drove her home, his goodnight kiss really made an impression. She continued to see him, but kept it going slowly, because of Liam.
But Liam was not maturing, and this new guy was dependable. If he said he would pick her up at 8 PM, that wasn't 8:05. He sent her roses for her birthday, six weeks later, with a note apologizing that he wanted to plant a rose bush instead, so it could grow with their relationship. It was hard for Lilly to believe someone else cared about her so much, when she wasn't even giving him all her attention. But low maintenance was nice after Liam, and the parents were even cool about this guy. Finally, Lilly broke it off with Liam, and that marked the beginning of the end. But since they had broken up and made up so many times before, he didn't take it seriously, and would often be waiting under her bedroom window to talk,or walk out of the bushes surrounding her house after the new guy dropped her off and left.
Everything got even more confusing after that. Liam knew about the other guy, but Lilly didn't want to confess up about Liam to the new guy. She liked him a lot, but it was so hard to let Liam go. The new relationship began as friendship, and progressed really slowly, but she had lots in common with this other guy.. Finally Lilly concluded that she and Liam were never going to have a normal life together. Liam came to see her one day at work and had her paged to the lobby (he was always dramatic) and said he was going to CA. Lilly was sad, but Liam’s mind seemed made up, and she never dreamed this would be the last time she would ever see him in the flesh.
Time kept passing, and eventually Lilly married the nice guy who treated her so well, had a family, and moved on with her life. She wondered about Liam every now and then, because she really did love him. Friends never had news of him, though sometimes she thought she spotted him in a crowd, only to find it was someone else.
It is said that on Halloween Eve, the veil between life and death is the thinnest, so if you want to contact a departed soul, this is the time to do it. Lilly and Liam had unfinished business. He appeared at her bedside one Halloween Eve, smiling at her. Lilly felt confused, unsure if she was awake or dreaming. He told her he always loved her, not only “this time around.” That he was sorry for the times he hurt her and left her. She was crying, and began to tell him what she did. But he put his finger to her lips, and said, “None of it matters. I forgive you. I always loved you, I always will, and I knew anyway. I always trusted your judgment, and respected you.” When she awoke the next morning, she realized what she experienced was the first of what would become a talent (or curse) for seeing psychic visions.
A few weeks later, Sherry’s Mom called Lilly to say a man left a letter which looked very old with her, and could she get it to Lilly? Sherry had passed on. When Lilly read the letter, it was written about thirty five years before, but it said the same thing Liam said on that Halloween Eve at her bedside. It was such a comfort to Lilly that she finally was able to "see" Liam one last time, to reflect on their love, to be able to touch each other once again, and finally lay the relationship they had in this lifetime to rest.
© 2011 Jean Bakula
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on August 08, 2018:
I totally understand. I've been there. I wrote it as fiction, but it really happened. I had visions before that when I was awake, but that one really shook me. I came to believe that sometimes the time just isn't right. I felt sure I was with him before and also felt that way about my husband. Thanks for reading my work and I will get to that translation, I've been so busy with all these questions since the site added this section, and I am a freelance writer, I need to write and am on a time schedule.
Simarae on August 08, 2018:
Reading this made me tears-eyed. Feels like something I'm going through now. At that crossroad. It's so hard to imagine a life without him, but in reality, it's not the life I want to live.
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on January 07, 2018:
I am somewhat psychic, clairsentient. But I just started having lucid dreams a few months ago. There is a lot of emotional stuff in my life going on right now, and it has to do with the past. Actually the future too, the present in like a waiting room. My Scorpio son has always had lucid dreams, so the first time I described it to him, he said, "That's it!" I was talking to my Mom (who passed in 1995), and I think I was in an accident, and she kept waking me up to be sure I didn't have a concussion. But I was aware it was a dream. I kept waking up, but wear carpal tunnel braces on my hands sometimes at night, and they get hot, so each time I blacked out in what seemed like the dream, I fell back to sleep after taking off or adjusting the braces. Both my conversation with her and brace issue seemed like they were happening at the same time, and I kept waking up and going to sleep in both the real time and the dream.
He also has sleep paralysis, where it feels like he can't get up. He's not scared of it anymore, since he grew up in a metaphysical household and we are all up on things like this.
I hope your dreams are pleasant!
Dabby Lyric on January 05, 2018:
Funny that you mentioned lucid dreams because I have them too. It happens very seldomly-very strange. In mine, I start changing various elements of the dream like my dialouge, scenery, clothes etc.
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on January 04, 2018:
Thanks Dabby. I have lucid dreams where you know you are dreaming, but can't change it. I am also clairsentient, which gives me some very odd experiences. You take care too.
Dabby Lyric on December 28, 2017:
Anything is possible in this life.
You take care.
