Letter FROM An Ex-Husband
This letter is in response to Letter to An Ex-Husband. Please read that letter first.
My Dearest Ex-Wife,
No, I did not throw your letter in the trash. I read it word for word several times. I wept when I realized how much pain and agony I caused you. I remember having done those things, but when I read them in print, it seems like you were talking about somebody else instead of about you and me.
I did value our marriage vows at the time we made them. Somehow I got off track. I saw how you were advancing in your career even though you were taking care of our two beautiful minor children. I didn't know how you did it all, but you did. Instead of complimenting you for it, I lashed out at you in the most horrible ways I could.
I played with your mind. I tried to confuse you by calling you insecure. That was an insecure act on my part to post all those notes around the house with one big word on them that said INSECURE. You must have been devastated to have found so many of them. I made sure I put them where you would see them. They were all over the house, on the bathroom mirror, in the refrigerator, in the silverware drawer and then in your pillowcase when you laid down at night after a long day.
As far as not helping you the night you fell when we were going to our son's school for a PTA meeting, I am truly sorry. I thought you were faking the fall just so I could touch you and pick you up. When I saw the bandage on your ankle and you had to be out of work for three days, I knew you were not pretending. Forgive me. Your ankle has healed, but I'm sure you will remember how I humiliated you in front of other parents that night.
I am sorry for so many things, things you knew about and some things you will never know about. I now realize I had a good thing then, but I chose to give it all up. Even if we weren't getting along well, I wish now we could have settled it in a much more amicable way.
I apologize for all the mean things I did to you. I wish now I had spared you all the hurts, pains, shame, and humiliation. I turned our mutual friends against you. I almost turned our children against you. I apologize for the things I did. Please forgive me.
I believe I am being punished for the way I treated you because my second marriage is just the reverse of my first one with you. What I did to you, my wife is now doing to me. I guess it is right that "what goes around comes around." I deserve what I am now getting. I brought this on myself. I feel so horrible inside. I can't get any inner peace.
I need for you to forgive me.
I need for God to forgive me.
And I need to forgive myself.
I am not happy in my second marriage. There is no pleasure in my home; in or out of bed. I think that has a lot to do with the way I treated you.
I see that you didn't remarry. Was it because of the way I treated you? Will you always think in the back of your mind that divorce could happen again? Please know that all men are not like I am. There is one out there for you. Also, know that I didn't divorce you because you didn't love me. I divorced you because you loved me too much. You went out of your way to please me, but I couldn't see it at the time. And as macho as I appeared to be, I didn't know how to handle that type of love. Now I miss it. Oh, how I miss it. We can't turn back the hands of time, but if I had it to do all over again, I would not have been so hasty to give up on you and our marriage. I thought I would get something better. I gambled and lost.
Pray for me that I will be able to find peace. I need to feel peace inside because I am so tormented and haunted by the foolish choice I made.
Your Foolish Ex-Husband