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500,000 Miles Closer

I am a wondering stranger all alone. I am a million miles away. I know you're waiting for me to come home again, but I am searching for an answer... Please try to understand. Please try to understand.

Life as we know is not really how life appears to me. My basis, may differ from my peers this may come to a shock to people in their wonder years, as we grow older we know perception is reality as beauty is in the eye of whomever it beholds. Trust is rarely given because we know when it’s broken too much floods out. Many emotions over flowing because the word that's spoken isn't remotely that of a bond that would never have been broken. That word that
is supposed to be as strong as oak has been getting abused as fuel for the fire since before the natives and pilgrims first spoke. This isn't supposed to be a lesson of history just the confessions of a man damned with a broken conscious, loss of direction, misplaced plans. It’s said the road to Hell is paved by men of good intent yet how would we know when this world is where all our times been spent. Dwelling on the past during nights where we feel no bliss. Waiting for that special touch, that uplifting kiss. And when it does not come life feels fixed, in the favor of those who do not give but take. Those who make their pursuit of happiness, freedom, & liberty priority, claiming they can't be blamed. I hold this truth in disbelief, that one must put oneself first to see their own plans through, unless they've decided to take a different path less beseeched. In order to rewrite history we've got to follow what we know. Trusting our struggles. Helping those who haven't asked may appear noble but once again everything isn't what it seems.

Life is to be lived, but I would warn you to stay clear of me. Not because I'm a threat but because I may break your heart, betray your trust, or even worse your love. To error is human and I am one hundred percent mere mortal. The fatal attraction that a person may have when faced with the opposite of their imagination. It’s almost a shame. I've hurt before. I've hurt before, and to make sure that never happens again I must touch her wounds with my words, with my actions, with the passion that feeds my soul, what's evident is that the choices one makes is the control. So listen up, feel what you must, pay attention because that mental space rented is the
only substance free in this world of greed. I suppose I'm still searching. I'm still waiting. I've been to the mountain-top as well as the bottom of the barrel, playing life like Russian Roulette with blanks, wondering why I'm not getting it. Muscle memory crawling through what seems to be such a narrow space, that I've forced myself into, just to see if I could make it through. As if there hasn't been better things for me to do. Never pulling the trigger though, backing myself against the infamous proverbial wall owning up to the actual destruction that I've caused. I suppose I'm still waiting for the effect of it all. Not everything is what it seems.

In the end I am a wondering stranger all alone. I am a million miles away. I know you're waiting for me to come home again, but I am searching for an answer. Please try to understand.


© 2017 Ali T Muhammad

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