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on December 28, 2017:
Thank you Dabby. I wrote that as fiction, but it really was about me, I was Lilly. I was from 15-19. I made the right choice though, I was married to the guy I met next for 34 yrs. Take care and all the best. Jean
Dabby Lyric on December 27, 2017:
Wow, what an emotionally roller coaster that was! However, Lilly did the right thing! Sometimes Love just isn't enough and you have to let it go and move on. God, it has to hurt like nobody's business but if what/who you love is hurting you, you gotta let it go for better!
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on April 24, 2015:
Thank you Audrey, I always love hearing from you. My son and are getting through the process together. He's got a teaching job in 1st grade and loves it. I am teaching too, Tarot and Astrology, in a classroom setting at a Healing Center that caters to Mind, Body, Spirit. So what I needed came to me at the right time. We still have hard days, but mixed with good ones. Bright blessings.
Audrey Selig from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma on April 23, 2015:
Hi Jean What a lovely story. I have never read one of your stories like this one. It sure is popular, judging from all the responses. This is a love story like no other, and could be a movie that would be so thrilling. I hope you and your son are doing well. It is so great to connect with you on HP. Pinning. Blessings, Audrey
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on April 23, 2015:
I have had a lot of psychic experiences in my life. Since it was so many years later with this one, it didn't scare me, I'm sort of used to it. I started having "visions" and things when I was about 25, and it's beginning to happen to my son as well, at the same age. He's very psychic too, I'm an astrologer and tarot card reader. Sometimes I see faint outlines of entities around people after I meditate, but I believe either you have that gift, or need a lot of training. I am taking courses to learn how to best develop it. Take care and thanks for reading.
Consolacion Miravite from Philippines on April 22, 2015:
Spooky! It's so out of this world that it gave me goose bumps. There are many things in this world that we can't still explain. The concept of reincarnation is one. Very interesting!
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on April 27, 2013:
Thank you Ayu. You aren't the first person to tell me that, I often hear it when I read tarot. But it's nice just the same!
ayu on April 27, 2013:
what a beautiful story...feeling a comfort to read from you, always brings such healing powers to my life :)
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on February 28, 2013:
I know people don't believe, but I do, and I'm glad you do too!
Tranquilheart from Canada on February 28, 2013:
I met my soulmate but we couldn't stay together, we don't make good domestic partners but I know in my heart that we have an eternal bond that transcends time & reason ...yeah, all that hockey baloney stuff... I know it's all true
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on February 12, 2013:
I think so. My husband and I "clicked" and felt so comfortable together as soon as we met, later we came to believe we had been together before. We just hadn't studied Metaphysics yet when we met.
Bradley Kaye from Lewiston, New York on February 11, 2013:
hmm..exactly, I think there are metaphysical realms beyond what we sense! Sometimes the connections are impossible to break, if you are meant to be with this person, it will happen. After a few moments with the woman who would eventually become my wife, I knew we'd be together our entire lives! It just clicked, some people are lucky I guess.
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on February 11, 2013:
I can't wait to get to your story! I never thought I would never see my first love again, but it really was in a vision. I had a similar one this summer. I have a brother who is a drug addict and bi-polar to boot, and got incorrect info that he had died. He lives on the other side of the country, and I was frantically upset. I walked into a room, and our Mother was standing there, telling me she "was with me." Odd, since she had passed on 15 yrs. before. Love seems to have no boundaries of time.
Bradley Kaye from Lewiston, New York on February 11, 2013:
thanks, this is so true! I just posted a story about how I met my wife, and it outlines certain timeless qualities. Thanks for posting this, love is what sustains us, because it gives us transcendence over the suffering in this world. All the best!
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on April 23, 2012:
Thank you for reading. It does seem many people have had similar experiences.
buddhaanalysis on April 23, 2012:
it's an amazing story and surprising that this story is common in most.
i liked this story very much.most of us will find that it's there own story.
Sky9106 from A beautiful place on earth. on November 23, 2011:
Bless have a wonderful .
Always great throughout like when you know you made the correct decision. In most cases as you or old as we may be do you know we actually always know .
Life never make anyone fail before they succeed, Not life other entities mabye but not life. It's a difficult one to take but that's one of the proofs. The truthful answer to my statement.
Here is a good true one for you, let truth prevail-every time am about to say your name, I am tempted to write
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on November 23, 2011:
It was a difficult time, and I did not want to hide this boy/man from my parents. In the end I couldn't bring myself to marry someone who they disliked so much. It was the right decision, I have a chronic back problem and as the years went on, he would not have been mature enough to handle the pressures that came with it. But I married the "other" guy, and we have a wonderful son who is going to be a teacher. Bless you too. I don't know if you celebrate Thanksgiving, our son is a vegetarian and we have little family left, so are having a vegetarian meal for our Thanksgiving dinner. Be well, and thank you for your comments.
Sky9106 from A beautiful place on earth. on November 23, 2011:
You had to be very careful who you spoke to much less who you bought home and "IF" you had a phone in the house, be careful who calls.
Nice story, give thanks and thanks for sharing.
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on November 03, 2011:
You never fail to surprise me. You show up on hubs where I wouldn't expect you! Thanks for reading, I have all kinds of supernatural interests!
John Sarkis from Winter Haven, FL on November 03, 2011:
Very well written. I enjoyed it much, it was interesting. Again, I'm finding out new things with astrology and, the supernatural as a whole that I wasn't aware of were happening before....
Take care of yourself
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on October 24, 2011:
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, acaetnna! The story has been on my mind for years, and it felt good to look at it from a different perspective, being older and I hope, somewhat wiser.
acaetnna from Guildford on October 24, 2011:
Love transcends past, present and future and this love story is so amazing.
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on October 17, 2011:
I know what a romantic you are and knew you would find this one! I think once we love it never dies, and I say it in the exact words, "Circumstances get in the way."
NikiiLeeReyes on October 17, 2011:
this is beautiful!
You truly shine bright!
I love this!
Maybe because I believe in things like that.
Lovers who shared past lives with each other.
Thriving to be with each other;;
But circumstances get in the way.
But they always find eachother--
They'll always keep trying....
Oh my this is Beautiful!
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on October 10, 2011:
Hi, I'm not on FB, but feel free to connect me through here, and they'll put you thru, and we'll have each other's addresses. I noticed yesterday there's a movie out with this name, so it's way back on Google. I have to change the name. Talk soon. Jean
SEM Pro from North America on October 10, 2011:
Many great suggestions Jean - thanks! Neale Donald Walsch says: "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." I'll see great strides coming for your rough patch - despite the discomfort. Are you on fb? Would love to connect, we seem to have much in common - url on my profile if mutual.
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on October 09, 2011:
Hello SEM Pro,
Thanks for your kind comments. As you guessed, much of the story really happened. I felt that pull the minute I met him, but we broke up so many times as years went on, I didn't think I'd never see him again the last time he left. The experience at the end is real too, a little more to it, but I know what happened. I felt similar when I met my husband, the "other guy" in the story. He was always so easy to be with, we were so comfortable, never had to put on that "act" like people do when they first date. But now we are having a hard patch. I believe in soul groups, Robert Schwartz has a great book, Your Soul's Plan. And from my metaphysics classes, I know we have "conferences" with guides in between incarnations, to decide what situations we need to grow. So I figure this patch with my husband was planned and I have to ride it out now, or I'll have to come back and do it again! Threads by Nell Gavin is great too. Anne Boleyn has been with Henry VIII through many lifetimes, and must forgive him for her beheading! Best book I've read in ages. Take care and thanks for understanding!
SEM Pro from North America on October 09, 2011:
The story makes a lot of sense Jean - and written so beautifully!
I do believe in soul partners - people we instantly click with - that we've shared past lives with. It explains so much of what happens in this life yet it is, more often than not, difficult to even discuss with the other person. Without doubt in the way, anything unresolved can leap into awareness instantly - a picture, a feeling, a lifetime... From my experience, once seen, resolving any unfinished business can be as quick as a decision to do so too, yet there's an enormous pull to want the other to know it as deeply as we do. Perhaps acceptance plays a huge part?
As you said, "now she would say..." It's our decision not to stay stuck - to understand - to know - to keep growing in awareness. "Through the eyes of a friend we see the signs or our own maturity". Maybe their stubborn unwillingness to change helps us more than we realize?
Have you ever read "Sacred Contracts" by Carolyn Myss? She says before we return, we contract with others to help us see certain lessons in order to fulfill the purpose we came to achieve. A girlfriend and I used to joke about how "on contract" our fathers were in their not accepting us - until we finally learned to not need any man's approval to feel worthy. Interesting concept.
Enjoyed your story thoroughly! Thanks for sharing :)
Jean Bakula (author) from New Jersey on September 30, 2011:
Thank you for your comments and I'm glad it makes sense. It's my first fiction piece, although I had a similar love affair with someone when really young, and the ending part did happen to me regarding him, many years later. I was glad to get resolution, and it was as you describe. I put the story in the time frame when I was growing up, it seems people got involved much more slowly. I wasn't sure if the story made sense to anyone else!
lyndapringle on September 29, 2011:
I loved this so much. This truly is a story about love that transcends time and death. If one believes in reincarnation then I suppose that "kismet" that one feels with another at first sight is that continuation of the relationship left behind from a prior life. I've only had that kismet once and it felt as if I had known this man forever. We both were very intuitive about one another and it was as if we had snapshots on our foreheads allowing each of us to deduce one another's thoughts. Unfortunately, we belonged to others in this lifetime but it was an unusual experience to have experienced such passion and intuition about a man who I barely knew in this lifetime. I hope to meet up with him again although platonically.